Background....my wife and I've been married for going on 16 years, we have 2 kids, 12 and 9 y.o.'s. Like anybody, we've had ups and downs. We separated once around 8 years ago, was separated for over a year, but we didn't want our kids growing up in split family, so, made it work. For the longest time, things were really good, and, for the most part, still are.
A couple weeks ago my son tells me that "mom's going on a cruise, but he wasn't suppose to tell me". I didn't say anything to her and thought I'd wait to see how long it took her to tell me. Two evenings ago, she lets it out. She's wanting to go on a 7 day cruise with her sister and sister-in-law (all nurses) where they get continuing ed credits for 2 days worth of classes and then vacation the rest of the time.
I'm immediately pissed for multiple reasons. I feel as though she hasn't been truthful at all. She held out and didn't come to me in the beginning and tell me she was thinking about doing this. She told me the trip was "only $800", but the more I've looked into it, the CE's are $800, the cruise is a separate cost, there's airfare to get there, there's eats and drinks which won't be cheap. She's looking at probably $2K to do this and is putting it up to me that it's "only $800". It's not like the $2K is going to break the bank, but I feel as though WE ALL could use that money to something together. Actually haven't talked to her about how much it's going to cost yet, she believes I still think it's going to be $800.
She says her brother and brother in law doesn't mind if their wives go. Their kids are grown and on their own. We have 2 kids still in elementary/middle school. Huge difference. I asked her if they'd have gone when their kids were this age. No answer.
She tells me that I'm always doing things with my friends so she should be able to go. Biggest thing I do is one weekend a year, I do a 4 day camping trip within 45 mins of our house with a group of guys, all but two of which I see that one time of year, and the other two I may see 4 to 5 times a year (not that it matters). How is that the same?
I also have season football tickets and try to go to every game, but have missed 2 or 3 per season over the past 3 or 4 years because of coaching my son's football team. I have 2 tickets and take my son when he wants to go, but he hasn't been to one this year and didn't go to any last year. Otherwise, I always ask her next and she goes to some but probably less than half, and, I take a friend when one of them doesn't go. She threw that in my face, saying that also somehow warranted her being able to go since I go to the games and take friends.
She said she does so much with the kids, almost implying I don't, so she deserved a break and it'd be great to be able to get her CE's while doing it. Told her she shoulda thought about that prior to deciding to have kids.
I'm pretty pissed over this and let it get out of control last night and said some nasty things. I told her I wasn't telling her she could or couldn't go, she needed to make that decision. I told her, though, that if I was as pissed come time she leaves as I am now, that I'd be leaving when she returned. Told her that I hoped she enjoyed her 7 day cruise because it just cost her the rest of her life's marriage. Do I mean that? I'm still pretty upset (it's 3 a.m., can't sleep, sick from nerves, I think), so probably can't rationally answer, but right now, yeah, I mean it. I also said that when she signed the registration that I'd also have a court document for her to sign.
I have several friends and I do hang out with them a bit too often at times, watching football, doing whatever. She, on the other hand, doesn't do a lot with her friends, but when she says she's going to do whatever (out to eat, go visit), "sure, honey, no problem, have fun." is my response.
A year and a half ago, her and her sister and one of her friends went to NOLa for a week. I didn't like it, but didn't say anything, let her go. And now, this. I get she like doing things with her sister, but I feel this is something she needs to be doing with me AND the kids at this point in our lives. She doesn't get it.
After talking last night and she went to bed, it hit me, wonder if they've already made reservations and registered for CE courses. If she has, without getting my okay on everything first, I'm going to be on an entire new level of pissed.
Am I right? Am I wrong? Women, would you even ask your husband something like this given the same situation with 2 school age children? Guys, what would you do?
I did tell her that if the kids were grown, I wouldn't care, but I feel like she's being selfish and robbing us from what could be a great vacation for us all later on when the kids are out of school.
A couple weeks ago my son tells me that "mom's going on a cruise, but he wasn't suppose to tell me". I didn't say anything to her and thought I'd wait to see how long it took her to tell me. Two evenings ago, she lets it out. She's wanting to go on a 7 day cruise with her sister and sister-in-law (all nurses) where they get continuing ed credits for 2 days worth of classes and then vacation the rest of the time.
I'm immediately pissed for multiple reasons. I feel as though she hasn't been truthful at all. She held out and didn't come to me in the beginning and tell me she was thinking about doing this. She told me the trip was "only $800", but the more I've looked into it, the CE's are $800, the cruise is a separate cost, there's airfare to get there, there's eats and drinks which won't be cheap. She's looking at probably $2K to do this and is putting it up to me that it's "only $800". It's not like the $2K is going to break the bank, but I feel as though WE ALL could use that money to something together. Actually haven't talked to her about how much it's going to cost yet, she believes I still think it's going to be $800.
She says her brother and brother in law doesn't mind if their wives go. Their kids are grown and on their own. We have 2 kids still in elementary/middle school. Huge difference. I asked her if they'd have gone when their kids were this age. No answer.
She tells me that I'm always doing things with my friends so she should be able to go. Biggest thing I do is one weekend a year, I do a 4 day camping trip within 45 mins of our house with a group of guys, all but two of which I see that one time of year, and the other two I may see 4 to 5 times a year (not that it matters). How is that the same?
I also have season football tickets and try to go to every game, but have missed 2 or 3 per season over the past 3 or 4 years because of coaching my son's football team. I have 2 tickets and take my son when he wants to go, but he hasn't been to one this year and didn't go to any last year. Otherwise, I always ask her next and she goes to some but probably less than half, and, I take a friend when one of them doesn't go. She threw that in my face, saying that also somehow warranted her being able to go since I go to the games and take friends.
She said she does so much with the kids, almost implying I don't, so she deserved a break and it'd be great to be able to get her CE's while doing it. Told her she shoulda thought about that prior to deciding to have kids.
I'm pretty pissed over this and let it get out of control last night and said some nasty things. I told her I wasn't telling her she could or couldn't go, she needed to make that decision. I told her, though, that if I was as pissed come time she leaves as I am now, that I'd be leaving when she returned. Told her that I hoped she enjoyed her 7 day cruise because it just cost her the rest of her life's marriage. Do I mean that? I'm still pretty upset (it's 3 a.m., can't sleep, sick from nerves, I think), so probably can't rationally answer, but right now, yeah, I mean it. I also said that when she signed the registration that I'd also have a court document for her to sign.
I have several friends and I do hang out with them a bit too often at times, watching football, doing whatever. She, on the other hand, doesn't do a lot with her friends, but when she says she's going to do whatever (out to eat, go visit), "sure, honey, no problem, have fun." is my response.
A year and a half ago, her and her sister and one of her friends went to NOLa for a week. I didn't like it, but didn't say anything, let her go. And now, this. I get she like doing things with her sister, but I feel this is something she needs to be doing with me AND the kids at this point in our lives. She doesn't get it.
After talking last night and she went to bed, it hit me, wonder if they've already made reservations and registered for CE courses. If she has, without getting my okay on everything first, I'm going to be on an entire new level of pissed.
Am I right? Am I wrong? Women, would you even ask your husband something like this given the same situation with 2 school age children? Guys, what would you do?
I did tell her that if the kids were grown, I wouldn't care, but I feel like she's being selfish and robbing us from what could be a great vacation for us all later on when the kids are out of school.
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