I've been with my husband for 8 1/2 years now, married for 6.
We are both Leo's. I'm not very into religion or signs and all, but we are both very stubborn and passionate. I feel like since being with him, I've taken a back seat to the stubborn ness (one of us has to give in).
He's a lawyer. He went through law school while with me and LSATS and all. He became a lawyer and works for a great firm and has now for 3/4 years.
He's a VERY good arguer and has the ability to convince you that you're wrong.
Don't get me wrong, when things are great, he's a wonderful man and a great provider (I'm a teacher). But when things are bad, they are bad (not physical at all). We love hard and we fight harder it seems. It's crazy. When we are good, we're so in love and everyone envys us.
I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with our first child. Over the weekend I went home to NY where my family suggested I make a post on facebook asking people if they knew of good Nannys, just to test the waters. My husband and I had discussed daycare, so I didn't think putting a status about a Nanny would be a different story, so I did. When I posted, he made a comment "??"...
So yesterday, we were going to get some dinner and he asked me if I posted looking for someone to stay at our house and watch our daughter, and why. I told him I was just exploring the options trying to do some research (to be honest I can't remember how it exactly came up)....from him saying STAY I thought he was suggesting I was trying to find someone to LIVE at our house. I told him that was certainly not the case that I was just looking for someone to watch her IN our house. He kept arguing with me about it, I kept thinking he thought I wanted someone to live with us. I told him a Nanny didn't have to be someone that lived with you. I don't understand why there he didn't realize that we were saying the same definition, but missing each other somewhere.
So I looked up the definition and told him it was someone to care for a child in your home. He started to get frustrated and raise his voice telling me that we never even talked about this and did I know how much this was going to cost and all these people are asking him about it and he has no idea what they are talking about.
So, at that point, I realized it wasn't as much about the definition but it was that he was also upset that I posted it without discussing it with him first. He said "we are having this baby together and you are making decisions on your own". It escalated (we were in the car). We pulled into the driveway and I finally realized that we were arguing the same point, but it seemed to late at that point. He said he was sick of me using words and making up my own definitions for them. I told him that I thought we had discussed the nanny thing as part of a daycare option as well....well that got him more pissed in him saying that now I was making things up in order to make myself right in the situation. I honestly didn't think it was a separate issue. I thought any part of someone or group watching our child was an option and we have been talking about it for a while. Perhaps not specifically the "nanny" word, but I wasn't trying to be maicious with my post.
He wanted to stay in the car and yell about it some more, I told him I did not want to sit in the car and be lectured and yelled at and that we could continue it inside (inferring calmly). He was pissed that I was deciding when to end it.... I just didn't want to be cornered anymore (it's usually me that wants to sit and finish, but at this point nothing productive was going to happen so I wanted to try to diffuse the situation.
His back has been spazing out so he grabbed a heating pad and sat on the couch. I approached him starting to tell him that I was sorry that I had made that post without talking to him. He cut me off and told me "oh no, you don't get to just decide when you want to talk about it, I'm done talking to you." so I said okay and left him alone. The rest of the night all I did was try to offer him help from his back, and he said he didn't need my help and wanted me to leave him alone.
Usually when we fight like this, he will sleep downstairs, but I'm pretty sure because of his back, he came up to bed and could hardly move (I'm sure the stress off the convo wasn't helping). He pretty much ignored me and in the morning I kissed him goodbye and he kind of shrugged away from me. The last thing I did was send him a msg from school saying "I love you and I hope you're feeling better".... he responded "When you say love or feeling, what do you mean? Are these the commonly accepted definitions or do you have an alternative one you want to debate about for a couple hours?". I figured anything I responded would not have been productive especially in the middle of the work day, so I didn't respond at all (which I don't do often since it's hard for me to hold back, but I know he feeds off of that).
He came home tonight, I made dinner, cleaned that house, just trying to move forward and he just seems stressed and pissed at me and doesn't want to be around me. After dinner he went into the front room and played video games talking to his friend on the headphones (for the 2nd night in a row).... I think he's doing it to destress, so I'm happy he's able to relax through all this.
I don't know what to do from here. I guess I'm going to approach him when he's done playing video games and apologize so we can move forward. I'm okay with being wrong about things and taking responsibility/improve upon myself. Whether I actually improve, it seems not with these areguments. If you think I"m wrong or I don't know.... what would your advice be? It seems like a control thing for me with him.
Like, I wish he would realize "Oh well I said the word STAY which might mean stay over so that could be why she was confused about what I was thinking" or realize that I'm not trying to be malicious with the things I do, but that I make mistakes. He never really looks at situations like that. It's always him saying he doesn't want to be around me or to leave him alone or HE is pissed at ME. I don't hold a grudge for days, I want to move forward. I feel like if I don't say anything it might go on for another day. Not sure if I can handle that.... I need some sort of resolution. I thought he might talk to me after dinner. I asked him what he was doing and he said "putting ice on my back" and then walked into the other room, very short with me.
