Hello, there. It has been a couple of years since I visited the forum. My husband believes it is deceitful of me to do so. He claims that I spin everything in my favor so that, of course, you will all feel so terrible for me. While I am aware that my own feelings will be more prevalent in what I write, I do always try to give both sides of the argument.
Despite all of the issues in my marriage... money, sex, being a step-parent and not having any children of my own... the reason I am coming here today is specific to one incident.
You see, a very good friend of mine came into town this past week and I really wanted to spend some time with her. She tried to get my husband and I to go to dinner with her, but he refused. So, I make plans to meet her at the local tiki Bar for lunch and drinks as we enjoyed the music of a really great local band. I could tell by his demeanor that my husband did not want me to go, but would not come right out and say it. He never wants me to go anywhere. He even conveniently forgot that I have made plans with my friend as he tried to get me to commit to other plans with him. All of a sudden he wanted to take me to the movies (rare) on the same day that I was to spend time with my friend. I reminded him that I was going with my friend. Of course, he did not try to make plans to go to a movie another day.
Moving along. Just before I walked out the door on Sunday to meet up with my girlfriend, my husband had the nerve to tell me to act appropriately. I was stunned. I know that none of you know me personally, but I never misbehave. I am like a little-miss-goodie-two-shoes. I told him that I could not believe he felt the need to say such a thing to me. He then told me that he was more worried about my girlfriend. Well, I have been out with her several times over the years and never did I have any problems. So, I told my husband that I loved him, gave him a kiss and went on my merry way.
The day was great. I had a blast catching up with my girlfriend, as we frequently laughed at and joked about the other patrons of the tiki bar. You know, those that look ridiculous in spandex or have two left feet. Anyway, all was good except I am a lightweight. I do not drink much at all and somehow I lost track and would up having four drinks throughout the afternoon. I felt fine until it was time to leave. My girlfriend told me that she was going to use the restroom before we hit the road home and immediately after she left the table I folded my arms on the table and put my head in my hands. I was so tired and it was all downhill from there. She helped me to her car and drove me back to the house where she was staying since my truck was parked there. As soon as I got to her house I began heaving. I was all out s***-faced.
Keep in mind that I am 34 years old, have been with my husband for over 14 years, never do this and have not been drunk since I was 16 years old. My husband on the other hand, while only on a rare occasion do we go out, gets s***-faced every time we do. Before I met him, he got so drunk that he flipped his truck driving home. He had a wife and two children at home at the time. He was lucky to have only would up with a totaled truck, a busted up ear and a broken leg. He has come home in the past after going to a bachelor party and told me that the stripper had the prettiest p***y he had ever seen. He has gone out with me and begun taking off his clothes as he competed with a woman to see who had a better chest. We played Texas Hold 'Em with his employees one night where he wound up getting super-trashed and causing a horrible scene in his friend's front yard as he refused to give up his keys and insulted me publicly as he call me a ***** and a ***** and told everyone else there that he wore the motherf****** pants in the relationship. It was so bad that his friends told me that I had to give up and let him drive drunk. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I felt so guilty but he was becoming physically combative as he began shoving me. I cried as I chased him all the way home. He sped like a bat outta he**, and ran stop signs around the right side of the signs to try to lose me. As soon as we got home I knew things were going to get worse, so I ran in the house and locked myself in the bathroom to try to get away from him. He just busted through the bathroom door and I wound up injured. He is the one who is unable to conduct himself in a decent manner when drinking.
Back to Sunday evening. My girlfriend tried to take care of me after she got me back to her place. She got me a puke bucket, washcloth, water and held my hair back as I got sick. She kept me there until my husband called my cell phone at 9:30 p.m. at which time my girlfriend drove me home as they had arranged for her to bring him back to pick up my truck. When we arrived at the house he callously and sternly instructed me put my shoes on, then to get up and get out of the car. I went straight to the bedroom and went to sleep. He slept on the couch.
The next morning, my husband walked in the bathroom as I was purging everything out of my stomach, and coldly said "I have to take a shower." I just replied "Can you give me a minute?" After he left for work I took a bath, put my make-up on while laying down in bed, then sluggishly drove myself to work. I made sure that I looked bright and alert, so nobody would suspect that I was hungover. With the exception of a queasy stomach, I really was fine. I did not even have a headache. When I got out of work I called my husband to let him know I was on my way home as I always do, but he spoke with a sharp and angry tongue as he told me that he was very disappointed in me. I asked why he was disappointed in me and he proceeded to tell me that I had done exactly what he asked me not to do and that I acted inappropriately. I told him that I behaved very appropriately. No one flirted with me… I flirted with no one. I danced to two songs with my girlfriend. She and I kept to ourselves the entire time. I told him that I simply had too much to drink and did not feel it sneaking up on me. He responded angrily by saying "You don't think being sprawled all out over a table is inappropriate?!?!?" I told him that I did no such thing and that I simply folded my arms on the table and put my head in my hands. I very adamantly reiterated that I did not act inappropriately and asked how he could dare have the nerve to call me out and chastise me for having too much to drink one time, when I have carted him home and cleaned him up several times. I told him that I could not believe that the one time I had too much I could not count on him to help me feel better. I mean, it would have been nice to have my husband hold my hair back and tell me that everything will be alright. He just hung up on me. I tried to call him back, but he just hung up on me a second time.
