My husband and I have been married for three years. Before our wedding, I specifically told him not to go to a stripclub and definately not to get a lapdance. I had gone to visit my family on the day of his bachelor party. He called me at the end of the night and said he was going home and because the metro was closed they were all hanging out in the city at a friends apartment and were going to get the 4am bus back to the area he and his friends live in. This was at 3am I think. When he came back he called again to say goodnight. I believed him when he said they went drinking and no stripclub was in the picture that night. A couple of days later i come home from my family visit where I also had my bachelorette btw and we are happy and in love etc. Next morning he is in the shower with his phone on the bedside table and his text alert rings, I happen to glance over to see who it is and wihtout me even touching the phone I see a text from his friend saying "i promise dude I didnt say anything?". naturally this is suspicious so I open the text and see it and he had written to this friend saying "hey did you say anything to your gf as my wife (ME) has been asking me a lot of questions about the pics you posted". I AM SO PISSED OFF. ALL MY NIGHTMARES COMING TRUE. I let him go to work and email him about how I know what he did in his bachelor party and he better tell me everything etc. So he comes home and admits he went to a stripclub and that he is sorry but I was too selfish and acting like a child when I asked him not to go and didnt listen to what he wanted or come to a compromise! He said he is sorry and all he wanted was a one last night of being with the boys and having a traditional bachelor party and that it is his right to do so! He said initially he had told all his friend NO STRIPCLUB and the plan wasnt to go but after they hit the bars and there were no girls at all, the boys started complaining that it is boring an d not a bachelpr party without girls and edged him on to go to a stripclub which is btw across the street! Anyways he swore he did not get a lapdance. I was furious and crying and we had huge fights. What really annoys me is he WAS NOT TRUTHFUL from the start on what he did. He acted like I was the controlling one by saying hey im sorry but it waaass my Bachelor party and what did i do that was soo wrong type of attitude! i just didnt feel like he was really sorry for hurting me. AND HE LIED ABOUT THE LAPDANCE. He was using such sentences as "I will not be bullied into admitting anything I didn't do" "You need to trust me" etc?!! But he DID INFACT LIE AND I BULLIED HIM INTO CONFESSING SOMETHING HE DID DO! After weeks of pestering and pestering and nagging him about the bachelor party, he finally admitted in a fit of anger, OK YES I DID get a lapdance...Are you happy now?.. No one tells their spouse everything that happened in a bachelor party. I just thought I would do it on ce as I am the groom and bachelor then never go again! i didnt know how much it would hurt your feelings.." Well then why did we have an agreement that you wouldnt do it? Hello?Right? Am I crazy? Anyways, I was sooooooooo broken after that. That he lied to me twice.
Long story short, we went into counseling and I still have trust issues. From acting a little righteous and like it wasnt big deal he has admitted fully to his mistake that he lied to me and wont do it again. He has promised to never go to a stipclub. BUT the initially lack of truth and me having to find out bits and pieves has really broken me. I feel like if he loved me then when I was crying on his shoulders and telling him not to go to stripclubs and getlapdances he would have not gone as he promised me and said he wouldnt go and said trust me. All the things he is saying now seem to be the same promises and trust me attitude. So how can I trust him? He says I am sorry, I lied and made a huge mistake but you need to trust me. But how can I if he is so good at lying right? If he had just admitted to everything he did wrong from the first go and seemed apologetic I would have been able to heal but he lied twice to me and kept saying things like "I wont be bullied into confe ssing etc" like a player. How can you trust someone like that.
So this happened a long time ago like 2yrs ago. He hasnt done anything before or after to make me think he will cheat on me. Its not about cheating but it is about trusting him. He lied to me, several times and he wasnt initially very apologetic about it. Now everytime he goes out with his friends I doubt if he is lying and doing things HE SEEMS ARE HARMLESS THAT IS A BIG DEAL TO ME. LIKE light flirting with girls, or last time he went to a friends bachelpr party I made him promise not to go to stripclub which he didnt go to and came home a day early just for me. But then I wonder if he really didnt go or he just said he didnt and went anyway.
How can i TRUST him? I know I should and he is worth it. BUT THERE IS A SMALL PART OF ME THAT KEEPS DOUBTING HIM. CAN I get a lie detector test? I wish I could so I can be free.
