I really need some advice please. I'm in my mid 20s and after being sexually abused and raped when I was 11/12, I suffer from penis fright.
I've never sustained a relationship because I'm too scared to progress with a man. My best friend of 6 years knows about the situation and I asked him if he'd be willing to sleep with me because I totally trust him. After about a year of bringing it up and originally asking him, I finally persuaded him. With no other man on the scene, I want to have sex with someone that I totally trust.
A couple of weeks ago, the "time" came to do the deed and I completely freaked out. He managed to calm me down and we just laid there instead. After a while I eventually for the first time ever managed to give a BJ but I couldn't go any further. Another problem is that he's quite big. I don't have a lot of experience with men's penises and I don't count my abusers as one either. With both hands on top of each other, there's still quite a lot of penis at the top and he's quite thick too. That contributed to my freak out because of his size. Just imagining the sheer pain that I went through as a child and seeing how big my friend is makes me scared about the pain of having sex with him.
At the end he told me that maybe it was a bad idea but I begged him not to change his mind. He's agreed to only give it one more try but I don't know what to do. Someone please help me.
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