We're eighteen months from D-day. Things are going well between us recently. I am not so adamant about leaving as I was but I still haven't committed to reconciling.
I never thought I would stay with a cheater. Everyone knows what they'll do until it happens.
One of the things I just can't understand is the dichotomy of love then hate, then (proclaimed) love for me again. I just don't understand it, I just can't believe that he means it although it would be nice if I did.
The signs are there, he thinks of me again like he did for the first few years of our relationship. He anticipates my wants, needs and then takes initiative to fulfill them. If I express a want or need, he'll take care of it. He also looks at me (that look of awe, of wanting, of longing and love) like he used to and tells me he wants to be with me. When I told him I was done - that I can't do this anymore, he cried and cried hard about wanting to be with me, loving me, wanting to be with the kids and needing another chance to prove it.
Two years ago, it was not the case. You could see the look of disgust and hate in his eyes, you could hear the animosity in his tone of voice. I wasn't on the radar, I was shut out, I was the last to know about anything and what I did hear were lies.
Last summer, when he asked for a reconciliation, he explained to me that before/during his cheating, he would look at me and literally see the devil. I was evil incarnate, a person non grata, and the bain of his existence. I was ugly to him, even if dolled up, even in lingerie and heels and letting him know it was "game time". Now I'm beautiful in my sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair not done, no make-up on and folding laundry. Now I'm supposed to believe I am the love of his life?
If anyone has any thoughts on this, experience with this or understanding of it, enlighten me. I'm looking for input from WS's who have gone from hating to loving their spouse after affairs and BS's who have had the same done to them.
I never thought I would stay with a cheater. Everyone knows what they'll do until it happens.
One of the things I just can't understand is the dichotomy of love then hate, then (proclaimed) love for me again. I just don't understand it, I just can't believe that he means it although it would be nice if I did.
The signs are there, he thinks of me again like he did for the first few years of our relationship. He anticipates my wants, needs and then takes initiative to fulfill them. If I express a want or need, he'll take care of it. He also looks at me (that look of awe, of wanting, of longing and love) like he used to and tells me he wants to be with me. When I told him I was done - that I can't do this anymore, he cried and cried hard about wanting to be with me, loving me, wanting to be with the kids and needing another chance to prove it.
Two years ago, it was not the case. You could see the look of disgust and hate in his eyes, you could hear the animosity in his tone of voice. I wasn't on the radar, I was shut out, I was the last to know about anything and what I did hear were lies.
Last summer, when he asked for a reconciliation, he explained to me that before/during his cheating, he would look at me and literally see the devil. I was evil incarnate, a person non grata, and the bain of his existence. I was ugly to him, even if dolled up, even in lingerie and heels and letting him know it was "game time". Now I'm beautiful in my sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair not done, no make-up on and folding laundry. Now I'm supposed to believe I am the love of his life?
If anyone has any thoughts on this, experience with this or understanding of it, enlighten me. I'm looking for input from WS's who have gone from hating to loving their spouse after affairs and BS's who have had the same done to them.
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