What would you do?
We are both Leo's. I'm not very into religion or signs and all, but we are both very stubborn and passionate. I feel like since being with him, I've taken a back seat to the stubborn ness (one of us has to give in).
He's a lawyer. He went through law school while with me and LSATS and all. He became a lawyer and works for a great firm and has now for 3/4 years.
He's a VERY good arguer and has the ability to convince you that you're wrong.
Don't get me wrong, when things are great, he's a wonderful man and a great provider (I'm a teacher). But when things are bad, they are bad (not physical at all). We love hard and we fight harder it seems. It's crazy. When we are good, we're so in love and everyone envys us.
I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with our first child. Over the weekend I went home to NY where my family suggested I make a post on facebook asking people if they knew of good Nannys, just to test the waters. My husband and I had discussed daycare, so I didn't think putting a status about a Nanny would be a different story, so I did. When I posted, he made a comment "??"...
So yesterday, we were going to get some dinner and he asked me if I posted looking for someone to stay at our house and watch our daughter, and why. I told him I was just exploring the options trying to do some research (to be honest I can't remember how it exactly came up)....from him saying STAY I thought he was suggesting I was trying to find someone to LIVE at our house. I told him that was certainly not the case that I was just looking for someone to watch her IN our house. He kept arguing with me about it, I kept thinking he thought I wanted someone to live with us. I told him a Nanny didn't have to be someone that lived with you. I don't understand why there he didn't realize that we were saying the same definition, but missing each other somewhere.
So I looked up the definition and told him it was someone to care for a child in your home. He started to get frustrated and raise his voice telling me that we never even talked about this and did I know how much this was going to cost and all these people are asking him about it and he has no idea what they are talking about.
So, at that point, I realized it wasn't as much about the definition but it was that he was also upset that I posted it without discussing it with him first. He said "we are having this baby together and you are making decisions on your own". It escalated (we were in the car). We pulled into the driveway and I finally realized that we were arguing the same point, but it seemed to late at that point. He said he was sick of me using words and making up my own definitions for them. I told him that I thought we had discussed the nanny thing as part of a daycare option as well....well that got him more pissed in him saying that now I was making things up in order to make myself right in the situation. I honestly didn't think it was a separate issue. I thought any part of someone or group watching our child was an option and we have been talking about it for a while. Perhaps not specifically the "nanny" word, but I wasn't trying to be maicious with my post.
He wanted to stay in the car and yell about it some more, I told him I did not want to sit in the car and be lectured and yelled at and that we could continue it inside (inferring calmly). He was pissed that I was deciding when to end it.... I just didn't want to be cornered anymore (it's usually me that wants to sit and finish, but at this point nothing productive was going to happen so I wanted to try to diffuse the situation.
His back has been spazing out so he grabbed a heating pad and sat on the couch. I approached him starting to tell him that I was sorry that I had made that post without talking to him. He cut me off and told me "oh no, you don't get to just decide when you want to talk about it, I'm done talking to you." so I said okay and left him alone. The rest of the night all I did was try to offer him help from his back, and he said he didn't need my help and wanted me to leave him alone.
Usually when we fight like this, he will sleep downstairs, but I'm pretty sure because of his back, he came up to bed and could hardly move (I'm sure the stress off the convo wasn't helping). He pretty much ignored me and in the morning I kissed him goodbye and he kind of shrugged away from me. The last thing I did was send him a msg from school saying "I love you and I hope you're feeling better".... he responded "When you say love or feeling, what do you mean? Are these the commonly accepted definitions or do you have an alternative one you want to debate about for a couple hours?". I figured anything I responded would not have been productive especially in the middle of the work day, so I didn't respond at all (which I don't do often since it's hard for me to hold back, but I know he feeds off of that).
He came home tonight, I made dinner, cleaned that house, just trying to move forward and he just seems stressed and pissed at me and doesn't want to be around me. After dinner he went into the front room and played video games talking to his friend on the headphones (for the 2nd night in a row).... I think he's doing it to destress, so I'm happy he's able to relax through all this.
I don't know what to do from here. I guess I'm going to approach him when he's done playing video games and apologize so we can move forward. I'm okay with being wrong about things and taking responsibility/improve upon myself. Whether I actually improve, it seems not with these areguments. If you think I"m wrong or I don't know.... what would your advice be? It seems like a control thing for me with him.
Like, I wish he would realize "Oh well I said the word STAY which might mean stay over so that could be why she was confused about what I was thinking" or realize that I'm not trying to be malicious with the things I do, but that I make mistakes. He never really looks at situations like that. It's always him saying he doesn't want to be around me or to leave him alone or HE is pissed at ME. I don't hold a grudge for days, I want to move forward. I feel like if I don't say anything it might go on for another day. Not sure if I can handle that.... I need some sort of resolution. I thought he might talk to me after dinner. I asked him what he was doing and he said "putting ice on my back" and then walked into the other room, very short with me.
What would you do?
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