I am posting this here hoping that I would get some opinion from you. Let me give you some bg.
My husband and I are married for almost 3 years now. He brings all the money in the house even if I work earning some pennies. I would put it that way because he doesn't want me paying any of our bills instead just put it in my wallet or spend in my personal needs. When I went to college my brother has helped me until I graduated and now I am giving back a little while he goes back to college. So it's like that's where my "little pennies" goes. We have talked about this before I entered our marriage. This was never issue at all.
My husband makes around $160,000 a year plus bonus. But we do not have any savings in the bank except from his 401k and that's it. We have debts in our credit cards (me as authorized user) that's totalled $25,000. Some of it was his debt before we got married from vacations we had that I didn't know were all put into his credit card. And that's fine.
We live in a decent community (surrounded by million dollar houses) owned a condo unit and I am now 3 months pregnant and had stopped working for health reasons and will just continue making sure our first baby is healthy as per agreement.
We have $3000 monthly mortgage and all other bills would total another $1500. Every once in a while we would help my family around $50 to $100 a month and we also pay his father's monthly utilities. No issues.
Here's the issue. My husband has been taking out money from his retirement with my consent of course for some valid reason that I approved but...We have the money back $5000 that even if we put back to the retirement we will still be taxed at the end of the year so my husband just want to keep the money at bank and so I told him to never use it because I am sure we will owe tax money at the end of the year. But that did not happen.
He told me that he only has $3000 left in the bank, after a month.
I was asking him where did WE put the money but he would tell me about debts that we have all put in credit cards before and not paid cash. So i thought it wasnt' valid. I do not have access to any of his bank accounts except from some credit cards.
I was not a spender. I am happy with a $10 tshirt. If I own something that cost more than a $75, that's his purchase for me. I do my own nails. I do not go to spa or salon as a routine unless I need a haircut. My point is he had to push me of buying something that is $60 or more. If I buy something, I use my debit from savings from my past job. I don't remember we ever buy something expensive or if we did, it's in the credit card.
We have a nice lifestyle, of going to the GROCERY not being too conservative about the price. Two of us in the house and we would prolly spent $1000 for grocery plus his 3 bottle of wine a week. We would drive around without being too cautious about gas, but we didn't went to any trip for months now.
I don't know if these make any sense, but I am concerned about NOT having any savings in the bank except 401k of course. he would always tell me that we are doing good (he could manage our finances-meaning pay) but I feel like we literally live in debt coz our credit card debt still goes on high. Knowing some of our friends who makes barely $60,000 a year could afford going on vacations with 2 KIDS, owned a house (different area in Cali) so this kinda freaked me out.
How can I convince my husband to literally be more conservative in spending? I know, who ever makes money has something to say about it. but I am just worried about our future specially us having kids. He is almost 50 and have been single all his life and I kind of get it that it probably takes time to realize the lifestyle change but he doesn't buy much of pricey clothing.
You think the $30-$40 wine three to four times a week has something to do with this, and when he doesn't like the taste put into trash after just a pour and buy another one? :p (he will hate me for this)
Is my $4 french fries from a food chain once a week ruin our budget? :smthumbup:
I am not whining, seriously. I have the most wonderful husband and we are in a happy marriage. This spending is just really bothering me.
Even if I spend $100 or more, he won't say anything. But I was born without money and he is the same but we have different views in spending. He loves his "What if I die tomorrow?" and I would answer back, "Well, I'll be left with all of our debt alone."
We don't party. Husband is home and work. It's hard for me to confront because he never wanted to fight about money. Or I get irritated when he would laugh coz he think I am over reacting.
My husband and I are married for almost 3 years now. He brings all the money in the house even if I work earning some pennies. I would put it that way because he doesn't want me paying any of our bills instead just put it in my wallet or spend in my personal needs. When I went to college my brother has helped me until I graduated and now I am giving back a little while he goes back to college. So it's like that's where my "little pennies" goes. We have talked about this before I entered our marriage. This was never issue at all.
My husband makes around $160,000 a year plus bonus. But we do not have any savings in the bank except from his 401k and that's it. We have debts in our credit cards (me as authorized user) that's totalled $25,000. Some of it was his debt before we got married from vacations we had that I didn't know were all put into his credit card. And that's fine.
We live in a decent community (surrounded by million dollar houses) owned a condo unit and I am now 3 months pregnant and had stopped working for health reasons and will just continue making sure our first baby is healthy as per agreement.
We have $3000 monthly mortgage and all other bills would total another $1500. Every once in a while we would help my family around $50 to $100 a month and we also pay his father's monthly utilities. No issues.
Here's the issue. My husband has been taking out money from his retirement with my consent of course for some valid reason that I approved but...We have the money back $5000 that even if we put back to the retirement we will still be taxed at the end of the year so my husband just want to keep the money at bank and so I told him to never use it because I am sure we will owe tax money at the end of the year. But that did not happen.
He told me that he only has $3000 left in the bank, after a month.
I was asking him where did WE put the money but he would tell me about debts that we have all put in credit cards before and not paid cash. So i thought it wasnt' valid. I do not have access to any of his bank accounts except from some credit cards.
I was not a spender. I am happy with a $10 tshirt. If I own something that cost more than a $75, that's his purchase for me. I do my own nails. I do not go to spa or salon as a routine unless I need a haircut. My point is he had to push me of buying something that is $60 or more. If I buy something, I use my debit from savings from my past job. I don't remember we ever buy something expensive or if we did, it's in the credit card.
We have a nice lifestyle, of going to the GROCERY not being too conservative about the price. Two of us in the house and we would prolly spent $1000 for grocery plus his 3 bottle of wine a week. We would drive around without being too cautious about gas, but we didn't went to any trip for months now.
I don't know if these make any sense, but I am concerned about NOT having any savings in the bank except 401k of course. he would always tell me that we are doing good (he could manage our finances-meaning pay) but I feel like we literally live in debt coz our credit card debt still goes on high. Knowing some of our friends who makes barely $60,000 a year could afford going on vacations with 2 KIDS, owned a house (different area in Cali) so this kinda freaked me out.
How can I convince my husband to literally be more conservative in spending? I know, who ever makes money has something to say about it. but I am just worried about our future specially us having kids. He is almost 50 and have been single all his life and I kind of get it that it probably takes time to realize the lifestyle change but he doesn't buy much of pricey clothing.
You think the $30-$40 wine three to four times a week has something to do with this, and when he doesn't like the taste put into trash after just a pour and buy another one? :p (he will hate me for this)
Is my $4 french fries from a food chain once a week ruin our budget? :smthumbup:
I am not whining, seriously. I have the most wonderful husband and we are in a happy marriage. This spending is just really bothering me.
Even if I spend $100 or more, he won't say anything. But I was born without money and he is the same but we have different views in spending. He loves his "What if I die tomorrow?" and I would answer back, "Well, I'll be left with all of our debt alone."
We don't party. Husband is home and work. It's hard for me to confront because he never wanted to fight about money. Or I get irritated when he would laugh coz he think I am over reacting.
Put the internet to work for you.
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