Bad title, I know, sorry!
This might be long, but here goes;
I met a guy online and we talked for like a week before meeting. I was previously a virgin, and, at risk of sounding like an incredibly selfish person, only really intended to have sex and lose my virgin status. I have never been in a relationship so far, by choice as I'm an incredibly independent person and just cannot imagine maintaining that independence and being in a relationship (if this helps, I also thought I was aromantic, if that's the right term, at one point, that's how much the idea of a relationship turns me off). So I assumed the guy would just be up for sex, too, for a few reasons:
- We met on Tinder
- We didn't talk too much before deciding on meeting
- We met at my house for a movie, and smoked weed earlier
- He didn't seem like a romantic person at all
So I never suspected for one moment that he'd be the one that would seem so keen for this to develop, but he's even looked for and got a job a few days after we first met up so he could pay for dates (even though I expressly told him I'm not comfortable with someone paying for me, and I'd rather pay for myself) and keeps dropping hints about us being together in the future.
We've been talking every day since then, and he's called me every night and talked for an hour/two hours almost consistently (I hinted once that I don't like phone calls, but was too nice to follow through, and to be honest, I do enjoy them once we actually talk for a while).
We constantly text every day (even if I take ages to reply, another reason I don't want to be in a relationship, I enjoy texting but I hate the fact that someone would get upset, or suspicious etc. if I don't reply for ages, I want to be able to enjoy myself without checking my phone constantly).
The scariest thing is that he's started comparing me to his last relationships and partners, saying "I've never met anyone like you," and other pretty significant compliments that you wouldn't say to someone you only see a short term relationship with.
As we talk I'm hyper conscious of the fact that I'm being too nice, and I haven't given him much indication that I'm not interested in a relationship since we've only spoken by phone since then, and about light subjects, so it'd be awkward if I suddenly dropped in that I don't want a relationship or whatever. Plus, this is the kind of thing you should talk about in person, and we already have our next meeting planned for a few days, anyway. So I definitely could be said to be leading him on, unfortunately!
Anyway, the sex was really good, and I'd be interested in meeting again for only that reason, and depending on how much he's fallen for me, he might be, too, but I don't know how to let him know that I definitely don't want a relationship without hurting his feelings? He's a genuinely nice guy, and if I was ever to get into a relationship with someone it'd probably be him.
So, what should I do? I probably will wait until Friday when we meet to explain this, as I'm definite it's best said face to face, but how on earth do I approach this subject and what do I say? I don't want him to be upset, but I need to be clear about this, and hopefully without at least ruining the friendship as he is a genuinely cool guy.
Put the internet to work for you.
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