I thought I was dealing with my marital problems in a sense that I refuse to engage in arguing, fighting, and not allow tensions to escalate, especially in front of my kids.
We have a very difficult existence, ODD/ADHD son, and bitter with baggage divorced MIL. I am doing my best to hold the family together, and make it workable to some degree. I no longer expect warmth, love, compassion, a kind word from my wife. Every day is a tag-team on the war path to make mince meat out of me. I look forward now, to the days I go to work, and dread the weekends, if we have no solid plans to get out with the kids.
My wife has become a carbon-copy of her mother, and they make enemies out of everyone with their paranoia and suspicion, and that everyone is out to get them. The MIL no sits, often, on the sidelines quietly smirking, that she doesn't need to say a word, as her teachings have finally completed transfer to her daughter.
I don't know under the circumstances, how any guy would have put up with this for so long. I try so hard to make a difficult situation better. I try to enlighten my wife with words of being positive, and work together for the good of the family, all for one and one for all. I try to hug and caress her at night, but she never reciprocates. I don't even remember that last time I even kissed her, let alone passionately. I long for mutual reciprocal compassion. In a word, my wife hates me. So much so, that I've told her to love her children more than she hates me. Her mother has already hated me before. They are negative people, and the MIL's negative influence has taken hold. They try to divide the kids between "my son", and "their daughters". And, I don't know where to go anymore.
If I go on, I will offend people's sanity. Yeah, I know I'm going to get "grow a pair", kick the MIL out etc... But, it's not even about the MIL anymore, my wife has succumbed to the whirlwind of every day, and no matter what I say, and try to be positive, and assure her that together we can decide and solve our problems - I AM ENEMY #1. Everyone around her be damned. If I miss physical therapy for a week, and I go one day after work, I am a selfish louse. I am wished death and disease every day. And almost every sentence ends with an insult. If she says I should die, I say God bless you with long life and prosperity. I am only human. Even though I took to daily prayer, I cannot hold out like this anymore. I adore my daughters, and vice-versa, but I am always assigned to take my son. When I say have a good day in school, the wife and MIL say get the f out already. They make my daughters feel ashamed to love me. My son, is manipulative, and can completely make up a fictitious story that I said X or Y about mom or grandma, and they fall every time hook line and sucker, and its WWIII in the house. He is also tired of being in the middle, which my wife does, and then he also goes and causes trouble (he doesn't know how to feel about it) But, she belittles me in front of my son, and then when trouble starts, expects me to have authority. He has disrespect for both of us. But I always tell him he has the best mom who does everything for him and he has to respect and listen to her.
Anything I say, no matter how innocent, is twisted and turned around and exaggerated by my wife. And then its magnified when she tells her mother. We have no privacy or intimacy.
I have had enough, and feel I stay for the kids. I am working hard with a good job, and try to take on more projects, but nothing I do is appreciative.
Granted my wife is home stir crazy all day with kids, and I want her to get out and maybe get a job (as she would like), but it is no excuse to make me her punching blame bag and scapegoat for all evils in the world. It's a burden on my shoulders I can bear anymore.
In addition, I am deathly afraid that if I leave, my wife and her mother, will make me pay for HER father and ex-husband's infidelity, from where all this mis-trust and man hatred must stem. They will make me suffer emotionally and financially, and then try to make sure I never get to see my kids for good measure.
I sacrificed so much of myself for my family. Been through so much which I don't care to go into here. But here I am, trying to be the responsible man and sole provider of the family, while she seeks to destroy it from within.
I need to see a counselor myself, bc, I can't emotionally deal with all this stress anymore. It could be so easy to be happy. My wife has slipped away from me. It's almost like a curse. Everything has an ulterior motive. I give her a drink, she asks what I put in it, I give her her cell phone fully charged, she asks why I have her phone. She wanted something, I ran out and got it for her. All the while she curses me and washes my bones.
