I recently found out a few months back while paying our phone bill online that she had over 7000 text messages so of course naturally as a husband you would be concerned on who she would text that much. First number I see was my then best friends number hundreds amd hundreds of times. First off she says that she has always hated my then best friend and I found he made a pass on my wife years ago shortly after out first daughter was born and she never told me about it 6 years ago. So I ask them both. First I asked my wife and she denied it and got defensive about it and saying that I was accusing her of cheating and all I asked is why is there thousands of texts almost everyday sometime all day long and she said she doesn't text him so I showed her the online records and she said that they were just random talking and innocent talk. So I texted my then best friend and he said mostly just random bull**** about life and how she would vent to him about ****, so I told him that he was a backstabbing ***** to hide this from me and I left my wife know that how ****ed up that was on her part too and told my then best friend to stay the **** away from me and my family and don't ever contact anyone of us again. and she denied that and then we hugged and kissed me and told me she would never do anything like that to hurt me. I also found another number with thousands of texts and picture messages for 4 months and the number is to a male co worker of hers. So the next day I asked she got upset and defensive again and said I don't trust her and that the number was her girlfriends number from work who dates this guy. During this time of starting her new job in November she lost a lot of weight and looked the best I have ever seen her and was loving that and was always showing my affection towards her hugging amd kissing her amd complimenting her on how great and beautiful she looked. Then she started going to the gym with this girlfrien d from work on my off days and each day it got later and later that she would get home and still be in her work clothes and some days it looked like she didn't even go to the gym or went for a little but and then and went to do some thing else. So a month later I continue to see this number so I called it and this guy answered so I asked for my wife's girlfriend and he said no one here by that name So at this point I have several anxiety attacks at work and went home (and was on disability for almost 2 months for severe depression stress anger and bad anxiety) so I waited for her to get home. So I confronted her again on this after I thought this was all said and done and asked her why dude answered the phone and once again she got defensive and said that they just broke up and she gave him the phone back. Meanwhile I looked on her Facebook earlier that day and seen she would search this guy everyday at all times of day and night and like and comment on his posts about sex and his selfies with no shirt on and she denied it all once again then immediately changed her Facebook password. She told me a couple of days before this that she is not happy and doesn't know how to be happy and told me I have treated her like **** for the last five years and wasn't always there for her emotionally. Which i wasnt and owned up to it and she said im mean to our kids which i was but not all the time. So after confronted her again about this guy she said she was done and wanted to leave and told me she needed time and space. So I wrote her a letter stating she can have all the time she needs and that I will leave but she told me she didn't want me to leave and we needed a way to reconnect which I was all for. We agreed to go out of dates every Saturday which we did only once in the last three months. Then the next week in the morning our youngest daughter got in the kitchen while we were all still asleep at 7 am on a Sunday so I got up and found that she had emptied her entire purse out on the floor so I was being nice and cleaning the mess up and found 3 love letters to my wife from this guy from her work and on the first one which she got 3 weeks after starting there and tore the corner off and wrote to him call or text me anytime. And I also found a book on how to fix a broken marriage. At this pointment I was furious and almost went to look for this guy and beat the **** out of him but I thought of the consequences of that and I would lose my 3 kids. So I left them for her when she woke up and she just immediately seen them and ripped them up and threw them away. So we talked about that and she couldn't really answer it and told me yeah that they talk and that he's just a friend and wanted to tell me did you know he was abused ad a child and I told her why the **** would I want to know or care about that but obviously you do. So I asked her during this reconnection process if she could not communicate with this person outsid e of and especially when around me and our children and she asked if I wouldnt check the online records. Even my psychiatrist said don't go looking and investigate anymore which I agreed upon with both especially my wife. So a few weeks are going by and blam out of no where CPS shows up at my house with false allagations saying I beat my 2 almost 3 year old specifically and that I put a deep scratch on her back and that I neglect and don't supervise my kids and that I do heroin and cocaine and Crack and that I abuse Xanax. Her sister owned up to the scratch because I was there when it happened. I explained sisters fight and thats what my kids do is fight with each other. I was then informed that I could no longer be alone with my children until the case is close which has been ongoing for close to 2 months now with no contact. They dont answer or return my calls. So we were able to get away for a few days with the kids which was great but she seemed to not really enjoy it. S o when I got back to work I had filed top level escalations for my services with them which weren't working while I was on disability so they had me go check my full online account because my last one was hacked and deleted. So he had me check every aspect of the online and so yeah I looked at my wife messages and seen that she was still taking to this guy and a lot of times sitting right next to me so she said there's trust issues and that is always accusing her of cheating. I asked is there anything I should know about? Are you messing around and she got all defensive again and said I don't trust her. I did gps her phone twice once was because she was emotional at work when this all first started the day I brought up the texts between her and my then best friend and found out that she left work early and went to fiends grave near by and went to another person's house for close to 30 minutes so of course I only did this to make sure I wasn't being played for a fool. Then I went to check again