| We have been married for 8 years this October and we have 2 kids together and my wife has one from a previous relationship. Our relationship has had great times and we also have had bad times as well. It works in a cycle with us. Are fights always seem to be about something stupid, meaningless things that turn it into even bigger argument. Most of our huge fights we both have been drinking a lot and we both say mean horrible things. My words typically involve me swearing and calling her names why she chooses to hurt my feelings by not calling me any swear words. After a few days of us both being hurt we make –up and things go back to normal again. The hurt feelings go away and I assumed just because we were drinking that we did not mean what we said. Apparently my wife says I have verbally abused her over the years when we have got in one of our fights. She has suggested MC in the past but after a few days everything is back to normal again and we both have promised to change what we say to each other. Well, things have never changed and as soon as another huge fight comes we both say things that hurt each other feelings over and over and over. To the point that we were both miserable and both want a divorce. Yet we still never seeked any help. An example of a previous fight: We both worked long hours she works 55+ I work about 60. She works during the day and I work afternoons. We rarely see each other. Our sex life really does not even exist which hurts my feelings because I feel that it was a strong part in our relationship in the past. Our household is complete chaos, laundry not getting down, kids acting out of control absolutely no structure. She would say she would be home around 4pm to get dinner started but does not get home until 8 on some occasions. Then the days she would be home she would be just to tired to do anything around the house. It was up to me to keep things moving get laundry going, dinner for the kids, everything. My whole family has witnessed this and realize how much effort I put in the household to make things easier for our children. She sees it differently because she is at home taking care of the kids and putting them to bed and bathing them while I work afternoons. I started feeling resentment towards her an anger that she was not pulling her weight around the house. I would come home for lunch and she would be laying on the couch, kids out control simply chaos. However, I did not express my feelings to her on how I felt. So we go out with some friends and have a few drinks and argument starts about who does what so on and so forth around the house. Ofcourse I start getting defensive because I have been building up this resentment for a few months and tell her she has been worthless piece of **** around the house for months. So after a few days she said that I'm verbally abusing her, I tried expressing to her my feelings about not getting any help around the house and I meant that I felt you have been worthless around here for months. She took has if I was calling her that as a person and telling me I justify my actions. So after a few days things are back to normal, and I assumed she was only hurt by it then. Well last week she said she wanted a divorce and that she was filing on Tuesday, I was completely shock because we have not been fighting it was out of blue. I asked her why and she stated it was because of the mean things I have said over the years and she now feels that she can not love me the way a wife should love her husband. I tried to tell her why I would say the things that I have an how I was feeling but she wanted nothing of it. I begged her for us to go to MC and work on our issues she wants nothing to do with it. So after things calm down we talked and I found out that her sister in law whom lives an hour from us offered her a job at her business from 8-4, no more crazy schedule a chance for a normal life in her eyes. Still in shocked by her wanting a divorce and me begging for us to get help she starts telling me she wants a better life for her and our kids and she can't trust me and no longer want my verbal abuse, that I have mental issues and I need medication. Just in wow by all of this I again try to explain why I called her worthless because she was not doing anything around the house and other examples of things that I have said and why. She wants nothing to do with me at this point. I owned up to the things I said and told her I had no idea that you were so hurt by words that were one taking out of context and two we had been drinking. She said I tried to tell you the days after we fought but I never took it serious because she would always come kiss me and tell me she loves me or vice versa. So as she happy or seems content with all of this I'm a complete wreck, my family is in shock I just don't know. So I decided to go see a therapist and he told me that Im not mental and that was a pretty harsh thing to say. And that I can not communicate my feelings to her and when I do it typically comes off harsh. I told her this and she gave me hug and said she loved me. The next day she is still wanting this divorce. I tried communicating again with her telling her I did not realize you hurt by these words when this is where I'm coming from. Tonight I asked her again why she did not want MC and she said the damage was done. I felt I lost her. She signed the paper work today and told me I will be getting served this week. I'm devastated I don't know how to act, I did not now she was so hurt. I sent her a message tonight telling her I'm so sorry for hurting, from the bottom of my heart Im truly sorry. I did not get any response. I'm afraid it is over the children our hurt and don't want to move. I just don't know how to cope, how to act around her I'm in so much pain. Sorry for the run-on sentence and bad grammar I just can not function by all of this it hurts so bad that she want to throw away 8 years and split up our family with out getting any help. Any insight help guidance anything I love her so much I love our family so much I don't want to loose them. Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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