First time poster here. I've been following posts of others though and am hoping to get some advice/insight. My husband and I have been married for about 7.5 years. We have two kids, ages 2.5 and almost 6. My husband has never been an incredibly pleasant person, always has had some anger issues and just seems pretty unhappy overall. He worked on it a lot and it got better after we started dating. Over the past couple years though, he has just seemed miserable all the time and I stopped trying to talk to him because it was like talking to a wall. We would still go on dates and do fun things with the kids thought all of this. I have always run the household, he will help when asked with things, but has not taken initiative or shown much interest in our home, finances, etc. I have always been the decision maker in our relationship, he has never been one to express much of an opinion. I think all of this has been wearing on me. Add to that the sudd en death of one of my best friend's husbands and my Grandma in January and things just came to a head.
I ended up going to visit a friend in early February and had too much to drink and kissed a guy who I had been friends only with up to that point. I instantly was sick about it and regretted everything. Immediately upon returning home from my friend's I found a therapist and started going weekly. I told my husband how I was feeling and what happened and he understandably freaked out. I had worked through enough with the therapist at this point that we were able to talk about what he could do to be more of an equal partner in our relationship and we started to try to work through things. He went an saw a therapist on his own and then we started seeing a therapist as a couple. I thought things were getting better, we were making time to spend with each other and I was focusing on doing other things to make myself happy, crafts, going out with girlfriends, exercising, etc. He started working out again and is making attempts to be more involved in so many ways and I though t he was much happier. I have been honest with him about not knowing where we will end up and not feeling 100% about being in love with him but I told him I was trying and planned to continue trying. We sent the kids to my parent's house and had what I thought was a decent date night on Friday night.
Then yesterday we went to my Aunt and Uncle's house for Easter with our kids and my parents. He works Sunday mornings, so he met me and my parents there. As soon as I walked in the door, he told me I should get a life insurance policy for him before the summer. He looked so sad and angry and just kept rambling things to our kids about how much he loved them. Then he called my brother and started saying all kinds of crazy stuff about how he thinks I would be better off if he were dead and said he was going to kill the guy and then kill himself. He said horrible things about me to my family and to say those things about doing harm to others and himself. He had been drinking but I don't know how much. He is just a social drinker and it's never been a problem before. He got better towards the evening and has been apologizing to everyone today. I can't stop thinking about the things he said though. I know he would never hurt me or the kids but I feel sick today. I calle d our therapist last night and left a voicemail but he hasn't called back. I called my therapist to try to get an appointment as well.
As a side note, through all of this, he has tried to step up so much which I appreciate but he has also been obsessive about asking me where I stand with our relationship and texting and saying how much he loves me and how he will do anything for me. Some days I feel like I might suffocate. Our relationship obviously needed fixing prior to me breaking it even more, but now I just don't know if I can get past it all, especially after he said those things yesterday.
Sorry this is so long but I just want to present as much of the situation as I can. Any advice or insight anyone has would be very much appreciated.
I ended up going to visit a friend in early February and had too much to drink and kissed a guy who I had been friends only with up to that point. I instantly was sick about it and regretted everything. Immediately upon returning home from my friend's I found a therapist and started going weekly. I told my husband how I was feeling and what happened and he understandably freaked out. I had worked through enough with the therapist at this point that we were able to talk about what he could do to be more of an equal partner in our relationship and we started to try to work through things. He went an saw a therapist on his own and then we started seeing a therapist as a couple. I thought things were getting better, we were making time to spend with each other and I was focusing on doing other things to make myself happy, crafts, going out with girlfriends, exercising, etc. He started working out again and is making attempts to be more involved in so many ways and I though t he was much happier. I have been honest with him about not knowing where we will end up and not feeling 100% about being in love with him but I told him I was trying and planned to continue trying. We sent the kids to my parent's house and had what I thought was a decent date night on Friday night.
Then yesterday we went to my Aunt and Uncle's house for Easter with our kids and my parents. He works Sunday mornings, so he met me and my parents there. As soon as I walked in the door, he told me I should get a life insurance policy for him before the summer. He looked so sad and angry and just kept rambling things to our kids about how much he loved them. Then he called my brother and started saying all kinds of crazy stuff about how he thinks I would be better off if he were dead and said he was going to kill the guy and then kill himself. He said horrible things about me to my family and to say those things about doing harm to others and himself. He had been drinking but I don't know how much. He is just a social drinker and it's never been a problem before. He got better towards the evening and has been apologizing to everyone today. I can't stop thinking about the things he said though. I know he would never hurt me or the kids but I feel sick today. I calle d our therapist last night and left a voicemail but he hasn't called back. I called my therapist to try to get an appointment as well.
As a side note, through all of this, he has tried to step up so much which I appreciate but he has also been obsessive about asking me where I stand with our relationship and texting and saying how much he loves me and how he will do anything for me. Some days I feel like I might suffocate. Our relationship obviously needed fixing prior to me breaking it even more, but now I just don't know if I can get past it all, especially after he said those things yesterday.
Sorry this is so long but I just want to present as much of the situation as I can. Any advice or insight anyone has would be very much appreciated.
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