Hey all,
I've got a bit of an internal dilemma and really unsure what to do, so some help/advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm a 24 year old female, and a final year university student. I'm quite driven, and want to get a first in my degree. I'm also a social person by nature and quite involved in my community, like to volunteer and mentor other students. So, I'm a bit of busy bee and very conscious of not wasting my time, so I can do well at uni.
I've been with this guy for about four months now (longest relationship to date). We met on Tinder (I know!) but it worked out just fine and I feel like the everything between us has been going quite well so far. He's lovely, caring, quite interesting and (as far as I can tell) likes me a lot. But there are a few issues that keep cropping up in my head and make me feel like it's a dead end relationship.
First of all, I've decided not to have sex before marriage (this is my decision, partly cultural, but I definitely won't change it unless I'm certain I'll marry that person, so if you want to judge me, do, but suggesting that I should have sex won't help). He has said that this isn't a problem for him, and while we've "done other stuff", I feel like there will come a point where this will not be enough for him. He doesn't want to marry any time soon (he's half a year younger than me), whereas I am looking for a serious long term relationship that will result in marriage within 2-3 years.
Secondly, I come from an Eastern European country, which has quite a different culture, and I feel like, while he is open to other nationalities, etc. he will not really be able to fit in to mine, or will most certainly struggle, esp with language. At the same time, I don't feel like he fully understands me or my family values in the same way as a guy from my country would, which is extremely important to me. His family life is very different to mine and I feel I'd miss the closeness that is the norm in most families in my country. I've never assumed that I should only date someone from my country, as I've fit in quite well into British culture and love everything about it, so I figured some British guys might be as flexible as I am, but I sense that this wouldn't be the case with him.
The final thing probably is that, at the risk of sounding arrogant, he doesn't challenge me intellectually as some of my friends/previous bfs have done. He isn't very articulate, and hasn't travelled a lot or read much, so I feel like I always have to explain stuff to him, and I'm constantly worried about being patronising. He's smart in many other ways, esp in his field (web design), but he tends to agree with me on most other things, which can be a little frustrating when I'm used to debating all the time.
I don't see him very often because he lives in the neighbouring city and I'm always busy with studies, but he keeps talking about moving soon (in a year! when he can save up for a house) so he can be closer to me. I'm dreading this slightly though, and worried that he is taking this much more seriously than I am. I don't see a future with him, but he clearly does with me, so I don't know what to do. :confused:
The problem I am having in breaking it off is that he treats me very well, he is the loveliest guy ever, and I would never want to break his heart. I don't know what to say to him, because I don't feel like the reasons I gave above are strong grounds for a break up, and are just mean, so he'll just think I'm a b**** :( and I don't want to be that person he hates.
I can imagine this sounds pretty selfish, and I do feel happy with him at the moment, but I know that in the long run there is no future, so I don't want to lead him on. I'm also worried it has affected my performance at uni, and blame myself for having spent so much time with him when I could have been studying.
Ah, this is a long post, not sure anyone will take the time to read it, but if you do, any ideas on how I can break up with him without breaking his heart or what I should do in general would be useful :)
P.S. Please don't hate :rolleyes:
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