and the service was not on my account so I added it back on and she was sent a text about it and asked me about it in played it off like I didn't know which know was wrong But then she asked to go try gym after work which I've never had a problem with and she didn't get home until almost 930 when she gets off work at 330. Who works put at a Planet Fitness for 4 1/2 hours and not come home sore as **** so I know she didn't go that day. This was 2 days before she wanted to leave me and have time and space. Then all of a sudden she was no longer friends with her girlfriend from work and they werent Facebook friends anymore and she stopped going to the gym. Then her guy friend from work I seen send her Facebook messages of crying faces and saying how much he missed her all of a sudden hides or deleted his Facebook page as well. So after I seen that she was still texting this guy and around me so I called him and asked what was the deal between him and my wi fe. And said bro you don't even know so I said what don't I know please enlighten me and was just like OK so I told him that I found his ***** ass love notes that were written in pencil with his name and date on it like he was in 6th grade and he just kept saying OK. So I told him I will meet up with you wherever you at and he was like okokok so I told his ***** ass to stop talking to my wife period and to try me. So I told my wife that and she seemed kind of happy I did that but was then pissed because she will be the laughing stock at work and didn't go in the next day. So a month later a few days ago we were connecting again and having cuddle time and great sex then this guy from her work is gonna call me at 1104 pm when I'm at home with my kids. I told my wife the next day which was yesterday and she still just continued to lie about this contact and I told her to tell him to come holla at me face to face if he has something that he want to say to me and we can handle it like men. We went back and forth all day and she told me she got her job with the sole purpose of leaving me a few weeks back and told me that I ruined her life about the cps case. And she told me that she doesn't know how we can make this work and I said I am committed to do whatever to save my marriage because I don't believe in divorce. So she said that I have treated her like **** for so many years she was past her breaking point and said she would have a proposal to go over together in calm adult conversation about what we have to do and her only suggestion was that she needs her time and space which I offered her that months back but she didn't want me to leave. I suggested that we seek professional help or even a neutral 3rd party counseling together or individual and couples counseling and she doesn't want to do that. Before this even took place I told her to air everything out and tell me everything about this whole situation and she still lied about texting her gu y friend from work because the previous day we just left from having lunch and I'm taking to the landlord on the phone and I look over and see her texting that number and of course once again she denied it so I told her we can look it up online because I'm not stupid. So after her bashing me for the neglect over the years and not trusting her which I have always trusted her but I keep finding **** that I'm not looking for like one day a month prior our daughter had a seizure and it was 4pm so I knew she would be off work so I called her in a panic 3 times no answer so I left a VM which she never checks then she texts me like 10 minutes later like I'm on my way so I called her back she finally answered and told me that she was just walking out the door. Then the next day I find a Wendys receipt from 341 that same day right by where I found out where that guy lives and she said wow how do know I was there and my friends didn't empty that out of her purse and I was like it's a crispy new receipt that had been in the cup holder and once again she blames and accuses me of saying that she's cheating on me and I'm like look at your paper trail. So after later nights talk she just gave up and only wants time and space apart so we can reconnect with each other and atart fresh and start dating again inwhich i woild always try to say cmon babe lets go out and itbwas always we have no money, no sitter for the kids, or another excuse in which I do not want at all. So I may have over reacted after she just blew off in the middle of talking saying she doesn't have time for this because she had ton go to bed to get up early for work. So I then grabbed all my **** from our room and pillow and blankets and moved it to the basement and told her you can live up here and I'll live in the basement and brought up all her **** from my new living space and asked how she wanted to do this are we wantin to be in the house at the same times and asked how she wanted to wor k out the bills now that she needs her time and space and she said ok it's perfectly clear that I wanted a divorce by doing this and I told divorce is the very last thing I want. So she wakes up and leaves early for work and packs the kids up to go to her mom's a 6am and didn't even let me kiss them goodbye for the day. So I had the worst day at work and told her that I'll do whatever she wants to make this work and she asked me to leave but I'm not leaving until we talk some more because separating rarely ever fixes anything and I want to know how she wants to handle the bills since I usually pay all of them like I have been for the last 6 years and we use her little check money for extra things or to do fun stuff. So I want her to know how it feels to have to pay bills because if she does leave me and want a divorce then she will be in trouble because she doesn't make enough money to support 3 kids on her own, but I do and every thing is in my name thankfully we only rent a house month to month. BUT then today she wanted to air out how much she texts this guy and never meant to do it intentionally or to hurt me and that they only talk about work stuff and I said oh yeah that's a lot of conversation just about work stuff and that I know she has feelings for this guy and she told me she wouldn't give up any of her new work friends because of this. So I told her remember who and what "friends" are and they will back stab you and told her whose always had your back and cared about you since day one and that was me and me only. I have lost and given up all my friends because of her. I'm the most lost I've ever been in my life. I'm 28 going on 29 facing cps allagations and the possibility of losing my kids and possibly losing my wife and family and I don't really know what to do anymore. Can anyone please help or chime in if this has happened to you or can give me any more advice I don't know. I would appreciate it.
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