Hello everyone - I have finally signed up so I can post! I've always been quite shy on the internet and have no idea why...
But anyway, I am finding myself in a spot in my marriage where I truly need some experienced insight from others.
My husband works a lot - 8am to 9pm six days a week. Often it's later than 10pm, he's a car salesman so sometimes has a sale that late.... I have talked with him in the past about the importance of at least having ONE evening a week when he finishes at 5 or 6pm so we can sit down and have dinner together.
(Yes, we do have Sundays, where he sleeps to 12pm then naps most of the afternoon and is incredibly grumpy all day. I feel like a pain in the a*s just asking him if he wants to go out).
Anyway, the times I've brought it up before, he did change. For one week. Then, back to normal. And it's always 'I don't have a choice' - which he does - no one else at his dealership works that amount of hours.
It's not the days that worry me - I own my own business and work all day too, so am quite happy to have him work 6 days a week. But 6 nights? It is too much and I really feel lonely and low on the priority list.
Yes - I earn my own money through my business. We don't struggle to pay bills, and he is a good salesman so earns a lot more than we need.
A little background - we moved to a new city one year ago where we know no one for his job. Just a few months before that I had moved from my home country to be with him, so knew no one in the entire country apart from him! I've since realized this is a lot harder to do than I ever thought it would be.... duh!
I am making friends here and see them at least once a week. Obviously they aren't old, dear friends yet but I realize it takes time and effort. I work out, look after our little pug, and work hard on my business. I take care of all the cleaning etc.
He texts all through the day about how his day is going, which I like. But all he seems to be able to talk about is his work or money. And his ENTIRE mood is dependent on how his day or week went. It is like a rollercoaster.
I am really feeling lonely in my marriage. I am feeling frustrated. I keep feeling like it will get better but I'm starting to realize that it just may not.
How can I get my husband to understand the importance of just ONE night together a week? That it's not true that 'all he has to do is work' (his words). That actually it's important to work on the other areas of your life?
My idea is to speak to him one more time about it - let him know my feelings and ask for the one night. Then leave it at that. Hopefully it sticks. And either way, continue to build my own life here, which I know from previous experience is something that soooo important.
But what to do if he just goes back to the old patterns again? I am confused. He makes me feel guilty any time I bring it up. He acts like I don't understand how stressful his job is, and if I ever say I'm stressed over something myself he asks in a condescending way 'what do you have to be stressed about?'
This is a rather long post, I apologize, but just writing it out in a forum IS therapeutic!
But anyway, I am finding myself in a spot in my marriage where I truly need some experienced insight from others.
My husband works a lot - 8am to 9pm six days a week. Often it's later than 10pm, he's a car salesman so sometimes has a sale that late.... I have talked with him in the past about the importance of at least having ONE evening a week when he finishes at 5 or 6pm so we can sit down and have dinner together.
(Yes, we do have Sundays, where he sleeps to 12pm then naps most of the afternoon and is incredibly grumpy all day. I feel like a pain in the a*s just asking him if he wants to go out).
Anyway, the times I've brought it up before, he did change. For one week. Then, back to normal. And it's always 'I don't have a choice' - which he does - no one else at his dealership works that amount of hours.
It's not the days that worry me - I own my own business and work all day too, so am quite happy to have him work 6 days a week. But 6 nights? It is too much and I really feel lonely and low on the priority list.
Yes - I earn my own money through my business. We don't struggle to pay bills, and he is a good salesman so earns a lot more than we need.
A little background - we moved to a new city one year ago where we know no one for his job. Just a few months before that I had moved from my home country to be with him, so knew no one in the entire country apart from him! I've since realized this is a lot harder to do than I ever thought it would be.... duh!
I am making friends here and see them at least once a week. Obviously they aren't old, dear friends yet but I realize it takes time and effort. I work out, look after our little pug, and work hard on my business. I take care of all the cleaning etc.
He texts all through the day about how his day is going, which I like. But all he seems to be able to talk about is his work or money. And his ENTIRE mood is dependent on how his day or week went. It is like a rollercoaster.
I am really feeling lonely in my marriage. I am feeling frustrated. I keep feeling like it will get better but I'm starting to realize that it just may not.
How can I get my husband to understand the importance of just ONE night together a week? That it's not true that 'all he has to do is work' (his words). That actually it's important to work on the other areas of your life?
My idea is to speak to him one more time about it - let him know my feelings and ask for the one night. Then leave it at that. Hopefully it sticks. And either way, continue to build my own life here, which I know from previous experience is something that soooo important.
But what to do if he just goes back to the old patterns again? I am confused. He makes me feel guilty any time I bring it up. He acts like I don't understand how stressful his job is, and if I ever say I'm stressed over something myself he asks in a condescending way 'what do you have to be stressed about?'
This is a rather long post, I apologize, but just writing it out in a forum IS therapeutic!
Put the internet to work for you.
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