I really don't know what's wrong with me :( I've never had the highest of sex drives, but in the last couple of years (:confused:) things have gone downhill. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and we have totally different sex drives. If he had his way it'd be multiple times a day, but if I had my way it would be a couple of times a month (if that).
The thing is that it seems to be more than just a low sex drive with me - I actually don't want sex to the point where I actually have tears streaming down my face during it :( We last had sex a week ago and I made sure the lights were off (as always). I knew I didn't want to have sex, but we hadn't done it for a few weeks so I thought it was probably time to do it. I just lay there and felt my eyes prickling. My bf had no idea as I didn't make a sound and he obviously couldn't see my face. It would kill him if he knew I upset I get and it's not like he could help as I don't even know myself why I feel this way. Nothing bad *touch wood* has ever happened to me that way - the worst was probably an ex who told me he'd go elsewhere if he didn't get sex from me so I felt like it was more of a chore and I started to enjoy it less, but surely this can't be the reason?:confused:
There are times when I think 'if I have sex right now, I think I'll be ok' and we'll manage it without me being upset, but sometimes half way through I'll just be like 'please stop!' and have to jump up and leave the room. The times I can just about stand it, I'm wishing it to be over as quickly as possible and when it is over I'm happy as I know it's the longest possible time until I have to have sex again.
My bf is a great guy and he doesn't pressure me in the slightest. He's so understanding about everything, but even he doesn't know how much I can't stand sex sometimes. I know everyone has needs and that's why I try to put on a brave face every couple of weeks and do it, but I think I wouldn't miss it if I were never to have sex again. I've never been one to get all horny and jump on a guy or anything, but it's never been this bad before.
I've been on the pill for 12 years, but surely these problems would have happened sooner rather than a decade later? I don't know, I guess I'm just thinking (or writing) out loud.
Sorry for the long post, but does anyone else feel this way? I don't feel normal :(
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment