I'm not married (anymore) - can I even post this here? Please move if not appropriate.
I've been seeing this woman for a couple months. We've had sex 7 times. Things seem to slowly be getting better...but she is very self conscious and inhibited, to the point she'll stop herself from having an orgasm. She'll get there, and then stop and say 'this is bad..." and apologize for cumming too soon. "But we just started, we should focus on you" she'll say. I'll say "no no, what does it for me is YOU cumming...I only get to do it once, you can have as many as you want - go crazy!!". Other times she will be getting right into it, about to cum, then say "this is so intense" or "you feel so intense"..."maybe too intense" and stop herself. This of course causes me to lose my groove and sometimes wood.
She's admitted she's very self conscious about her body (feels she's overweight, which she is not) and that that is holding her back. She also told me I feel "very large" and sometimes it's too much - so I go very slow and let her control the pace/depth...eventually she gets into it and gets used to it. But I hold back as I don't want to hurt her or be "too intense". She continually stops her enjoyment and tells me "let's make this about you", like she feels guilty for cumming too soon/too often. And keeps asking me "what do YOU like? Tell me what feels good...". I keep telling her what feels good is what we're doing, and what gets me off is when SHE cums.
Finally the other night I really hit that point home - "look, what turns me on more than anything is you climaxing. Once I do, it's over, and I don't want it to end that quickly. I enjoy the journey, and making you go crazy". Finally, she came twice the other night (didn't stop herself this time) and then we came together. Big step!!
But she's still holds back. I asked her if letting herself go and surrendering to the pleasure made her feel too vulnerable and exposed, she said yes. So now I just stare into her eyes, and tell her "just let go". The last time she kept saying "this feels soooo good" and it was very intense for both of us. She's very independent and a bit freaked out because she is developing feelings for me. She told me "I'm never this shy or passive - but with you it's different - I feel so shy". She also always puts a shirt on when it's light and we're in bed - doesn't want me to see her top naked.
I'm very open and we talk a lot about it - and it IS getting better - major breakthrough the other night. But I'm used to wild, passionate love making where the goal is for the woman to cum as much as possible. So, maybe just more time/practice/talking.
But meantime, I wanted to ask for advice/insight as to what may be going on (or do I already know - and explained it all above)? Anything I might be overlooking? Ways to get her to open up and let go? I really like this girl, and it's more than what I've had with other women since my divorce - the sex with the others was way more uninhibited, but also my feelings weren't as intense as with her. So, it's confusing.