Hi,
I am 30 and have been married for 5 years to my wife who is 35.
My wife and I separated 5 months ago. I had been unfaithful to her (not physical) and she found the evidence on my computer. Looking back now, the last couple years haven't been great between us. She's never really been able to forgive me for finding porn on my computer, and would still bring it up occasionally years after it was found.
She told me she was going to move out of our house back in April. This was a couple weeks after she found where I had been unfaithful online. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that I had made a mistake but didn't think it would come to this. Looking back, I have definately handled the past 5 months very poorly.
I moved into my parents home until she moved out of our house. I knew I couldn't be around her then because I would lose my composure and resort to begging/pleading. She lost her job a few months ago and we came to an agreement that she could use our joint cc to buy essentials until she found a new job. She wound up putting almost $10,000 on the CC in a couple months time, buying a new couch for her new apartment, pedicures etc. I think it is because she was depressed.. originally she said she only wanted a separation to see how she feels but slowly that has turned into her 100% wanting a divorce (so she says anyways) . She's been saying that for 5 months though and nothing has happened.
After reading about 20 pages of this post:
http://ift.tt/1sPThro
Ive come to the realization that my approach has been completely wrong. Conrad, you really know what your talking about. Are you a counselor IRL? Reading your posts on how to act during a separation really opened my eyes up to how I have been. I have been acting too clingy and needy since we split up. After a very heated argument a few months ago she blocked my phone number, so we were communicating only through email for a while. Then another round of arguments and she blocked my email last week.
So here's where I stand:
5 months separated, blocked email and phone number, and she has been steadfast in saying she wants a divorce. It doesn't look to good for me, but I think I may still have a chance.
She did do something strange at the end of last week. She called me from her work phone and asked me if I had came up to the new building she works in. This is the first time she has initiated contact in over a month I told her no, she said thanks and hung up on me quickly. I didn't call her back immediately like I think she wanted me to, so a few hours later she has her best friend text me and ask me if I had flowers delivered to her new office. Apparently flowers were delivered to her at work with no name on them, so she assumed it was me. I told her friend no, it wasn't me who sent them, must be another guy. I dunno if she forward that message to my W but i hope she didn't, because looking back at it now it's a weak statement.
Thinking that was the end of that, I forgot about it. The next day she calls again from her office and asks me if I had flowers delivered, I said no and she actually stayed on the phone and chatted with me for a few minutes. I called her at work the next day (shouldn't have done that) she angrily answered and told me not to call her at work. That's the last time I spoke to her. I am going to go the 180 route now. I know it's going to be hard for me but I think I'm at that point that I realize I need to focus on myself and fix my issues, and if she decides to start talking to me again then great, but I won't base my life on her decision.
I guess this post is just me venting. I have been NC for 2 days now, and I don't plan on contacting her at all until she is ready and she makes that effort. Wish me luck!
I am 30 and have been married for 5 years to my wife who is 35.
My wife and I separated 5 months ago. I had been unfaithful to her (not physical) and she found the evidence on my computer. Looking back now, the last couple years haven't been great between us. She's never really been able to forgive me for finding porn on my computer, and would still bring it up occasionally years after it was found.
She told me she was going to move out of our house back in April. This was a couple weeks after she found where I had been unfaithful online. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that I had made a mistake but didn't think it would come to this. Looking back, I have definately handled the past 5 months very poorly.
I moved into my parents home until she moved out of our house. I knew I couldn't be around her then because I would lose my composure and resort to begging/pleading. She lost her job a few months ago and we came to an agreement that she could use our joint cc to buy essentials until she found a new job. She wound up putting almost $10,000 on the CC in a couple months time, buying a new couch for her new apartment, pedicures etc. I think it is because she was depressed.. originally she said she only wanted a separation to see how she feels but slowly that has turned into her 100% wanting a divorce (so she says anyways) . She's been saying that for 5 months though and nothing has happened.
After reading about 20 pages of this post:
http://ift.tt/1sPThro
Ive come to the realization that my approach has been completely wrong. Conrad, you really know what your talking about. Are you a counselor IRL? Reading your posts on how to act during a separation really opened my eyes up to how I have been. I have been acting too clingy and needy since we split up. After a very heated argument a few months ago she blocked my phone number, so we were communicating only through email for a while. Then another round of arguments and she blocked my email last week.
So here's where I stand:
5 months separated, blocked email and phone number, and she has been steadfast in saying she wants a divorce. It doesn't look to good for me, but I think I may still have a chance.
She did do something strange at the end of last week. She called me from her work phone and asked me if I had came up to the new building she works in. This is the first time she has initiated contact in over a month I told her no, she said thanks and hung up on me quickly. I didn't call her back immediately like I think she wanted me to, so a few hours later she has her best friend text me and ask me if I had flowers delivered to her new office. Apparently flowers were delivered to her at work with no name on them, so she assumed it was me. I told her friend no, it wasn't me who sent them, must be another guy. I dunno if she forward that message to my W but i hope she didn't, because looking back at it now it's a weak statement.
Thinking that was the end of that, I forgot about it. The next day she calls again from her office and asks me if I had flowers delivered, I said no and she actually stayed on the phone and chatted with me for a few minutes. I called her at work the next day (shouldn't have done that) she angrily answered and told me not to call her at work. That's the last time I spoke to her. I am going to go the 180 route now. I know it's going to be hard for me but I think I'm at that point that I realize I need to focus on myself and fix my issues, and if she decides to start talking to me again then great, but I won't base my life on her decision.
I guess this post is just me venting. I have been NC for 2 days now, and I don't plan on contacting her at all until she is ready and she makes that effort. Wish me luck!
Put the internet to work for you.
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