Hello all , I'm going to give a quick rundown of my situation.
I'm a 40 yr old man married to my 35 yr old wife. We have been together for 15 years , married for 6. We have 2 children 10 yr and a 6 yr old. We own a house together ( both names are on mortgage ) Still anther 5 years or so to pay it off . Cars are both paid for.
We have had no real financial issues during our time together , we both work and make good money. We make about the same money actually. There has been no abuse of our children or each other , we are not drinkers , no drugs. I guess we live a pretty clean lifestyle....but as it turns out it didnt' matter in the end.
My wife has complained over the years about spending time together. I will concur that I did not spend enough quality time together with her over the years...and I know now that was the beginning of where I find myself today. I am guilty of this.
8 years go we were having some issues , things didnt' seem right. She kicked me out of the bedroom and i lived in the spare room for a couple months .she had a " friend " that seemed to text her alot. I couldnt' take it anymore...so I checked her phone. After reading a few messages...I found some things that would indicate a affair. I confronted her. 2 awkward weeks later she asked me if I would prefer if she didnt' see him anymore . I agree'd and we carried on with our lives.
Fast forward to now to about 6 months ago. She confronted me one day and said she is not going to work on our relationship anymore. Once again I was kicked out of the room and now I live in the basement. Having gone through this before I suspected foul play. I went out and purchased a audio recorder and put it in her car. I caught her with another guy on a nite she was supposed to be with her girlfriend at a dinner / dance.
The man in the car confessed his love to her verbally and they kissed etc when the car parked. They left the event at 1030 pm that nite...and she came home at 215 am. ( i know the time they left because they stated it ..just by chance )
I have also caught her another nite staying at his place....when she was supposed to be at her friends ( girlfriend ) birthday hosue party.
She sleeps with her phone under her pillow now as well. I asked about this and she said shrugged it off.
We had a massive discussion about this situation 2 months ago and I asked her if she wanted me to leave , she said no....She suggested that we try again. So I agree'd....but things didnt' change.
I tried everything , made a huge dinner from scratch on our anniversary / babysitting for the kids...etc. I've spent good time with her watching our fav shows together , massaged her sore feet at the end of the day. I link up with her at the gym so we can work out together and chat. I thought I was really making a difference....but alas , I had become the outsider in the relationship.
Personallly I have enough info to confidently say there is a affair. I have a lawyers number that I am going to call in the next day or so to set up a meeting.
Honestly at this point , as hurt as I am , I do not really want to leave the house , as it would just destroy my children , especially the younger one. I think I could learn to live in the basement and be ok with it, but I am going to talk to that lawyer to make sure I know my rights.
So other than that sad story...why am I here?
I was told by a good personal friend to come here and post. Perhaps even seek out the advice from a member named Weightlifter. My friend said he might have some advice on how to get proof of the cheating....beyond my recording. Would that be benificial to me ? i don't know
also , IF and When i'm ready to confront her , what are some good things to mention or ways to talk to her.....I am affraid that I will get to emmotional and not really get accross what I need to.
I'm sorry to trouble you all with this , I know its my problem to solve.
thanks
I'm a 40 yr old man married to my 35 yr old wife. We have been together for 15 years , married for 6. We have 2 children 10 yr and a 6 yr old. We own a house together ( both names are on mortgage ) Still anther 5 years or so to pay it off . Cars are both paid for.
We have had no real financial issues during our time together , we both work and make good money. We make about the same money actually. There has been no abuse of our children or each other , we are not drinkers , no drugs. I guess we live a pretty clean lifestyle....but as it turns out it didnt' matter in the end.
My wife has complained over the years about spending time together. I will concur that I did not spend enough quality time together with her over the years...and I know now that was the beginning of where I find myself today. I am guilty of this.
8 years go we were having some issues , things didnt' seem right. She kicked me out of the bedroom and i lived in the spare room for a couple months .she had a " friend " that seemed to text her alot. I couldnt' take it anymore...so I checked her phone. After reading a few messages...I found some things that would indicate a affair. I confronted her. 2 awkward weeks later she asked me if I would prefer if she didnt' see him anymore . I agree'd and we carried on with our lives.
Fast forward to now to about 6 months ago. She confronted me one day and said she is not going to work on our relationship anymore. Once again I was kicked out of the room and now I live in the basement. Having gone through this before I suspected foul play. I went out and purchased a audio recorder and put it in her car. I caught her with another guy on a nite she was supposed to be with her girlfriend at a dinner / dance.
The man in the car confessed his love to her verbally and they kissed etc when the car parked. They left the event at 1030 pm that nite...and she came home at 215 am. ( i know the time they left because they stated it ..just by chance )
I have also caught her another nite staying at his place....when she was supposed to be at her friends ( girlfriend ) birthday hosue party.
She sleeps with her phone under her pillow now as well. I asked about this and she said shrugged it off.
We had a massive discussion about this situation 2 months ago and I asked her if she wanted me to leave , she said no....She suggested that we try again. So I agree'd....but things didnt' change.
I tried everything , made a huge dinner from scratch on our anniversary / babysitting for the kids...etc. I've spent good time with her watching our fav shows together , massaged her sore feet at the end of the day. I link up with her at the gym so we can work out together and chat. I thought I was really making a difference....but alas , I had become the outsider in the relationship.
Personallly I have enough info to confidently say there is a affair. I have a lawyers number that I am going to call in the next day or so to set up a meeting.
Honestly at this point , as hurt as I am , I do not really want to leave the house , as it would just destroy my children , especially the younger one. I think I could learn to live in the basement and be ok with it, but I am going to talk to that lawyer to make sure I know my rights.
So other than that sad story...why am I here?
I was told by a good personal friend to come here and post. Perhaps even seek out the advice from a member named Weightlifter. My friend said he might have some advice on how to get proof of the cheating....beyond my recording. Would that be benificial to me ? i don't know
also , IF and When i'm ready to confront her , what are some good things to mention or ways to talk to her.....I am affraid that I will get to emmotional and not really get accross what I need to.
I'm sorry to trouble you all with this , I know its my problem to solve.
thanks
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