I am genuinely interested in the answer to this question. Having been in both types of relationship extremes -- one, where there was virtually no chemistry, where I followed all the usual marital advice about "choosing to love," "the newness wears off," "it's the euphoria of a new relationship," "love is a choice, not a feeling," etc., and the second type of relationship (which I'm currently in, more than 3 years together) where the chemistry is off the charts.
Having said that, upon reflection, I do believe I followed the "checklist" too much when choosing to marry:
> nice guy
> nice family
> good income
> good provider
> good father someday
> etc.
Don't get me wrong, I did love my husband (now ex-husband) when I married him, or at least I thought it was the right kind of love, but I think we both overlooked a HUGE component for a successful marriage which is the raw, unabated attraction.
I suspect that many people overlook the "chemistry" aspect and think that all of the other factors are enough to sustain a marriage. In my case, they weren't. I also suspect that's why so many people are in unhappy marriages. I am in a relationship now where I can honestly say the wild attraction hasn't let up one bit. In fact, it's stronger now than in the beginning.
Mrs. John Adams posted in another thread about loving her husband's scent and how it drives her crazy. I feel the same way about my partner (never experienced that before) and this leads me to think their really is a biological/chemical component to attraction and loving someone, much of which is not within our control.
I am not trying to spark a debate about selfishness, about leaving someone when you promised a vow, "bait and switch," "choosing to love," wayward spouses, etc. Just wondering what people's thoughts are on the issue.
Is strong sexual chemistry truly necessary for a successful long term marriage?
Having said that, upon reflection, I do believe I followed the "checklist" too much when choosing to marry:
> nice guy
> nice family
> good income
> good provider
> good father someday
> etc.
Don't get me wrong, I did love my husband (now ex-husband) when I married him, or at least I thought it was the right kind of love, but I think we both overlooked a HUGE component for a successful marriage which is the raw, unabated attraction.
I suspect that many people overlook the "chemistry" aspect and think that all of the other factors are enough to sustain a marriage. In my case, they weren't. I also suspect that's why so many people are in unhappy marriages. I am in a relationship now where I can honestly say the wild attraction hasn't let up one bit. In fact, it's stronger now than in the beginning.
Mrs. John Adams posted in another thread about loving her husband's scent and how it drives her crazy. I feel the same way about my partner (never experienced that before) and this leads me to think their really is a biological/chemical component to attraction and loving someone, much of which is not within our control.
I am not trying to spark a debate about selfishness, about leaving someone when you promised a vow, "bait and switch," "choosing to love," wayward spouses, etc. Just wondering what people's thoughts are on the issue.
Is strong sexual chemistry truly necessary for a successful long term marriage?
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