This is my first post on this site, but I have read many posts on the forum and see many similarities. I could use some specific advice on what may help to give both of us what we are looking for.
First, we have been married for 8 years and have two kids. They are 1.5 and 3.5. She is a stay at home mom and I work 5 days a week. I work 5 days a week.
I don't know if we have always had a mismatched libido, I remember having great sex, impromptu sex, but in general we were on the same page.
When we were trying to have our first, we had frequent sex and some of it was exciting. At least it seemed like we both enjoyed it. At some point we decided to watch an old 70's porn. I don't want to exaggerate what the movie did for us, but it was very memorable sex for both of us and she seemed to become more comfortable with her sexuality. We decide to watch them once a week. We did this for a few weeks and the sex was great! It wasn't just that it brought sex, but also that it was good sex where she was more willing to communicate and reciprocate. Up to that point, we had only had maybe one mutual orgasm. After watching the movies, we had a nearly 100% mutual orgasm rate.
I don't know if she got embarrassed, or exactly what happened but at some point she implied I was being "weird". One thing I did was asked her if there was a particular movie she wanted to see. We mostly stick to the 70's stuff that seems more tasteful then today's movies. She didn't like the idea of selecting a movie. I don't really understand the change, it seemed to be a fairly reliable "aid".
After she got pregnant with our first, all of that stopped. She claimed to be tired, and understandably having a newborn. So I've read a bunch of books on maintaining the spark, but the authors all seem to have something she doesn't... The desire.
I've been trying to talk to her about it. In general, she says she's too tired. She gets a lot of sleep though. Many times, I will imply it could be a good time and she will seemingly agree; but then she'll disappear for a couple of hours. Maybe to Facebook or to smoke some cigs. But, when she comes back, she will ask for a raincheck. Worse then that, she won't make good on the raincheck. I'm working on one from about a week ago, but she always puts it off. She used to "pinky swear". She broke it so many times she's banned from the pinky swear game.
Now, I've almost stopped asking because the answer is always no. When we do have sex, it's awful. She talks about random stuff that doesn't make for good sex. She'll also say things like "get it over with", "you're making me hot(temp not horny)" or she'll talk about our parents. When she agrees, she says, "Only if she can be on the bottom". After agreeing, she will usually say something that immediately turns me off. I'm tempted and do occasionally say never-mind.
Her excuses for not having sex are just as bad. It'll make her hot, tired, want to smoke a cig. Sometimes she says yes and then disappears. I think I'm waiting for her, and she comes back with a sandwich and asks for a raincheck.
I asked her when the best time to have sex would be. She said in the middle of the day. Well, the kids are awake and I'm at work. What exactly is that supposed to mean?
So... I've been doing a lot of chores around the house. More then I have before. Mostly dishes, some laundry. I've also been taking her out more frequently. These are two things she wanted as well as a housekeeper which we cannot afford. But, I am seeing a continued slide in our sexual relationship.
She does have a back problem, although I do to. She has additional stresses in life as well, although I do to. She takes lot of prescriptions, so maybe they affect her libido; but she seems to need them.
She does think I go to work and sit on my butt all day while she's at home with the kids. I don't bring my stresses home with me and don't take them out on her. So maybe that's why she doesn't think I'm busy at work. We need the income, so I don't know what the alternative is.
I'm frustrated, I cannot make her less tired. I'm stuck in a deteriorating situation.
I'm at the point where I'm trying to convince myself that at 35, sex isn't important, the best is beyond me, and all of that is outside of my control.
First, we have been married for 8 years and have two kids. They are 1.5 and 3.5. She is a stay at home mom and I work 5 days a week. I work 5 days a week.
I don't know if we have always had a mismatched libido, I remember having great sex, impromptu sex, but in general we were on the same page.
When we were trying to have our first, we had frequent sex and some of it was exciting. At least it seemed like we both enjoyed it. At some point we decided to watch an old 70's porn. I don't want to exaggerate what the movie did for us, but it was very memorable sex for both of us and she seemed to become more comfortable with her sexuality. We decide to watch them once a week. We did this for a few weeks and the sex was great! It wasn't just that it brought sex, but also that it was good sex where she was more willing to communicate and reciprocate. Up to that point, we had only had maybe one mutual orgasm. After watching the movies, we had a nearly 100% mutual orgasm rate.
I don't know if she got embarrassed, or exactly what happened but at some point she implied I was being "weird". One thing I did was asked her if there was a particular movie she wanted to see. We mostly stick to the 70's stuff that seems more tasteful then today's movies. She didn't like the idea of selecting a movie. I don't really understand the change, it seemed to be a fairly reliable "aid".
After she got pregnant with our first, all of that stopped. She claimed to be tired, and understandably having a newborn. So I've read a bunch of books on maintaining the spark, but the authors all seem to have something she doesn't... The desire.
I've been trying to talk to her about it. In general, she says she's too tired. She gets a lot of sleep though. Many times, I will imply it could be a good time and she will seemingly agree; but then she'll disappear for a couple of hours. Maybe to Facebook or to smoke some cigs. But, when she comes back, she will ask for a raincheck. Worse then that, she won't make good on the raincheck. I'm working on one from about a week ago, but she always puts it off. She used to "pinky swear". She broke it so many times she's banned from the pinky swear game.
Now, I've almost stopped asking because the answer is always no. When we do have sex, it's awful. She talks about random stuff that doesn't make for good sex. She'll also say things like "get it over with", "you're making me hot(temp not horny)" or she'll talk about our parents. When she agrees, she says, "Only if she can be on the bottom". After agreeing, she will usually say something that immediately turns me off. I'm tempted and do occasionally say never-mind.
Her excuses for not having sex are just as bad. It'll make her hot, tired, want to smoke a cig. Sometimes she says yes and then disappears. I think I'm waiting for her, and she comes back with a sandwich and asks for a raincheck.
I asked her when the best time to have sex would be. She said in the middle of the day. Well, the kids are awake and I'm at work. What exactly is that supposed to mean?
So... I've been doing a lot of chores around the house. More then I have before. Mostly dishes, some laundry. I've also been taking her out more frequently. These are two things she wanted as well as a housekeeper which we cannot afford. But, I am seeing a continued slide in our sexual relationship.
She does have a back problem, although I do to. She has additional stresses in life as well, although I do to. She takes lot of prescriptions, so maybe they affect her libido; but she seems to need them.
She does think I go to work and sit on my butt all day while she's at home with the kids. I don't bring my stresses home with me and don't take them out on her. So maybe that's why she doesn't think I'm busy at work. We need the income, so I don't know what the alternative is.
I'm frustrated, I cannot make her less tired. I'm stuck in a deteriorating situation.
I'm at the point where I'm trying to convince myself that at 35, sex isn't important, the best is beyond me, and all of that is outside of my control.
Put the internet to work for you.
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