lack of passion - the letter - and the talk

Had the talk (again), my situation married 23 years, with 13yr old son. For me the problem is lack of affection and passion. As I have described my W, willing but not wanting. Despite my efforts things haven't gotten better, actually slowly worse. Recently, I had the 'the talk' with her, I actually had a letter written to her that I gave her at the start of the talk. The letter had a lot in in in, including one part with a list of what I want. Think there is a chance any of these can come true? Can we really make a change?

'from the letter'

What I want in our marriage

I want you to be my girlfriend not just my roommate, I want you to flirt with me, tease me, and try to get me excited. I want you to be sexy for me but also because you like how it makes you feel knowing I want you. I want you to be proud of the reaction you can get from me.

I want to look forward to being with you, touching you feeling you. I want the welcome home kiss to be more than a formality, but something we desire.

I want collapsing in your arms exhausted to be the destination not just something that ends up happening. Making great sex a priority is so important and something that has been lacking for years in our relationship. We need to make sex and passion a priority like it really matters (because it does!).

I want making love to be a full time thing, the sex part is just one aspect of it. The love and affection during the day creates the feelings that will result in great sex.

I want to know that I am wanted, needed. Too often I feel rejected by you. Rejection like this over and over is soul crushing and is killing me. I need you to understand this!

I want to be surprised by you, and be surprised for years to come. This needs to be organic and not just some half-hearted attempt to appease me. I want you to be adventurous and willing to try, both as a leader and a follower.

I want to have sex many times a month, not because of a schedule but because we want to feel each other. Sometimes this could be a quickie, but this shouldn't be all that we end up with. There isn't some quota, but I have not been satisfied by the frequency or quality of our sex life.

I want you to know how much I want you, both as my friend, and my lover, I want you to be able to see it in my eyes.

I want to know how much YOU want me I want to see it in your eyes. I want to look at you and know you crave the closeness.

I want you to be excited by how much I want and need you. When you try to, you can really get me excited. Pity or Duty sex doesn't excite me, all that it does is raise resentment and self loathing.

I want you to be sexy for me, knowing how much this turns me on should be rewarding to you as a 'gift to me'.

I don't want to be flatly rejected for sex and affection, that doesn't mean that you need to be ready and wanting all the time, but if it isn't the time, tell me that you want me and when we will have sex. Lack of follow up to this is one of the worst things you can do to me.

Know that when we talk about sex, and flirt, I look forward to it later. When it doesn't happen or when you seem ambivalent it is a cruel rejection.

I want to get old with you, but still wanting you, I want to be the old couple that still is sexual. Without a change in our relationship neither of these things will happen.

I want us to want each other soo badly that we don't wait; we just go home and tear each other's clothes off, not preceded with a 45 minute 'get ready for bed' ritual.

Apathy or ambivalence about the sex and passion in our marriage is the worst possible response, if it continues I cant see how our marriage will.

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