I feel like no-ones going to understand this, but here goes. My Highly Sensitive Husband has been a mess over the Christmas period. We've had 2 weeks of holidays and I can't wait to go back to normal.
He's been stressing over the weekend about going back to work to the job he often hates, and sometime loves. Because he's an HSP, when he stresses he gets overwhelmed, and his method of doig this is that he starts blaming whoever is closest, usually me. He goes for walks, but that hasn't helped over the weekend, cos he's just gone for a walk and rumunated so stressing himself even more. He just asked me to give him a lift home, cos his leg is hurting. I can see he was completely overwhelmed. He can't walk properly, his eyes are wild, and he's getting angry at everyone. Very much like one of those drunks you pass in the street, but he's not drunk. This is what happens. this has happened each day leading up to Christmas Day, then both days this weekend, readying for work again.
He got in the car, and started going on about work, all the stories I've heard before, and lots of swearing and carrying on. I tried listening, honestly, I did. I listened for a good 10 minutes, but it just goes round and round in circles. It's all stories from last year that he's told me over and over already. I've learned over the years that he will be angry over the top layer of things, but you need to get under that to find out what's really triggered all this. I tried to cut through and suggested that he's getting upset about going back to work tomorrow. He agreed, then went back to the stories. I was remaining calm at this point, but thinking, that this is worse than its been so far. Then he started complaining that I don't listen blah blah, and I heard myself suggest he stay somewhere else tonight. I just snapped in my mind. I could not think how I would get through another evening of this. He got out of the car and walked home. This evening has been the worst.
Once he gets to this point - no logic can reach him. I don't know what to do. This evening's been hell, with him talking incoherantly, accusing me of all sorts of imagined slights. Apparently I threw the cutlery at him , I can't cook( he was trying a new recipe, although couldn't stand properly. Fell and put a hole in the wall). He kept on, he's so much better than me, I hate him, all this stuff. Shouted. My D22 is upstairs. I'm trying to stay calm, and he thinks I'm being holier than thou. I ended up wlking into the spare room, and sitting and breathing (Elegirl - I had already tried the STOP thing, but wasn't going to go out while D22 is there). He came in and sat down and just suggested that I hate him. I told him, no, but I told him I've never seen him so bad. I just told him I think he needs a strait jacket and padded cell tonight. It's not worth all this grief, whatever he's stressing about. He's gone to bed, thank god.
This has to stop. I can't take much more. We're in our 50's, married 7.5 yrs, both work, second marriages for both. He is HSP, highly sensitive personality, but has never quite figured how to manage it yet.
He's been stressing over the weekend about going back to work to the job he often hates, and sometime loves. Because he's an HSP, when he stresses he gets overwhelmed, and his method of doig this is that he starts blaming whoever is closest, usually me. He goes for walks, but that hasn't helped over the weekend, cos he's just gone for a walk and rumunated so stressing himself even more. He just asked me to give him a lift home, cos his leg is hurting. I can see he was completely overwhelmed. He can't walk properly, his eyes are wild, and he's getting angry at everyone. Very much like one of those drunks you pass in the street, but he's not drunk. This is what happens. this has happened each day leading up to Christmas Day, then both days this weekend, readying for work again.
He got in the car, and started going on about work, all the stories I've heard before, and lots of swearing and carrying on. I tried listening, honestly, I did. I listened for a good 10 minutes, but it just goes round and round in circles. It's all stories from last year that he's told me over and over already. I've learned over the years that he will be angry over the top layer of things, but you need to get under that to find out what's really triggered all this. I tried to cut through and suggested that he's getting upset about going back to work tomorrow. He agreed, then went back to the stories. I was remaining calm at this point, but thinking, that this is worse than its been so far. Then he started complaining that I don't listen blah blah, and I heard myself suggest he stay somewhere else tonight. I just snapped in my mind. I could not think how I would get through another evening of this. He got out of the car and walked home. This evening has been the worst.
Once he gets to this point - no logic can reach him. I don't know what to do. This evening's been hell, with him talking incoherantly, accusing me of all sorts of imagined slights. Apparently I threw the cutlery at him , I can't cook( he was trying a new recipe, although couldn't stand properly. Fell and put a hole in the wall). He kept on, he's so much better than me, I hate him, all this stuff. Shouted. My D22 is upstairs. I'm trying to stay calm, and he thinks I'm being holier than thou. I ended up wlking into the spare room, and sitting and breathing (Elegirl - I had already tried the STOP thing, but wasn't going to go out while D22 is there). He came in and sat down and just suggested that I hate him. I told him, no, but I told him I've never seen him so bad. I just told him I think he needs a strait jacket and padded cell tonight. It's not worth all this grief, whatever he's stressing about. He's gone to bed, thank god.
This has to stop. I can't take much more. We're in our 50's, married 7.5 yrs, both work, second marriages for both. He is HSP, highly sensitive personality, but has never quite figured how to manage it yet.
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