Hi everyone. Looking for some advice. My husband of 22 years has recently had a EA with a woman that works for him. I found out in November and have dealt with a lot of emotions and pain since. Once I found out the communication stopped for awhile but started back up. Then when I found the emails the second time the EA communication stopped but there was still work communication. I noticed that things still seemed to friendly for me to handle so we separated for a month.
Since the separation we have started counseling, he started a mens group with church, has gotten a mentor who has been through something like this and has started developing friendships with other men. He says he is completely done with it, loves me - is committed to me and our 3 children 100%. I see changes in him. Like the man I married is back. I let him move back in with certain rules and understandings that he has agreed to.
The main one of course is that he gets a new job. He is looking and has applied to several places. I have complete access to his work email, phone etc and I look - constantly. I haven't seen anything. He asks me to trust him just enough to give him time to find something new. He makes very good money and yes we need the income. He hates going to the office and I truly feel that he is remorseful.
My question - how do I get through every single day until he finds something? He calls me throughout the day, and texts me. We have good conversations at night. BUT that little unknown piece of my mind is scared that it could start back up. The green monster is there.. I truly know that he doesn't want this EA. He just liked the attention she gave him. Compliments, flirting.. Actually - she no longer reports to him due to a departmental change but does still work in the same department. (She is also married - 6 years with two very young children) Yes - she is 13 years younger..typical..
Am I strong enough to give him a little time? How do you keep from obsessing over it all day?
I KNOW that NC is an absolute necessity to save our marriage. But the money is necessary also..Less is definitely ok and we can work with that... but none for undetermined amount of time.. yikes.
Ughh...
Since the separation we have started counseling, he started a mens group with church, has gotten a mentor who has been through something like this and has started developing friendships with other men. He says he is completely done with it, loves me - is committed to me and our 3 children 100%. I see changes in him. Like the man I married is back. I let him move back in with certain rules and understandings that he has agreed to.
The main one of course is that he gets a new job. He is looking and has applied to several places. I have complete access to his work email, phone etc and I look - constantly. I haven't seen anything. He asks me to trust him just enough to give him time to find something new. He makes very good money and yes we need the income. He hates going to the office and I truly feel that he is remorseful.
My question - how do I get through every single day until he finds something? He calls me throughout the day, and texts me. We have good conversations at night. BUT that little unknown piece of my mind is scared that it could start back up. The green monster is there.. I truly know that he doesn't want this EA. He just liked the attention she gave him. Compliments, flirting.. Actually - she no longer reports to him due to a departmental change but does still work in the same department. (She is also married - 6 years with two very young children) Yes - she is 13 years younger..typical..
Am I strong enough to give him a little time? How do you keep from obsessing over it all day?
I KNOW that NC is an absolute necessity to save our marriage. But the money is necessary also..Less is definitely ok and we can work with that... but none for undetermined amount of time.. yikes.
Ughh...
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment