I wouldn't normally post something like this on here but feel really hopeless, so this will be long. I really like my boyfriend so have been trying to deal with some things that make me feel very upset to the point where it's affecting other apsects of my life. Our relationship hasn't been entirely stable from the start, however when it's been good I have felt happier than i've ever felt and felt very connected to him.
He has depression and had awful things happen in his life so I feel like I can't blame him. When I first met him and he was a lot better and we got on so well, though I found him very needy which I was quite difficult. Now he's having a really bad episode of depression and almost completely isolates himself and when I do see him is either very sad or angry and i'm finding it hard to feel the same spark we had before (i'm usually very spontaneous) and I feel on edge quite a lot around him now. I feel exhausted through worying about him and because I've been trying to fit my life around when he's able to do things rather than around myself. It upsets me because he's said things like I hate him, he loves me more and I make him feel worthless. I've tried to show him I care through getting him little things and message him quite oftern asking how he is etc but otherwise I don't know what to do.
I could get throught this until he gets better but he's been quite mean to me. If i've felt upset or frustrated i've tried to keep it in but on a couple of occasions all the built up feelings have come out though i've been very sorry about it. He refers a lot to when I was "pissed off" with him when he knows it upsets me because I feel guilty about it or my constant scrutiny of his faults and has made (seemingly jokey) comments about me being horrible and it seems as if he's deliberatley trying to get at me. Also, he keeps mentioning a girl we know a little more than seems normal and praises her and I've noticed he looks at her a lot and even mentioned to me how her current realtionship won't work. I don't know if it's to make me jealous or because he's getting bored of me. On the other hand he has told me he really loves me and has tried to see me more than anyone else and done things with me depsite feeling very bad.
I don't know whether he's acting out of depression or this is elements his personality coming through. I want to become more detatched but can't. I'm unsure whether to stay with him and stick it out because he's going through a lot or break up with him because i'm finding it hard to handle. I'd be grateful for any kind of insight!
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