Hello all,
I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have two kids together.
About 4 years ago he had a brief affair with a woman that he met at a bar. He came clean about it and said that he had only slept with her once and said he felt horrible. It was hard but we worked through it.
Fast forward a few years. Around May of 2014, I noticed that my husband had become close with one of his friends sisters. He told me that she had a lot of issues and didn't really have anyone to help her and to talk to so he was trying to help her. i didn't like it but I left it alone. After all, it was innocent right? As time started to pass though, I noticed that she needed more and more of his time. He was waking up in the middle of the night and talking to her on the phone in the garage. I asked him to back off and cut this relationship off because I knew that it was going to lead to problems. He stopped the middle of the night convo's but maintained regular contact. In August, a friend of mine called and told me that she had been told by the sister of the girl my husband was "friending" that they were sleeping together and that they had been since March. I confronted him about it and he told me that her and the sister had been fighting and this was her way of getting bac k at her. He insisted that they were only friends. I called her and she told me the same story. At the end of October, he finally came clean and admitted that they had had a one night stand in September of 2013. He said that they hadn't spoken for months after that, but that she had contacted him to tell him that she had become pregnany during that one night stand and had had an abortion. This apparently affected him deeply and they started talking and ultimately started having a very regular affair. He told me that it was over but that he did still want to try and be a friend to her.
For months, we have been fighting over this. Things have been terrible at home but I hung on because I don't want to hurt my kids. He insisted that they were no longer sleeping together and that he wanted to cut ties with her but he didnt know how. He swore up and down that he wanted me and not her and that he wants to keep our family together and rebuild our marriage.
A few nights ago, he admitted that they hadn't actually stopped sleeping together and he told me that he loved her. He said he loved me and she could never replace me but that he also had love for her and didn't know how to remove her from his life since she had now been a big part of it for so long. Last night he came home late and when I asked him about it he told me that he had been at her house because she was taking a pregnancy test and it was positive. She's pregnant.
He apologized for what hes done and said that he needs me and he needs me to be strong for him and be there for him. He kept telling me how much he loves me and how he never wanted to hurt me. I told him it was all lies and that if he really did love me he could never have done this.
I don't know what to do now though. We just bought our first house. My kids play rep soccer. And i work far from home. I know that taking my kids would be very selfish of me. They haven't done anything wrong and its not right that I uproot them from their home and their school and their sports. But I can't walk away from them either. I suggested that I would look for an apartment in the area and then I could still see them every day. He said he didn't want to accept that. That he needs me and that he can't do it alone. And I told him he wasn't thinking about any of that before.
I'm just so lost and broken right now. I know we've had our issues, but I've always been there and done everything for him. 14 years is a really long time to be with someone. I don't know how to live without him although i know thats a ridiculous statement given the circumstances. I just don't know what to do.
I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have two kids together.
About 4 years ago he had a brief affair with a woman that he met at a bar. He came clean about it and said that he had only slept with her once and said he felt horrible. It was hard but we worked through it.
Fast forward a few years. Around May of 2014, I noticed that my husband had become close with one of his friends sisters. He told me that she had a lot of issues and didn't really have anyone to help her and to talk to so he was trying to help her. i didn't like it but I left it alone. After all, it was innocent right? As time started to pass though, I noticed that she needed more and more of his time. He was waking up in the middle of the night and talking to her on the phone in the garage. I asked him to back off and cut this relationship off because I knew that it was going to lead to problems. He stopped the middle of the night convo's but maintained regular contact. In August, a friend of mine called and told me that she had been told by the sister of the girl my husband was "friending" that they were sleeping together and that they had been since March. I confronted him about it and he told me that her and the sister had been fighting and this was her way of getting bac k at her. He insisted that they were only friends. I called her and she told me the same story. At the end of October, he finally came clean and admitted that they had had a one night stand in September of 2013. He said that they hadn't spoken for months after that, but that she had contacted him to tell him that she had become pregnany during that one night stand and had had an abortion. This apparently affected him deeply and they started talking and ultimately started having a very regular affair. He told me that it was over but that he did still want to try and be a friend to her.
For months, we have been fighting over this. Things have been terrible at home but I hung on because I don't want to hurt my kids. He insisted that they were no longer sleeping together and that he wanted to cut ties with her but he didnt know how. He swore up and down that he wanted me and not her and that he wants to keep our family together and rebuild our marriage.
A few nights ago, he admitted that they hadn't actually stopped sleeping together and he told me that he loved her. He said he loved me and she could never replace me but that he also had love for her and didn't know how to remove her from his life since she had now been a big part of it for so long. Last night he came home late and when I asked him about it he told me that he had been at her house because she was taking a pregnancy test and it was positive. She's pregnant.
He apologized for what hes done and said that he needs me and he needs me to be strong for him and be there for him. He kept telling me how much he loves me and how he never wanted to hurt me. I told him it was all lies and that if he really did love me he could never have done this.
I don't know what to do now though. We just bought our first house. My kids play rep soccer. And i work far from home. I know that taking my kids would be very selfish of me. They haven't done anything wrong and its not right that I uproot them from their home and their school and their sports. But I can't walk away from them either. I suggested that I would look for an apartment in the area and then I could still see them every day. He said he didn't want to accept that. That he needs me and that he can't do it alone. And I told him he wasn't thinking about any of that before.
I'm just so lost and broken right now. I know we've had our issues, but I've always been there and done everything for him. 14 years is a really long time to be with someone. I don't know how to live without him although i know thats a ridiculous statement given the circumstances. I just don't know what to do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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