Where to begin...I've been with my husband for a total of 23 years and married for 14 of those. It's never been a great relationship. My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive but of course he doesn't recognize any of that. I've never felt secure in our relationship. He's always seemed to play on my insecurities. Now, after many years, I know it's because of his own insecurities. He has been physical at times. Not a lot but still any physical abuse it too much.
We've both always worked. I've worked for him all these years plus held an outside job of my own. I've played a very big role in his business and when business was bad I'd get blamed for things even though it was never my fault that things were not going right. Just part of running a business. We have two children, ages 12 and 8. Things were great financially for a long time but with the economy the last 5 years, it's all been downhill. I lost my job and his business came to a brutal halt.
I've been unhappy for years, even before the birth of our second child. I remember crying myself to sleep night after night because I felt unloved and unappreciated. He was they type of man who expected me to iron his clothes, fix his plate, make his drink, etc...all while carrying on a full time job and work for him and do everything for the kids. I got little to no help from him when it came to household chores and taking care of kids. A few years ago things took a turn for the worse. He hit me in the face in front of the kids one night. He had been drinking and arguing with a friend. He always seems to argue with people. He took it out on me. That night, I lost anything I had left. I didn't want to split up our family so I went looking for some outside affection. I ended up having a short fling with my son's baseball coach. Not proud of that one. Husband found out I had something with someone. Didn't know who and didn't know how far it went. Things got wor se. We were on vacation and we had a horrible fight, again in front of the kids. I hit first. I was so frustrated at the whole thing. I'd never hit him ever before but I did and he struck back only harder and more. Broke my nose and had to spend the rest of the trip hiding two black eyes and a broken nose from our friends we were with. After we got back I told him I wanted out but he convinced me that we needed to stay until we could work out our financial problems and cleans things up for the boys. I agreed but I ended up having an emotional affair with someone for two months. My husband found out and ran the guy off and we entered into therapy. Then our problems became all about my two emotional affairs. He would take no responsibility for any of our problems. Even though I took full credit for my wrong doings. We would only argue at therapy and the therapist said he would only see us separately because we got nowhere together. I stayed in therapy for 8 month s while my husband went to 3 sessions before dropping out. He would say he was working on what they've already discussed. This summer I told him I was moving out of state to live with my parents. We put the house up for sell and the kids and I moved in with my parents while my husband as stayed back. That was the middle of August. My husband is living with a friend because he can't afford to live anywhere. I'm living with my parents until I can find a job and support me and the boys. My husbands keeps saying he wants to make this work and I don't. I'm so emotionally broken by this man I can't stand to be around him. He's come to town three times to visit the boys, usually staying with his sister. This past weekend he came in and stayed here with us. I agreed to let him and it was horrible. I can't stand to be around him and I hate that. He's broken. He has no where to go, no money to support himself and I know he hates being around the kids. I just want to fi le and move on but I'm worried about him and what he will do.
I don't even know if any of this makes sense. I'm just trying to clear my head and I don't know what to do. Do I make my kids and my husband suffer because I don't love him or do I suck it up and forget about my happiness so they all can be happy. And not to say my kids would be happy with us all together because all we do is fight when we're together.
I just want to be with someone who loves me and doesn't try to diminish my self worth and tell me all I do wrong. He says I'm holding onto the past and can't forgive him but I know he hasn't changed. He doesn't even see that he needs to change.
We've both always worked. I've worked for him all these years plus held an outside job of my own. I've played a very big role in his business and when business was bad I'd get blamed for things even though it was never my fault that things were not going right. Just part of running a business. We have two children, ages 12 and 8. Things were great financially for a long time but with the economy the last 5 years, it's all been downhill. I lost my job and his business came to a brutal halt.
I've been unhappy for years, even before the birth of our second child. I remember crying myself to sleep night after night because I felt unloved and unappreciated. He was they type of man who expected me to iron his clothes, fix his plate, make his drink, etc...all while carrying on a full time job and work for him and do everything for the kids. I got little to no help from him when it came to household chores and taking care of kids. A few years ago things took a turn for the worse. He hit me in the face in front of the kids one night. He had been drinking and arguing with a friend. He always seems to argue with people. He took it out on me. That night, I lost anything I had left. I didn't want to split up our family so I went looking for some outside affection. I ended up having a short fling with my son's baseball coach. Not proud of that one. Husband found out I had something with someone. Didn't know who and didn't know how far it went. Things got wor se. We were on vacation and we had a horrible fight, again in front of the kids. I hit first. I was so frustrated at the whole thing. I'd never hit him ever before but I did and he struck back only harder and more. Broke my nose and had to spend the rest of the trip hiding two black eyes and a broken nose from our friends we were with. After we got back I told him I wanted out but he convinced me that we needed to stay until we could work out our financial problems and cleans things up for the boys. I agreed but I ended up having an emotional affair with someone for two months. My husband found out and ran the guy off and we entered into therapy. Then our problems became all about my two emotional affairs. He would take no responsibility for any of our problems. Even though I took full credit for my wrong doings. We would only argue at therapy and the therapist said he would only see us separately because we got nowhere together. I stayed in therapy for 8 month s while my husband went to 3 sessions before dropping out. He would say he was working on what they've already discussed. This summer I told him I was moving out of state to live with my parents. We put the house up for sell and the kids and I moved in with my parents while my husband as stayed back. That was the middle of August. My husband is living with a friend because he can't afford to live anywhere. I'm living with my parents until I can find a job and support me and the boys. My husbands keeps saying he wants to make this work and I don't. I'm so emotionally broken by this man I can't stand to be around him. He's come to town three times to visit the boys, usually staying with his sister. This past weekend he came in and stayed here with us. I agreed to let him and it was horrible. I can't stand to be around him and I hate that. He's broken. He has no where to go, no money to support himself and I know he hates being around the kids. I just want to fi le and move on but I'm worried about him and what he will do.
I don't even know if any of this makes sense. I'm just trying to clear my head and I don't know what to do. Do I make my kids and my husband suffer because I don't love him or do I suck it up and forget about my happiness so they all can be happy. And not to say my kids would be happy with us all together because all we do is fight when we're together.
I just want to be with someone who loves me and doesn't try to diminish my self worth and tell me all I do wrong. He says I'm holding onto the past and can't forgive him but I know he hasn't changed. He doesn't even see that he needs to change.
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