Also FYI: Regarding the Bachelor party that he went to was in Vegas a friend of his was so shocked when he said I canot go to stripclub because of my wife that when he met me he said to my face how crazy I was in a joking way! I was so shocked that his friend would disrespect me infront of him like that. I mean even if the friend was shocked and his wife andhim dont care about stripclubs how rude to come to me and say hey you dont let your man go to stripclubs how crazy controlling are you to my face right? My husband said he was joking only and didnt think anything of it! Now I am thinking maybe the friend said that to me to try to prove that they didnt go that night in Vegas when in fact they did go and he was trying to make my husband look good by saying hey your husband didnt go when we told him to and we were all shocked! I mean he even said to me in those words 'we were like common dude lets just go she isnt here why are you scared? He was acting like you had spies ther e!" I mean who says that, he even said it in front of his wife! ?? I asked my husband what they were even edging you to do that night as he had told me the stripclub was the next night and he told me well the guys were thinking of going to stripclub the first night and I said no but they were all shocked. I didnt tell you this because I didnt want to make you feel upset. I mean why does he even lie to e anymore, he told the guys were planning on going the next night and the first night was just to the club and dinner (and thats why he was leaving the next night while they were styaing one extra night)..hmm so I just doubt everything now. Why does he lie.
Anyways major trust issues here. My husband says i AM ABUSIVE because i CANNOT let it go. I think about all the stuff he might have done that he didnt tell me in his bachelpr night or in vegas that night and I go crazy. Should i trust him? Am I abusive towards him because I do not trust him? How can I if he lied multiple times until I forced it out of him. And what really bothers me is that he is such a good liar....:(
Long story short, we went into counseling and I still have trust issues. From acting a little righteous and like it wasnt big deal he has admitted fully to his mistake that he lied to me and wont do it again. He has promised to never go to a stipclub. BUT the initially lack of truth and me having to find out bits and pieves has really broken me. I feel like if he loved me then when I was crying on his shoulders and telling him not to go to stripclubs and getlapdances he would have not gone as he promised me and said he wouldnt go and said trust me. All the things he is saying now seem to be the same promises and trust me attitude. So how can I trust him? He says I am sorry, I lied and made a huge mistake but you need to trust me. But how can I if he is so good at lying right? If he had just admitted to everything he did wrong from the first go and seemed apologetic I would have been able to heal but he lied twice to me and kept saying things like "I wont be bullied into confe ssing etc" like a player. How can you trust someone like that.
So this happened a long time ago like 2yrs ago. He hasnt done anything before or after to make me think he will cheat on me. Its not about cheating but it is about trusting him. He lied to me, several times and he wasnt initially very apologetic about it. Now everytime he goes out with his friends I doubt if he is lying and doing things HE SEEMS ARE HARMLESS THAT IS A BIG DEAL TO ME. LIKE light flirting with girls, or last time he went to a friends bachelpr party I made him promise not to go to stripclub which he didnt go to and came home a day early just for me. But then I wonder if he really didnt go or he just said he didnt and went anyway.
How can i TRUST him? I know I should and he is worth it. BUT THERE IS A SMALL PART OF ME THAT KEEPS DOUBTING HIM. CAN I get a lie detector test? I wish I could so I can be free.
Also FYI: Regarding the Bachelor party that he went to was in Vegas a friend of his was so shocked when he said I canot go to stripclub because of my wife that when he met me he said to my face how crazy I was in a joking way! I was so shocked that his friend would disrespect me infront of him like that. I mean even if the friend was shocked and his wife andhim dont care about stripclubs how rude to come to me and say hey you dont let your man go to stripclubs how crazy controlling are you to my face right? My husband said he was joking only and didnt think anything of it! Now I am thinking maybe the friend said that to me to try to prove that they didnt go that night in Vegas when in fact they did go and he was trying to make my husband look good by saying hey your husband didnt go when we told him to and we were all shocked! I mean he even said to me in those words 'we were like common dude lets just go she isnt here why are you scared? He was acting like you had spies ther e!" I mean who says that, he even said it in front of his wife! ?? I asked my husband what they were even edging you to do that night as he had told me the stripclub was the next night and he told me well the guys were thinking of going to stripclub the first night and I said no but they were all shocked. I didnt tell you this because I didnt want to make you feel upset. I mean why does he even lie to e anymore, he told the guys were planning on going the next night and the first night was just to the club and dinner (and thats why he was leaving the next night while they were styaing one extra night)..hmm so I just doubt everything now. Why does he lie.
Anyways major trust issues here. My husband says i AM ABUSIVE because i CANNOT let it go. I think about all the stuff he might have done that he didnt tell me in his bachelpr night or in vegas that night and I go crazy. Should i trust him? Am I abusive towards him because I do not trust him? How can I if he lied multiple times until I forced it out of him. And what really bothers me is that he is such a good liar....:(
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