Hello,
Last time I was on TAM was when I posted an update a little over two years ago.
And... I'm back. Not by my choice - but because I am now constantly seeing red flags everywhere and I'm wondering if it's ever possible for me to be 100% reconciled with self or at least close to it?
Last summer, my DH accepted a job offer in Texas. He had wanted me to stay and continue to work while he got situated in the new place. I said, "Hell no!" and gave my work a notice that I was leaving because I wanted a start with DH and to be able to truly be alone with him. A month later, we moved and we've been here since.
A few months ago he quit his job for an another job offer that was just about 10 minutes further than we are now.
Here's the interesting thing... Whenever he needed something, he would use my phone, I was fine with it.
So when I picked up his phone while we were on the way to a place so I could check something on the internet (due to my phone being dead) a huge flag went up in my mind when he got angry with me and lectured me for not trusting him 100%.
It happened last September, I decided to investigate just a little further. I found out that when we were being intimate and doing other things instead of PIV, he would look at p0rn sites on his fvcking phone. I asked him to put his phone away during. He did that but unfortunately has started again when he changed jobs recently.
I also started checking his emails once in a while to make sure there weren't anything going on along with his messages.
Nothing. His texts to the roommate is still even and measured. So, there's no longer things happening with her since we are out of state and she's planning on moving to another apartment so we can sell the house (thank god).
He has also started playing online poker sites and refuses to do things with me if he has a game. The kicker? Several of his current co-workers are playing with him, including a lady co-worker that is ALWAYS in the same online poker tournaments as he is. She also went to a workshop that I had registered for that my husband & I were going to. She kept passing written notes to him and when I would try to glance over, he would be sitting there with HER notes folded. I called him on it and he said that it was work-confidential.
Fine. I can deal with that but not his actions. That was a couple of weeks ago. I also found out that she has a boyfriend so that was yet another red flag going up for me because he was the one who told me all that information that should have not been shared in a professional setting.
I began doing a 180 because I couldn't handle it all emotionally (the phone, the job changes, etc.) so I began attending a gym and getting things in order for myself.
I started going out more and just doing things for myself such as going to a bookstore & crafts store so I could do my hobbies. At first, DH was happy that I was finally going out and doing things. Now, he gets upset when I mention that I will be doing X, Y, Z and he asks me to wait on doing X, Y, Z so he can go with me. That also included the gym. He also lectures me for not having a job yet yet he wants me to do more than what I was doing before & not just being a SAHW.
So, how do I do all this while not having a fvcking voice in my head murmuring about EAs? Do I even EVER get over the one from two years ago?
Yet, I can't help but feel like there's something more to this. I still can't even get over the p0rn sites that I saw on his phone history and that was last September!
I have no support system *at all* here in Texas. I haven't spoken to my sisters in over a month. My mother is entering her own midlife crisis, dressing younger and going out to concerts with my twin who is also living on their money (including my pregnant older sister who is married yet staying with parents while husband is living on base in the neighboring state). The only person that's sane and that's my dad and he just had a double bypass two months ago.
Am I finally going nutters?
Can I even have close to 100% trust again?
:confused:
I am so sorry if this post sounded disjointed. I can't even type it all out coherently and constantly am wondering if I am going nutters or if all the progress that was made in the last two or three years were just things that my husband felt like it was his duty to do?
Last time I was on TAM was when I posted an update a little over two years ago.
And... I'm back. Not by my choice - but because I am now constantly seeing red flags everywhere and I'm wondering if it's ever possible for me to be 100% reconciled with self or at least close to it?
Last summer, my DH accepted a job offer in Texas. He had wanted me to stay and continue to work while he got situated in the new place. I said, "Hell no!" and gave my work a notice that I was leaving because I wanted a start with DH and to be able to truly be alone with him. A month later, we moved and we've been here since.
A few months ago he quit his job for an another job offer that was just about 10 minutes further than we are now.
Here's the interesting thing... Whenever he needed something, he would use my phone, I was fine with it.
So when I picked up his phone while we were on the way to a place so I could check something on the internet (due to my phone being dead) a huge flag went up in my mind when he got angry with me and lectured me for not trusting him 100%.
It happened last September, I decided to investigate just a little further. I found out that when we were being intimate and doing other things instead of PIV, he would look at p0rn sites on his fvcking phone. I asked him to put his phone away during. He did that but unfortunately has started again when he changed jobs recently.
I also started checking his emails once in a while to make sure there weren't anything going on along with his messages.
Nothing. His texts to the roommate is still even and measured. So, there's no longer things happening with her since we are out of state and she's planning on moving to another apartment so we can sell the house (thank god).
He has also started playing online poker sites and refuses to do things with me if he has a game. The kicker? Several of his current co-workers are playing with him, including a lady co-worker that is ALWAYS in the same online poker tournaments as he is. She also went to a workshop that I had registered for that my husband & I were going to. She kept passing written notes to him and when I would try to glance over, he would be sitting there with HER notes folded. I called him on it and he said that it was work-confidential.
Fine. I can deal with that but not his actions. That was a couple of weeks ago. I also found out that she has a boyfriend so that was yet another red flag going up for me because he was the one who told me all that information that should have not been shared in a professional setting.
I began doing a 180 because I couldn't handle it all emotionally (the phone, the job changes, etc.) so I began attending a gym and getting things in order for myself.
I started going out more and just doing things for myself such as going to a bookstore & crafts store so I could do my hobbies. At first, DH was happy that I was finally going out and doing things. Now, he gets upset when I mention that I will be doing X, Y, Z and he asks me to wait on doing X, Y, Z so he can go with me. That also included the gym. He also lectures me for not having a job yet yet he wants me to do more than what I was doing before & not just being a SAHW.
So, how do I do all this while not having a fvcking voice in my head murmuring about EAs? Do I even EVER get over the one from two years ago?
Yet, I can't help but feel like there's something more to this. I still can't even get over the p0rn sites that I saw on his phone history and that was last September!
I have no support system *at all* here in Texas. I haven't spoken to my sisters in over a month. My mother is entering her own midlife crisis, dressing younger and going out to concerts with my twin who is also living on their money (including my pregnant older sister who is married yet staying with parents while husband is living on base in the neighboring state). The only person that's sane and that's my dad and he just had a double bypass two months ago.
Am I finally going nutters?
Can I even have close to 100% trust again?
:confused:
I am so sorry if this post sounded disjointed. I can't even type it all out coherently and constantly am wondering if I am going nutters or if all the progress that was made in the last two or three years were just things that my husband felt like it was his duty to do?
Put the internet to work for you.
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