This is so hard! I'm 65 (feel 23) - and he's 74 - about to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary but just don't feel like celebrating anything.
Three years ago he starts to help a Russian woman with her English. It progresses from e-mail to Skype. At the same time he moves into a room of his own with his own television, own computer, and own e-mail address. And a closed door.
Don't think anything of it at the time. Gradually it becomes more and more calls; of longer and longer duration. Then later and later into the night - (a 4 hour time difference between here and Russia).
In the end there are 3, 4, 5 calls a day.
And eventually they actually manage to meet - he travels to Russia to give a talk on "dying cultures"...one of which we have here. All with my blessing.
She is younger. Blonde. Slim. Beautiful! A professor.
His mistake is to send an e-mail to her and address it to me by mistake. He rushes to the lounge to ask me to delete the e-mail. I say I will.
Not good enough.
"I want to SEE you delete it!"
Which I do, in his presence.
More fool him. I can READ my deleted messages. Of love.
What a fool. What a naïve fool. What an idiot..me!
So....I tell him.
No guilt. No apology. This comes days later.
"I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?"....angry voice...
"End all communication" I say.
"You don't understand....can I just....she needs me ...PLEASE!"
"You must do what you think is right"
"No! I want you to say or no"
"I'm not going to tell you what to do. You must do what you think is right".
Anger and frustration on his part.
I'm dying here. Feeling deceived. 3 years! Hurt. Embarrassed. Inadequate.
How to make him understand that this is going to take a long, long time?
Three years ago he starts to help a Russian woman with her English. It progresses from e-mail to Skype. At the same time he moves into a room of his own with his own television, own computer, and own e-mail address. And a closed door.
Don't think anything of it at the time. Gradually it becomes more and more calls; of longer and longer duration. Then later and later into the night - (a 4 hour time difference between here and Russia).
In the end there are 3, 4, 5 calls a day.
And eventually they actually manage to meet - he travels to Russia to give a talk on "dying cultures"...one of which we have here. All with my blessing.
She is younger. Blonde. Slim. Beautiful! A professor.
His mistake is to send an e-mail to her and address it to me by mistake. He rushes to the lounge to ask me to delete the e-mail. I say I will.
Not good enough.
"I want to SEE you delete it!"
Which I do, in his presence.
More fool him. I can READ my deleted messages. Of love.
What a fool. What a naïve fool. What an idiot..me!
So....I tell him.
No guilt. No apology. This comes days later.
"I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?"....angry voice...
"End all communication" I say.
"You don't understand....can I just....she needs me ...PLEASE!"
"You must do what you think is right"
"No! I want you to say or no"
"I'm not going to tell you what to do. You must do what you think is right".
Anger and frustration on his part.
I'm dying here. Feeling deceived. 3 years! Hurt. Embarrassed. Inadequate.
How to make him understand that this is going to take a long, long time?
Put the internet to work for you.
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