Hi there,
Im looking for abit of advice ... i think. im not sure really just needed to get this all out there as dont really have anyone to discuss it with. I appologise in advance for the looooong post.
Im 30 years old and have been married 4 years.
for awhile now things havent been great in my marriage, OH spent alot of time in pubs playing darts and then pool, nearly every night of the week there was some competition on where i was expected to drive him and his mates to, wait around and then drive them back home as he "cant play sober" I guess this is where the resentment starts. If i said no then i would get the silent treatment or he'd go in the huff and i'd end up taking him anyway.
I started to play too just so that i would have something to do and that i could spend time with him but he would usually be walking about chatting to friends and i would get ignored until it was time to go. to the point that a stranger asked me who the barmaids new boyfriend was!!!! they didnt belive me when i told them that was my husband.
Anyway about a year ago he stopped playing as he was working far away and wouldnt be home in time for the matches and i thought things would get better. Our sex life since moving into our own home has been nearly non existant - mostly my fault as after working FT, ferrying him about, cleaning, cooking, paying for everything, and washing etc i wasnt exactly in the best of moods, and when i was, he was usually out or asleep on the sofa. sex maybe happened once a month at best.. sometimes 3-4 months without any. Im a pretty shy person and never really feel comfortable initiating anything, the times ive tried, he's the one who hasnt been in the mood, and when he tries i feel abit like.. so you say jump so i should... yeah right!
Then one weekend i was on the ipad (which is sinc'd to his iphone) and some messages and pictures appeared (he was at work and "cold and needed warming up" thing was these messages were not to me but another women who worked occasionally at the pub. they were arranging to meet up the following day and the following week as hubby had some holidays to use up. From the messages i dont think anything had physically happened yet as it just didnt read like it had. OH swears thats the only time he messaged her or even spoken to her but it just doesnt stack up as im not sure about other people but if someone ive never spoken to sent me a message saying "boo, im at work and cold" i wouldnt instantly send them a nude pic asking when we could meet up! but maybe thats just me.
His excuse was he wasnt getting his marital rights! my excuse was with everything i do around the house etc i felt like his bleeding mother!
that was almost a year ago and i agreed to give things a try, things picked up, the sex was more regular but things have been slipping again, to the point its been 3 weeks and im just not even slightly interested. im back to doing everything around the house aswell as working Ft and hes always at the golf course! which i pay for too!
alitle petty but despite him getting large xmas/bday/anniversary presents etc i get a card if im lucky and he earns 50% more than me so its not like he doesnt have the money. for my 30th i ended up buying my own present and had to coerce him into coming with me to pick it up.
The 3 weeks hes started acting alittle weird, saying hes not playing golf at the weekend and then on the day deciding they have a comp and he will play, but when i check the clubs website theres nothing listed. his phone is glued to his side and when i do get a chance for a peek its all wiped clean, no messages, no emails (now he NEVER deletes emails or messages, he usually has 200+ sitting in the inbox) because the ipad was linked i can see his contacts and there has been a few new entrys under the name "..." & "pups" Also yesterday somemail arrived for him, not suspicious, it was his credit card bill i think. 2 letters. when i went to tidy up and put the envelopes in the bin (as i said he leaves everything at his arse) there was 2 envelopes but only one letter... i cant find the statement anywhere, and i have no idea why he would move it, even if its really important it would sit there for months until i moved it myself.
I checked this morning and he has changed his passwords on his credit cards so i cant look at the statements.
Not sure what to do, or what im expecting anyone to say..... i know myself im thinking about a divorce, but all his debt is in my name and i cant afford to pay it all myself. i know my parents would help but i cant ask them for that much each month to pay the bills. Also i dont want to do something without any proof, what if im just being paranoid.. am i???
Im looking for abit of advice ... i think. im not sure really just needed to get this all out there as dont really have anyone to discuss it with. I appologise in advance for the looooong post.
Im 30 years old and have been married 4 years.
for awhile now things havent been great in my marriage, OH spent alot of time in pubs playing darts and then pool, nearly every night of the week there was some competition on where i was expected to drive him and his mates to, wait around and then drive them back home as he "cant play sober" I guess this is where the resentment starts. If i said no then i would get the silent treatment or he'd go in the huff and i'd end up taking him anyway.
I started to play too just so that i would have something to do and that i could spend time with him but he would usually be walking about chatting to friends and i would get ignored until it was time to go. to the point that a stranger asked me who the barmaids new boyfriend was!!!! they didnt belive me when i told them that was my husband.
Anyway about a year ago he stopped playing as he was working far away and wouldnt be home in time for the matches and i thought things would get better. Our sex life since moving into our own home has been nearly non existant - mostly my fault as after working FT, ferrying him about, cleaning, cooking, paying for everything, and washing etc i wasnt exactly in the best of moods, and when i was, he was usually out or asleep on the sofa. sex maybe happened once a month at best.. sometimes 3-4 months without any. Im a pretty shy person and never really feel comfortable initiating anything, the times ive tried, he's the one who hasnt been in the mood, and when he tries i feel abit like.. so you say jump so i should... yeah right!
Then one weekend i was on the ipad (which is sinc'd to his iphone) and some messages and pictures appeared (he was at work and "cold and needed warming up" thing was these messages were not to me but another women who worked occasionally at the pub. they were arranging to meet up the following day and the following week as hubby had some holidays to use up. From the messages i dont think anything had physically happened yet as it just didnt read like it had. OH swears thats the only time he messaged her or even spoken to her but it just doesnt stack up as im not sure about other people but if someone ive never spoken to sent me a message saying "boo, im at work and cold" i wouldnt instantly send them a nude pic asking when we could meet up! but maybe thats just me.
His excuse was he wasnt getting his marital rights! my excuse was with everything i do around the house etc i felt like his bleeding mother!
that was almost a year ago and i agreed to give things a try, things picked up, the sex was more regular but things have been slipping again, to the point its been 3 weeks and im just not even slightly interested. im back to doing everything around the house aswell as working Ft and hes always at the golf course! which i pay for too!
alitle petty but despite him getting large xmas/bday/anniversary presents etc i get a card if im lucky and he earns 50% more than me so its not like he doesnt have the money. for my 30th i ended up buying my own present and had to coerce him into coming with me to pick it up.
The 3 weeks hes started acting alittle weird, saying hes not playing golf at the weekend and then on the day deciding they have a comp and he will play, but when i check the clubs website theres nothing listed. his phone is glued to his side and when i do get a chance for a peek its all wiped clean, no messages, no emails (now he NEVER deletes emails or messages, he usually has 200+ sitting in the inbox) because the ipad was linked i can see his contacts and there has been a few new entrys under the name "..." & "pups" Also yesterday somemail arrived for him, not suspicious, it was his credit card bill i think. 2 letters. when i went to tidy up and put the envelopes in the bin (as i said he leaves everything at his arse) there was 2 envelopes but only one letter... i cant find the statement anywhere, and i have no idea why he would move it, even if its really important it would sit there for months until i moved it myself.
I checked this morning and he has changed his passwords on his credit cards so i cant look at the statements.
Not sure what to do, or what im expecting anyone to say..... i know myself im thinking about a divorce, but all his debt is in my name and i cant afford to pay it all myself. i know my parents would help but i cant ask them for that much each month to pay the bills. Also i dont want to do something without any proof, what if im just being paranoid.. am i???
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