When I got home, I washed all of the bed linens and cleaned up the house. When I was done with the housework, I asked my husband if he wanted me to make him some dinner. He replied in a derogatory, I-can't-believe-you're-asking-me-such-a-stupid-question manner "Uh… Yes." I told him I was only asking because when he gets mad me he tends to allow me to work hard on making a home-cooked meal only to tell me that he is not hungry. He then said that he was never mad for having too much to drink. He said that it was my reaction on the phone when I called him to tell him that I was on my way home from work. He was lying. He knew that he had no argument and was now reaching for some reason to validate his being angry so that he was not viewed as a hypocrite. This did not work. He then got even more made at me and told me not to make him anything to eat. He got up and got dressed. He even did his hair and put on cologne. I figured he was going to go out and get pi**-a** drunk. So when he refused to tell me where he was going, I simply asked him not to dishonor or disrespect me as I did not dishonor or disrespect him. He then told me that I was a pathetic human being and stormed out. He was back in about 45 minutes after having gone to Burger King. He thinks I am stupid, but I know he purposefully made me think he was going OUT-out. It was a little mind game he was playing. He is very good at that. He slept on the couch again last night.
We are still not speaking today, and I am hurt and angry. I am so hurt that I just cannot for the life of me understand how if someone loves you, they can treat you in such a heartless manner. I am so angry that I want to tell him that I will not be cooking him dinner tonight either. The trouble is I don't want to throw more fuel on the fire, but also feel this fire needs to burn. I am not appreciated or respected and do not want to give in. If I give in, then he will consider himself right and I will have to accept his story that I acted inappropriately. He is trying to break me and wants me to beg him for forgiveness, but I have not done anything that would warrant the need for forgiveness.
Please, tell me what you think.
Despite all of the issues in my marriage... money, sex, being a step-parent and not having any children of my own... the reason I am coming here today is specific to one incident.
You see, a very good friend of mine came into town this past week and I really wanted to spend some time with her. She tried to get my husband and I to go to dinner with her, but he refused. So, I make plans to meet her at the local tiki Bar for lunch and drinks as we enjoyed the music of a really great local band. I could tell by his demeanor that my husband did not want me to go, but would not come right out and say it. He never wants me to go anywhere. He even conveniently forgot that I have made plans with my friend as he tried to get me to commit to other plans with him. All of a sudden he wanted to take me to the movies (rare) on the same day that I was to spend time with my friend. I reminded him that I was going with my friend. Of course, he did not try to make plans to go to a movie another day.
Moving along. Just before I walked out the door on Sunday to meet up with my girlfriend, my husband had the nerve to tell me to act appropriately. I was stunned. I know that none of you know me personally, but I never misbehave. I am like a little-miss-goodie-two-shoes. I told him that I could not believe he felt the need to say such a thing to me. He then told me that he was more worried about my girlfriend. Well, I have been out with her several times over the years and never did I have any problems. So, I told my husband that I loved him, gave him a kiss and went on my merry way.
The day was great. I had a blast catching up with my girlfriend, as we frequently laughed at and joked about the other patrons of the tiki bar. You know, those that look ridiculous in spandex or have two left feet. Anyway, all was good except I am a lightweight. I do not drink much at all and somehow I lost track and would up having four drinks throughout the afternoon. I felt fine until it was time to leave. My girlfriend told me that she was going to use the restroom before we hit the road home and immediately after she left the table I folded my arms on the table and put my head in my hands. I was so tired and it was all downhill from there. She helped me to her car and drove me back to the house where she was staying since my truck was parked there. As soon as I got to her house I began heaving. I was all out s***-faced.
