Hello,
I am actually "the wife" posting to gain insight. I have been married for almost 4 years now, we were 26. The last year has been a challenge for us. I know you guys like to get straight to the point so I will try not leave a novel.
I will first start off by saying He's a really nice guy, and passive. I actually told him while we were dating that females cheated on him in the past because he allowed them to do so. Grow some balls...women like to feel secure and a man to take charge. I actually told him this when we first got married. It would just be awkward for me to tell him "take charge and shut me down" when we argue.
My husband is an excellent father, very kind man, very smart, and would go to the end of the world for me. However, the past year we have been having issues to the point we are sleeping in separate rooms. He said that I was emotionally abusive and I told him that was BS.
Ill be honest...when we argue I get loud, I curse some..the most I will say to him is "F you"...but I dont call him out of his name, I never ever call him names , and I definitely dont embarrass him in public. However, I do nag him about cleaning, and he feels as if "he just cant do anything right". I criticize how he cleans. I just feel as though he doesnt pay attention like he should, unless its something he wants to do like gun shows, fishing, hunting, cars, etc. I will deep clean the entire kitchen and he'll come right in and destroy it and say "oh ill clean it tomorrow" so I snap!!! I feel like he's lazy so im constantly yelling, why havent you done this or that. Mind you, he has never lived on his own, he lived with his parents when we met, and was saving to buy a home So he really doesnt know how to live with someone. I criticize his appearance. Not his body, he's in good shape and I tell him all time he looks good but his clothes and shoes look like trash. I go out of my way to look nice for "him" and try to keep it spicy so that he will still want me and not look at other women wishing i looked like them ( i hear men complain about that all the time about wives letting themselves go). but he doenst for me, and I express all the time "can you look nice for me and get new shoes" He hasnt bought new shoes since we started dating and he wears the same sneakers for 6 years now. Im not caught in name brands but I just feel like he doesnt care what he looks like anymore because he has bagged and tagged me.
Im not sure if this is belittling, but sometimes when he makes careless mistakes I say "what were you thinking?" or "thats common sense" or "DUH!!!" or "you're very very smart, but you lack common sense" We have a 1 year old son and I do everything clean house, laundry, drop and pick my son up. My commute to work is 2 hours one way while he works 10 minutes away. So I think there's some resentment there. He thinks I start arguements on purpose which is not true. He says he feels like he has to be careful what he says around me because he doesnt want to say the wrong thing to set met off. He says he feels like i dont love him anymore the way i yell at him. Im somewhat controlling when comes t the house like cleaning and trash, or things are broken he needs to fix them.
I DO encourage him to hang all the time with friends so that we can have a little time a part. He's gone to the strip club with his brother, few lounges. I dont mind. I actually dont like to be bunned up all the time. I like to miss him sometimes. So I do reject him sometimes. Im not sure if there is a mild forM of emotional abusiveness going on here, but I dont feel as though I am. However, he has made some of the comments some of you men are making so now I am concerned. We no longer have sex. I dont have the desire. I feel like thats all he wants from me but doesnt meet me emotinally. like taking the time to write me a note or doing the things he used to do. He doesnt initiate anything. Everthing we do is because i ask him...I would for once want to do seomthing he wants but I dont get it and thats boring..so I lash out.
I welcome all comments and suggestions... Please help.
I am actually "the wife" posting to gain insight. I have been married for almost 4 years now, we were 26. The last year has been a challenge for us. I know you guys like to get straight to the point so I will try not leave a novel.
I will first start off by saying He's a really nice guy, and passive. I actually told him while we were dating that females cheated on him in the past because he allowed them to do so. Grow some balls...women like to feel secure and a man to take charge. I actually told him this when we first got married. It would just be awkward for me to tell him "take charge and shut me down" when we argue.
My husband is an excellent father, very kind man, very smart, and would go to the end of the world for me. However, the past year we have been having issues to the point we are sleeping in separate rooms. He said that I was emotionally abusive and I told him that was BS.
Ill be honest...when we argue I get loud, I curse some..the most I will say to him is "F you"...but I dont call him out of his name, I never ever call him names , and I definitely dont embarrass him in public. However, I do nag him about cleaning, and he feels as if "he just cant do anything right". I criticize how he cleans. I just feel as though he doesnt pay attention like he should, unless its something he wants to do like gun shows, fishing, hunting, cars, etc. I will deep clean the entire kitchen and he'll come right in and destroy it and say "oh ill clean it tomorrow" so I snap!!! I feel like he's lazy so im constantly yelling, why havent you done this or that. Mind you, he has never lived on his own, he lived with his parents when we met, and was saving to buy a home So he really doesnt know how to live with someone. I criticize his appearance. Not his body, he's in good shape and I tell him all time he looks good but his clothes and shoes look like trash. I go out of my way to look nice for "him" and try to keep it spicy so that he will still want me and not look at other women wishing i looked like them ( i hear men complain about that all the time about wives letting themselves go). but he doenst for me, and I express all the time "can you look nice for me and get new shoes" He hasnt bought new shoes since we started dating and he wears the same sneakers for 6 years now. Im not caught in name brands but I just feel like he doesnt care what he looks like anymore because he has bagged and tagged me.
Im not sure if this is belittling, but sometimes when he makes careless mistakes I say "what were you thinking?" or "thats common sense" or "DUH!!!" or "you're very very smart, but you lack common sense" We have a 1 year old son and I do everything clean house, laundry, drop and pick my son up. My commute to work is 2 hours one way while he works 10 minutes away. So I think there's some resentment there. He thinks I start arguements on purpose which is not true. He says he feels like he has to be careful what he says around me because he doesnt want to say the wrong thing to set met off. He says he feels like i dont love him anymore the way i yell at him. Im somewhat controlling when comes t the house like cleaning and trash, or things are broken he needs to fix them.
I DO encourage him to hang all the time with friends so that we can have a little time a part. He's gone to the strip club with his brother, few lounges. I dont mind. I actually dont like to be bunned up all the time. I like to miss him sometimes. So I do reject him sometimes. Im not sure if there is a mild forM of emotional abusiveness going on here, but I dont feel as though I am. However, he has made some of the comments some of you men are making so now I am concerned. We no longer have sex. I dont have the desire. I feel like thats all he wants from me but doesnt meet me emotinally. like taking the time to write me a note or doing the things he used to do. He doesnt initiate anything. Everthing we do is because i ask him...I would for once want to do seomthing he wants but I dont get it and thats boring..so I lash out.
I welcome all comments and suggestions... Please help.
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