I'm looking for some female perspectives.
There have been several threads on TAM lately about respect and how important it is in a successful relationship.
Over the past several weeks, my wife and I have not been getting along very well. From my perspective, my wife has been very impatient with me, more nagging, more critical of things I do (or not do). Her tone has become very similar to the tone she uses with our teenage son. In fact, he came up to me the other day after my wife was getting on my case, and said "Now you know exactly how I feel".
It really came to a head yesterday. My cell phone had slipped off the seat and onto the floor of the car. I was looking around for it before I picked it up off the floor. In a very serious tone, she said "You really should have bought the phone insurance they offered at the phone store". She went on about how I drop my phone all the time, how I don't understand and use the features of my phone anyway, and how relieved she was that I wasn't going to get a second cell phone with my new job because I was incapable of managing one phone much less two phones.
It came off as very disrespectful, much like a parent would treat a young child. When I began to defend myself, she cut me off and told me to shut up or she was going to stop the car and get out and walk. She hasn't used that threat since we were dating (over 25 years ago).
Later, when I tried to tell her that I thought she was being unreasonable and disrespectful, she again cut me off and said "You are being too sensitive and you are blowing this out of proportion, and I'm not going to discuss this with you".
As I thought about it, more of our recent communications have been like this. I have concluded that she has lost respect for me, and I have been trying to figure out why.
The only thing I can come up with it that I am about to change jobs. I have been very unhappy with work over the past 6-8 months. So I took some initiative, and found another job (I am a senior VP level person in the IT field). I accepted the job after we discussed it, because the new job would mean less (about 10-15% less) money for the first 6-12 months. She was concerned about the pay cut because she handles the finances, but she told me that it was more important for me to be happy, reclaim some work-life balance, etc.
This took place about 6 weeks ago, and seems to coincide with her recent treatment. When I bring it up, she refuses to discuss it, and tells me I am making too big a deal out of how she has been treating me.
So ladies, would a job change with less pay make you lose respect for your man? I was thinking that a guy who is unhappy with his career but who pisses and moans about it without taking action would lose some respect, but not a guy who takes the bull by the horns and does something about it.
Also, I have thought about myself, and I can't come up with any other reasons why she would lose respect for me:
- I'm healthy, in great shape (51 yo, 6'3" and 205#, go to the gym 2-3x per week), and very particular about my hygiene and grooming
- I'm generally a positive, proactive person
- I make a good living, even with the pay cut
- I treat her and our teenage son well
- I help around the house, cook, clean up, mow, etc.
- I don't have any vices or bad habits other than a sweet tooth
- Our sex life has been great for the past few years (before that it wasn't so great, but has been much better since MC/ST)
So I'm really at a loss over the disrespectful behavior she has treated me with recently, and I'm anxiously searching for input or possible answers.
There have been several threads on TAM lately about respect and how important it is in a successful relationship.
Over the past several weeks, my wife and I have not been getting along very well. From my perspective, my wife has been very impatient with me, more nagging, more critical of things I do (or not do). Her tone has become very similar to the tone she uses with our teenage son. In fact, he came up to me the other day after my wife was getting on my case, and said "Now you know exactly how I feel".
It really came to a head yesterday. My cell phone had slipped off the seat and onto the floor of the car. I was looking around for it before I picked it up off the floor. In a very serious tone, she said "You really should have bought the phone insurance they offered at the phone store". She went on about how I drop my phone all the time, how I don't understand and use the features of my phone anyway, and how relieved she was that I wasn't going to get a second cell phone with my new job because I was incapable of managing one phone much less two phones.
It came off as very disrespectful, much like a parent would treat a young child. When I began to defend myself, she cut me off and told me to shut up or she was going to stop the car and get out and walk. She hasn't used that threat since we were dating (over 25 years ago).
Later, when I tried to tell her that I thought she was being unreasonable and disrespectful, she again cut me off and said "You are being too sensitive and you are blowing this out of proportion, and I'm not going to discuss this with you".
As I thought about it, more of our recent communications have been like this. I have concluded that she has lost respect for me, and I have been trying to figure out why.
The only thing I can come up with it that I am about to change jobs. I have been very unhappy with work over the past 6-8 months. So I took some initiative, and found another job (I am a senior VP level person in the IT field). I accepted the job after we discussed it, because the new job would mean less (about 10-15% less) money for the first 6-12 months. She was concerned about the pay cut because she handles the finances, but she told me that it was more important for me to be happy, reclaim some work-life balance, etc.
This took place about 6 weeks ago, and seems to coincide with her recent treatment. When I bring it up, she refuses to discuss it, and tells me I am making too big a deal out of how she has been treating me.
So ladies, would a job change with less pay make you lose respect for your man? I was thinking that a guy who is unhappy with his career but who pisses and moans about it without taking action would lose some respect, but not a guy who takes the bull by the horns and does something about it.
Also, I have thought about myself, and I can't come up with any other reasons why she would lose respect for me:
- I'm healthy, in great shape (51 yo, 6'3" and 205#, go to the gym 2-3x per week), and very particular about my hygiene and grooming
- I'm generally a positive, proactive person
- I make a good living, even with the pay cut
- I treat her and our teenage son well
- I help around the house, cook, clean up, mow, etc.
- I don't have any vices or bad habits other than a sweet tooth
- Our sex life has been great for the past few years (before that it wasn't so great, but has been much better since MC/ST)
So I'm really at a loss over the disrespectful behavior she has treated me with recently, and I'm anxiously searching for input or possible answers.
Put the internet to work for you.
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