Hello - Recently celebrated our 5 month anniversary. She's 8 years younger than me. She's beautiful inside and out, drama free. She's already met the family and I've met most of hers. She lives at home so I see the family sometimes but most of the time she's over my place.
She disclosed to me she was seeing a therapist and taking meds for depression before meeting me and now she doesn't have to go anymore because she's happy and has made me feel I'm the reason to make her happy and smile.
We made ourselves facebook official couple months ago but haven't had a physical discussion about exclusivity nor have we said the "L" word yet, but it's in the air.
She went away for a prior planned trip to Vegas for a weekend with her girls so I was home alone for the weekend. She was posting up sexy pics on Instagram at pool parties and clubs but we texted regularly.
Meanwhile, someone I dated couple years ago randomly got in touch that she'd be in town with some friends. We hooked up 1 time back then. Mind you, this person soon hurt my feelings by getting into a relationship with someone else while we were dating and talking for a bit. I wrote her off and should've just deleted her social media accounts. I guess she kept tabs, stalked on me thru social media and saw I was in a happy relationship recently and I guess got jealous? So, being the platonic person I was with nothing going on for the evening met up for couple drinks with her and some friends. Something happened that caused some argument between her and her friends later that niught, had no idea what that was about, was minding by own business texting the gf at the time. Was getting ready to leave to go to bed and she asked to crash on my couch!
With impaired judgement I said okay sure whatever. We got to my apartment and she started to say how bad she felt about hurting me, asking about my girlfriend and I later remember she ended up using my girlfriends hairbrush sitting in my bathroom! Like attempting to leave hints that she was there? I didn't know what to say to any of that, was just an awkward conversation and situation.
Not sure what led up to it, but she wound up in my bed because she felt cold on the couch and we ended up engaging in a hookup session (she got on top of me) that lasted for about a minute. Let my male hormones get the best of me and didn't think with the right head.
Thought about the gf the whole time. Was no passion nor emotion, only a physical act. Not attracted one bit to this girl at all. She's manipulative and not mentally stable. I said flat out that I have no feelings for her anymore and what just happened was just plain stupid. I have spent the last 5 months of my life with my gf and a few hours with this girl after not speaking for over a year!
Have been feeling horrible about it and realize how much the girlfriend means to me. I don't understand how or why the night ended like it did and why I let myself get in that situation. Obviously I should've spoken up that coming back to my apartment was not a good idea. Not sure what I should do. I haven't cheated before and never want to feel this way again, never will allow that to happen.
I'm not even thinking about myself, I'll find a way to forgive myself and move forward. Concerned about my girlfriend and her feelings & well-being. I want her to trust me, believe in me and look me in the eye knowing that I never want to hurt her. If i disclose it, somehow things will never be the same should she even want to talk to me anymore?
How can I handle the damage that has been done? I hate the idea of taking it to my grave living a lie my whole life but I don't want to lose her and the special thing we have, hard to find nowadays. Sad and reaching out for guidance. I'm a good person and made a terrible mistake.
She disclosed to me she was seeing a therapist and taking meds for depression before meeting me and now she doesn't have to go anymore because she's happy and has made me feel I'm the reason to make her happy and smile.
We made ourselves facebook official couple months ago but haven't had a physical discussion about exclusivity nor have we said the "L" word yet, but it's in the air.
She went away for a prior planned trip to Vegas for a weekend with her girls so I was home alone for the weekend. She was posting up sexy pics on Instagram at pool parties and clubs but we texted regularly.
Meanwhile, someone I dated couple years ago randomly got in touch that she'd be in town with some friends. We hooked up 1 time back then. Mind you, this person soon hurt my feelings by getting into a relationship with someone else while we were dating and talking for a bit. I wrote her off and should've just deleted her social media accounts. I guess she kept tabs, stalked on me thru social media and saw I was in a happy relationship recently and I guess got jealous? So, being the platonic person I was with nothing going on for the evening met up for couple drinks with her and some friends. Something happened that caused some argument between her and her friends later that niught, had no idea what that was about, was minding by own business texting the gf at the time. Was getting ready to leave to go to bed and she asked to crash on my couch!
With impaired judgement I said okay sure whatever. We got to my apartment and she started to say how bad she felt about hurting me, asking about my girlfriend and I later remember she ended up using my girlfriends hairbrush sitting in my bathroom! Like attempting to leave hints that she was there? I didn't know what to say to any of that, was just an awkward conversation and situation.
Not sure what led up to it, but she wound up in my bed because she felt cold on the couch and we ended up engaging in a hookup session (she got on top of me) that lasted for about a minute. Let my male hormones get the best of me and didn't think with the right head.
Thought about the gf the whole time. Was no passion nor emotion, only a physical act. Not attracted one bit to this girl at all. She's manipulative and not mentally stable. I said flat out that I have no feelings for her anymore and what just happened was just plain stupid. I have spent the last 5 months of my life with my gf and a few hours with this girl after not speaking for over a year!
Have been feeling horrible about it and realize how much the girlfriend means to me. I don't understand how or why the night ended like it did and why I let myself get in that situation. Obviously I should've spoken up that coming back to my apartment was not a good idea. Not sure what I should do. I haven't cheated before and never want to feel this way again, never will allow that to happen.
I'm not even thinking about myself, I'll find a way to forgive myself and move forward. Concerned about my girlfriend and her feelings & well-being. I want her to trust me, believe in me and look me in the eye knowing that I never want to hurt her. If i disclose it, somehow things will never be the same should she even want to talk to me anymore?
How can I handle the damage that has been done? I hate the idea of taking it to my grave living a lie my whole life but I don't want to lose her and the special thing we have, hard to find nowadays. Sad and reaching out for guidance. I'm a good person and made a terrible mistake.
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