Hello ladies,
I am new here...
I have a problem I have been dealing with and it is eating me up inside. I cant talk to my husband about it because he will only continue to deny it or get angry with me for the way I am feeling. I have been married for a year and a half and I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl end of January. And well, our entire relationship and marriage, we have had some problems.. but they were all about either money/budget or other stupid things like bad habits around the house or lack of effort in the marriage, sometimes we would have some issues with anger and lots of fighting that turned physical. I could deal with all of that, but cheating was just one thing we both agreed we could simply not deal with and we would both draw our lines for cheating as even looking at other men/women. Well, thru out all of our problems and issues, I held onto the fact my husband only had eyes for me and loved me and my body sooo much. And I felt this way because this is how he would act! He would always tell me I have an amazing body, even when pregnant.. and whenever a "****ty" or half dressed woman was on a webpage or something he would tell me he doesnt want to look at that "Sh*t" and would quickly look away or change the page. Anyhow, I took pride in this and felt so special because I felt the same way! I felt like he was the handsomest man in the world and even in my dreams, they were all about him... no one could compare to him! I know men are very visual creatures and always felt there is no such thing as a man who could possibly only be attracted to/want one woman, but as we are both christians and as he has always told me and showed me, is that he, as a God fearing man saw me and no one else could compare in his eyes.
Well, I decided to look at his internet history a week after giving birth (natural birth at home: so we were having such a great bonding time during this time), and I found that when I was 8 months pregnant he had went out on his own and searched for and looked at ****ty music videos, the same types of music videos he would always say, He doesnt want to see so adamentaly... and he had also clicked on articles of other celebrity women where the title was "look at her sexy bikini body on the beach" and also he had clicked on a link about this one woman "Amber Rose" who really is not known for anything but being a stripper turned socialite because she dated a famous rapper, and the article said "see her stunning before and after pregnancy photos!". I asked him about why he was interested in that article (since he is a guy and it didnt make sense to me why a guy would be interested in that) and he said he was looking at if it mentioned how she lost her baby weight, what diets she tried and exercises etc. Well now I am really offended because I had not even given birth yet and here he had been looking at ways for me to lose my baby weight already? And not to mention I was not an overweight pregnant woman whatsoever. In fact, at now two weeks postpartum, I am already back down to my pre pregnancy body!! So anyhow. Another thing is his other internet history had been deleted and he has a password code on his browser for his phone. So Now I am just completely shattered... Yes I know, many women have worse things they deal with when it comes to infidelity or trust issues... but this was a huge blow for me. Maybe its because I was pregnant at the time and found out RIGHT after giving birth... But I seriously dont know how to deal with this. I cry all of the time now. And I hate going online now where articles are or where sexy pictures of women are because now I know there are chances he will click on them or be interested in them, where just a month ago I had thought I was the only one he could ever even think of or have interest in in that way. I just dont know how to deal with my husband being attracted to other women after the way he had went literally OUT OF HIS WAY all of this time to make me believe he was not....
I am new here...
I have a problem I have been dealing with and it is eating me up inside. I cant talk to my husband about it because he will only continue to deny it or get angry with me for the way I am feeling. I have been married for a year and a half and I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl end of January. And well, our entire relationship and marriage, we have had some problems.. but they were all about either money/budget or other stupid things like bad habits around the house or lack of effort in the marriage, sometimes we would have some issues with anger and lots of fighting that turned physical. I could deal with all of that, but cheating was just one thing we both agreed we could simply not deal with and we would both draw our lines for cheating as even looking at other men/women. Well, thru out all of our problems and issues, I held onto the fact my husband only had eyes for me and loved me and my body sooo much. And I felt this way because this is how he would act! He would always tell me I have an amazing body, even when pregnant.. and whenever a "****ty" or half dressed woman was on a webpage or something he would tell me he doesnt want to look at that "Sh*t" and would quickly look away or change the page. Anyhow, I took pride in this and felt so special because I felt the same way! I felt like he was the handsomest man in the world and even in my dreams, they were all about him... no one could compare to him! I know men are very visual creatures and always felt there is no such thing as a man who could possibly only be attracted to/want one woman, but as we are both christians and as he has always told me and showed me, is that he, as a God fearing man saw me and no one else could compare in his eyes.
Well, I decided to look at his internet history a week after giving birth (natural birth at home: so we were having such a great bonding time during this time), and I found that when I was 8 months pregnant he had went out on his own and searched for and looked at ****ty music videos, the same types of music videos he would always say, He doesnt want to see so adamentaly... and he had also clicked on articles of other celebrity women where the title was "look at her sexy bikini body on the beach" and also he had clicked on a link about this one woman "Amber Rose" who really is not known for anything but being a stripper turned socialite because she dated a famous rapper, and the article said "see her stunning before and after pregnancy photos!". I asked him about why he was interested in that article (since he is a guy and it didnt make sense to me why a guy would be interested in that) and he said he was looking at if it mentioned how she lost her baby weight, what diets she tried and exercises etc. Well now I am really offended because I had not even given birth yet and here he had been looking at ways for me to lose my baby weight already? And not to mention I was not an overweight pregnant woman whatsoever. In fact, at now two weeks postpartum, I am already back down to my pre pregnancy body!! So anyhow. Another thing is his other internet history had been deleted and he has a password code on his browser for his phone. So Now I am just completely shattered... Yes I know, many women have worse things they deal with when it comes to infidelity or trust issues... but this was a huge blow for me. Maybe its because I was pregnant at the time and found out RIGHT after giving birth... But I seriously dont know how to deal with this. I cry all of the time now. And I hate going online now where articles are or where sexy pictures of women are because now I know there are chances he will click on them or be interested in them, where just a month ago I had thought I was the only one he could ever even think of or have interest in in that way. I just dont know how to deal with my husband being attracted to other women after the way he had went literally OUT OF HIS WAY all of this time to make me believe he was not....
Put the internet to work for you.
| |
| Recommended for you |
No comments:
Post a Comment