I like to be in control, I like to have the upper hand and I don't want to be in a position where I can be used and kicked to the curb.
I have a fear of being hurt and of loving someone but that someone not loving me back and this has affected my past relationships unfortunately. My most recent relationship, my partner told me he loved me a few months into the relationship and that scared me so much that I began to distance myself from him slowly. I didn't believe him and constantly questioned his motives and as a result he couldn't handle it any longer and we parted ways. This was my longest relationship, 6 months. I thought I could do it and get close to someone, but I couldn't.
I'm happier this way. I will not get so close to someone that I can be hurt, it is absolutely terrifying. My mother still loves my dad with all the **** he does to her and us and it's totally degrading and embarrassing, I've decided I'll never get into such a position as to allow myself to be used in such a degrading manner.
I'm quite normal, I have normal friends - well acquaintances, no one knows who I really am inside and I don't ever tell anyone not even my own mother my plans and dreams for the future because they can use it against me. And I sure as hell won't get so close to someone where he can know my weaknesses so I've decided to stay this way.
Does anyone else feel this way? I can't be that weird, I just don't want to fall in love.
Put the internet to work for you.
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