Wow, where to start in all this?
I have been in a relationship with my wife for 14 years and married for 8 (our anniversary would be tomorrow). We have a 2.5 year old boy and she's 6 months preggo.
About a year after my son was born, I was finally able to realize and discover I have been (or rather not) dealing with depression for about as long as I can remember. For those that are familiar with it, it's a terrible state to live your life in. Wanting my son to have a better life than me, I finally talked to someone in mental health and started to learn how to deal with it and improve my life and happiness. After about 5 months of drugs and therapy I started to feel a lot better about myself and my outlook on life; things were looking up for the better. Not wanting to admit to myself that I was dealing with a mental illness and talking drugs daily (I hate taking aspirins for headaches) I took myself off the rehab as I was feeling great.
The summer went by and I could start to feel tensions build with my wife (finances, child rearing - small things to me that felt could be worked out). I also started to notice the old feelings of depression starting to sink back in - doubt, low self-esteem, round and round thought patterns. By early winter I had caught myself fully relapsing - :(
I realized that I needed help again and sought out aid for the depression. About a week or so later I was then hit with the bomb that wife no longer loved me, had no more energy to put into the relationship and wanted a separation/divorce. I lost my **** and ended up in psych ward for a week. I felt lost and hopeless in all areas of my life. I also found out that my partner was a month pregnant and wanted to keep the child.
I was asked to move out for a 3 month separation in Jan. She also wanted me to sign an agreement. I found I couldn't/didn't want to do that as I felt she had been calling all the shots and I basically had to do what she wanted. I stayed at the new place for about a month, but wanting to visit my son after work, I found myself staying back at the old house and sleeping in the spare bedroom downstairs. I love my little guy! He's the raddest little dude in the world! Things seemed amicable enough and wife said she felt "hopeful". I guess being naive and hopeful I was clinging onto any crumb of hope out there.
In the meantime, I worked on my depression (how to handle it, what triggers it, how it affects my life and family). I started to feel really good again and how my depression was causing me to pull away from my family and the world. I felt good after 3 months and really looked forward to engaging with my family and life again.
Which leads me to the end of the 3 months. I asked here "where do we go from here?". She said here feelings hadn't really changed and that she still wants to proceed with the separation/divorce. I feel shattered, however, not super surprised that this is her answer. She is very stuck in her decision. I've asked about seeing a marriage coach/counsellor and she informed me she's been seeking help for about 4 months and has been prepared for this for some time. She also comes from a family that divorces (mom, dad, stepdad, sisters (X2)) when there are marital problems. I was raised in a family that stuck together and figured out their ****.
I guess I feel let down and betrayed. It seems like marriage vows are just a lip service that don't really mean much once the BIG day is over. I thought it was for "better or for worse". I guess when it's worse it's more like "well, screw you cuz you're actually on your own".
The other kicker is this unborn child. I felt really excited and connected to my first kid. We were stoked to be having our first and I could see her belly getting bigger everyday sleeping in the same bed. This kid? I feel a total disconnect and no real excitement like I did the first time. I guess I had a mental picture of "family" that I need to let go of and realize that we are now a "modern day nuclear family".
I'm not sure what to do or how to proceed from here. I'm losing my wife (best buddy), my house and my everyday relationship with my kid(s). It just feels really ****ed up. Sorry to rant and whine to you all.
I have been in a relationship with my wife for 14 years and married for 8 (our anniversary would be tomorrow). We have a 2.5 year old boy and she's 6 months preggo.
About a year after my son was born, I was finally able to realize and discover I have been (or rather not) dealing with depression for about as long as I can remember. For those that are familiar with it, it's a terrible state to live your life in. Wanting my son to have a better life than me, I finally talked to someone in mental health and started to learn how to deal with it and improve my life and happiness. After about 5 months of drugs and therapy I started to feel a lot better about myself and my outlook on life; things were looking up for the better. Not wanting to admit to myself that I was dealing with a mental illness and talking drugs daily (I hate taking aspirins for headaches) I took myself off the rehab as I was feeling great.
The summer went by and I could start to feel tensions build with my wife (finances, child rearing - small things to me that felt could be worked out). I also started to notice the old feelings of depression starting to sink back in - doubt, low self-esteem, round and round thought patterns. By early winter I had caught myself fully relapsing - :(
I realized that I needed help again and sought out aid for the depression. About a week or so later I was then hit with the bomb that wife no longer loved me, had no more energy to put into the relationship and wanted a separation/divorce. I lost my **** and ended up in psych ward for a week. I felt lost and hopeless in all areas of my life. I also found out that my partner was a month pregnant and wanted to keep the child.
I was asked to move out for a 3 month separation in Jan. She also wanted me to sign an agreement. I found I couldn't/didn't want to do that as I felt she had been calling all the shots and I basically had to do what she wanted. I stayed at the new place for about a month, but wanting to visit my son after work, I found myself staying back at the old house and sleeping in the spare bedroom downstairs. I love my little guy! He's the raddest little dude in the world! Things seemed amicable enough and wife said she felt "hopeful". I guess being naive and hopeful I was clinging onto any crumb of hope out there.
In the meantime, I worked on my depression (how to handle it, what triggers it, how it affects my life and family). I started to feel really good again and how my depression was causing me to pull away from my family and the world. I felt good after 3 months and really looked forward to engaging with my family and life again.
Which leads me to the end of the 3 months. I asked here "where do we go from here?". She said here feelings hadn't really changed and that she still wants to proceed with the separation/divorce. I feel shattered, however, not super surprised that this is her answer. She is very stuck in her decision. I've asked about seeing a marriage coach/counsellor and she informed me she's been seeking help for about 4 months and has been prepared for this for some time. She also comes from a family that divorces (mom, dad, stepdad, sisters (X2)) when there are marital problems. I was raised in a family that stuck together and figured out their ****.
I guess I feel let down and betrayed. It seems like marriage vows are just a lip service that don't really mean much once the BIG day is over. I thought it was for "better or for worse". I guess when it's worse it's more like "well, screw you cuz you're actually on your own".
The other kicker is this unborn child. I felt really excited and connected to my first kid. We were stoked to be having our first and I could see her belly getting bigger everyday sleeping in the same bed. This kid? I feel a total disconnect and no real excitement like I did the first time. I guess I had a mental picture of "family" that I need to let go of and realize that we are now a "modern day nuclear family".
I'm not sure what to do or how to proceed from here. I'm losing my wife (best buddy), my house and my everyday relationship with my kid(s). It just feels really ****ed up. Sorry to rant and whine to you all.
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