Keep in mind that I am 34 years old, have been with my husband for over 14 years, never do this and have not been drunk since I was 16 years old. My husband on the other hand, while only on a rare occasion do we go out, gets s***-faced every time we do. Before I met him, he got so drunk that he flipped his truck driving home. He had a wife and two children at home at the time. He was lucky to have only would up with a totaled truck, a busted up ear and a broken leg. He has come home in the past after going to a bachelor party and told me that the stripper had the prettiest p***y he had ever seen. He has gone out with me and begun taking off his clothes as he competed with a woman to see who had a better chest. We played Texas Hold 'Em with his employees one night where he wound up getting super-trashed and causing a horrible scene in his friend's front yard as he refused to give up his keys and insulted me publicly as he call me a ***** and a ***** and told everyone else there that he wore the motherf****** pants in the relationship. It was so bad that his friends told me that I had to give up and let him drive drunk. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I felt so guilty but he was becoming physically combative as he began shoving me. I cried as I chased him all the way home. He sped like a bat outta he**, and ran stop signs around the right side of the signs to try to lose me. As soon as we got home I knew things were going to get worse, so I ran in the house and locked myself in the bathroom to try to get away from him. He just busted through the bathroom door and I wound up injured. He is the one who is unable to conduct himself in a decent manner when drinking.
Back to Sunday evening. My girlfriend tried to take care of me after she got me back to her place. She got me a puke bucket, washcloth, water and held my hair back as I got sick. She kept me there until my husband called my cell phone at 9:30 p.m. at which time my girlfriend drove me home as they had arranged for her to bring him back to pick up my truck. When we arrived at the house he callously and sternly instructed me put my shoes on, then to get up and get out of the car. I went straight to the bedroom and went to sleep. He slept on the couch.
The next morning, my husband walked in the bathroom as I was purging everything out of my stomach, and coldly said "I have to take a shower." I just replied "Can you give me a minute?" After he left for work I took a bath, put my make-up on while laying down in bed, then sluggishly drove myself to work. I made sure that I looked bright and alert, so nobody would suspect that I was hungover. With the exception of a queasy stomach, I really was fine. I did not even have a headache. When I got out of work I called my husband to let him know I was on my way home as I always do, but he spoke with a sharp and angry tongue as he told me that he was very disappointed in me. I asked why he was disappointed in me and he proceeded to tell me that I had done exactly what he asked me not to do and that I acted inappropriately. I told him that I behaved very appropriately. No one flirted with me… I flirted with no one. I danced to two songs with my girlfriend. She and I kept to ourselves the entire time. I told him that I simply had too much to drink and did not feel it sneaking up on me. He responded angrily by saying "You don't think being sprawled all out over a table is inappropriate?!?!?" I told him that I did no such thing and that I simply folded my arms on the table and put my head in my hands. I very adamantly reiterated that I did not act inappropriately and asked how he could dare have the nerve to call me out and chastise me for having too much to drink one time, when I have carted him home and cleaned him up several times. I told him that I could not believe that the one time I had too much I could not count on him to help me feel better. I mean, it would have been nice to have my husband hold my hair back and tell me that everything will be alright. He just hung up on me. I tried to call him back, but he just hung up on me a second time.
When I got home, I washed all of the bed linens and cleaned up the house. When I was done with the housework, I asked my husband if he wanted me to make him some dinner. He replied in a derogatory, I-can't-believe-you're-asking-me-such-a-stupid-question manner "Uh… Yes." I told him I was only asking because when he gets mad me he tends to allow me to work hard on making a home-cooked meal only to tell me that he is not hungry. He then said that he was never mad for having too much to drink. He said that it was my reaction on the phone when I called him to tell him that I was on my way home from work. He was lying. He knew that he had no argument and was now reaching for some reason to validate his being angry so that he was not viewed as a hypocrite. This did not work. He then got even more made at me and told me not to make him anything to eat. He got up and got dressed. He even did his hair and put on cologne. I figured he was going to go out and get pi**-a** drunk. So when he refused to tell me where he was going, I simply asked him not to dishonor or disrespect me as I did not dishonor or disrespect him. He then told me that I was a pathetic human being and stormed out. He was back in about 45 minutes after having gone to Burger King. He thinks I am stupid, but I know he purposefully made me think he was going OUT-out. It was a little mind game he was playing. He is very good at that. He slept on the couch again last night.
We are still not speaking today, and I am hurt and angry. I am so hurt that I just cannot for the life of me understand how if someone loves you, they can treat you in such a heartless manner. I am so angry that I want to tell him that I will not be cooking him dinner tonight either. The trouble is I don't want to throw more fuel on the fire, but also feel this fire needs to burn. I am not appreciated or respected and do not want to give in. If I give in, then he will consider himself right and I will have to accept his story that I acted inappropriately. He is trying to break me and wants me to beg him for forgiveness, but I have not done anything that would warrant the need for forgiveness.
Please, tell me what you think.
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