I am currently living in Beijing, China, having moved here 8 months ago to be with my Chinese girlfriend. We met in the UK last year and have been together for 16 months. When she moved back to China last year, I decided to come out and join her, and I moved over in February. The intention was to see how things worked out, and then plan a future together (probably back in the UK).
When we first met back in the UK, we connected instantly. We share the same values and outlook on life, and got along very well. Initially I saw her simply as a friend; someone to spend time with and have a laugh with. I never expected things to go further - indeed I didn't initially want them to. However, over time feelings developed and we got together.
Over time, I have been considering a long term future together with her. But now, 16 months down the line, I am wondering if this is what I really want. Although we have had ups and downs since I came to China, we still get on well, so this isn't the problem.
The problem is that I am concerned about the prospect of starting a family with her. I am daunted by the prospect of having mixed race children, and fact that they will look partly Asian. For some reason, I would simply prefer to have all-white children. That is not to say I wouldn't love a mixed race child - I think I would love my children, regardless of whether they were mixed race or not. However, my preference is for a non-mixed race child.
An additional problem is that my girlfriend's parents (who I have never met and don't even know about me) do not speak any English and live in central China. Now, when I do start a family, I am keen to have both sets of grandparents around in order to play a part in the children's lives - along with other extended family members. This is particularly important, given that my own parents are getting on. Having a set of grandparents that neither I, nor my children can communicate with properly, and who live on the other side of the world, is a concern to me.
I think that perhaps it is simply a case that the potential future that lies ahead is very different from the future I had always imagined. I always imagined myself settling down with a Caucasian partner and having a family in the UK.
I am faced with a dilemma. On the one hand, I don't want to head down the route of a long term future with someone when I am not comfortable about these things. On the other hand, I still have feelings for her and feel a need to be with her and care for her. I have had these doubts for a while now and I don't know whether to break it off, or to just accept the things I am not comfortable with and get on with life together.
I am also concerned that I am racist. I'm definitely not outwardly racist - I like and accept people from all cultures and walks of life. However, the idea of not wanting a mixed race child gives me concern about my own viewpoints.
Advice or comments welcome.
When we first met back in the UK, we connected instantly. We share the same values and outlook on life, and got along very well. Initially I saw her simply as a friend; someone to spend time with and have a laugh with. I never expected things to go further - indeed I didn't initially want them to. However, over time feelings developed and we got together.
Over time, I have been considering a long term future together with her. But now, 16 months down the line, I am wondering if this is what I really want. Although we have had ups and downs since I came to China, we still get on well, so this isn't the problem.
The problem is that I am concerned about the prospect of starting a family with her. I am daunted by the prospect of having mixed race children, and fact that they will look partly Asian. For some reason, I would simply prefer to have all-white children. That is not to say I wouldn't love a mixed race child - I think I would love my children, regardless of whether they were mixed race or not. However, my preference is for a non-mixed race child.
An additional problem is that my girlfriend's parents (who I have never met and don't even know about me) do not speak any English and live in central China. Now, when I do start a family, I am keen to have both sets of grandparents around in order to play a part in the children's lives - along with other extended family members. This is particularly important, given that my own parents are getting on. Having a set of grandparents that neither I, nor my children can communicate with properly, and who live on the other side of the world, is a concern to me.
I think that perhaps it is simply a case that the potential future that lies ahead is very different from the future I had always imagined. I always imagined myself settling down with a Caucasian partner and having a family in the UK.
I am faced with a dilemma. On the one hand, I don't want to head down the route of a long term future with someone when I am not comfortable about these things. On the other hand, I still have feelings for her and feel a need to be with her and care for her. I have had these doubts for a while now and I don't know whether to break it off, or to just accept the things I am not comfortable with and get on with life together.
I am also concerned that I am racist. I'm definitely not outwardly racist - I like and accept people from all cultures and walks of life. However, the idea of not wanting a mixed race child gives me concern about my own viewpoints.
Advice or comments welcome.
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