I could go on and on. I feel emotionally abandoned, and I KNOW without me, raising 3 kids she'll struggle even more. I just wanted everything to be right, but I've lost hope. No amount of begging, pleading, crying, working, fixing in the house, chores, taking the kids will change her stubborn perception of me. I don't think she will ever change, but I am not ready to leave for the kids sake. They will be devastated, and then mom will say, see I told you what a bad father you have. After having her own childhood broken, this is what she wants for her children? Her mom is ok with this? OMG.
I know I'm in big trouble. I can't live like this anymore. Please advise.
We have a very difficult existence, ODD/ADHD son, and bitter with baggage divorced MIL. I am doing my best to hold the family together, and make it workable to some degree. I no longer expect warmth, love, compassion, a kind word from my wife. Every day is a tag-team on the war path to make mince meat out of me. I look forward now, to the days I go to work, and dread the weekends, if we have no solid plans to get out with the kids.
My wife has become a carbon-copy of her mother, and they make enemies out of everyone with their paranoia and suspicion, and that everyone is out to get them. The MIL no sits, often, on the sidelines quietly smirking, that she doesn't need to say a word, as her teachings have finally completed transfer to her daughter.
I don't know under the circumstances, how any guy would have put up with this for so long. I try so hard to make a difficult situation better. I try to enlighten my wife with words of being positive, and work together for the good of the family, all for one and one for all. I try to hug and caress her at night, but she never reciprocates. I don't even remember that last time I even kissed her, let alone passionately. I long for mutual reciprocal compassion. In a word, my wife hates me. So much so, that I've told her to love her children more than she hates me. Her mother has already hated me before. They are negative people, and the MIL's negative influence has taken hold. They try to divide the kids between "my son", and "their daughters". And, I don't know where to go anymore.
If I go on, I will offend people's sanity. Yeah, I know I'm going to get "grow a pair", kick the MIL out etc... But, it's not even about the MIL anymore, my wife has succumbed to the whirlwind of every day, and no matter what I say, and try to be positive, and assure her that together we can decide and solve our problems - I AM ENEMY #1. Everyone around her be damned. If I miss physical therapy for a week, and I go one day after work, I am a selfish louse. I am wished death and disease every day. And almost every sentence ends with an insult. If she says I should die, I say God bless you with long life and prosperity. I am only human. Even though I took to daily prayer, I cannot hold out like this anymore. I adore my daughters, and vice-versa, but I am always assigned to take my son. When I say have a good day in school, the wife and MIL say get the f out already. They make my daughters feel ashamed to love me. My son, is manipulative, and can completely make up a fictitious story that I said X or Y about mom or grandma, and they fall every time hook line and sucker, and its WWIII in the house. He is also tired of being in the middle, which my wife does, and then he also goes and causes trouble (he doesn't know how to feel about it) But, she belittles me in front of my son, and then when trouble starts, expects me to have authority. He has disrespect for both of us. But I always tell him he has the best mom who does everything for him and he has to respect and listen to her.
Anything I say, no matter how innocent, is twisted and turned around and exaggerated by my wife. And then its magnified when she tells her mother. We have no privacy or intimacy.
I have had enough, and feel I stay for the kids. I am working hard with a good job, and try to take on more projects, but nothing I do is appreciative.
Granted my wife is home stir crazy all day with kids, and I want her to get out and maybe get a job (as she would like), but it is no excuse to make me her punching blame bag and scapegoat for all evils in the world. It's a burden on my shoulders I can bear anymore.
In addition, I am deathly afraid that if I leave, my wife and her mother, will make me pay for HER father and ex-husband's infidelity, from where all this mis-trust and man hatred must stem. They will make me suffer emotionally and financially, and then try to make sure I never get to see my kids for good measure.
I sacrificed so much of myself for my family. Been through so much which I don't care to go into here. But here I am, trying to be the responsible man and sole provider of the family, while she seeks to destroy it from within.
I need to see a counselor myself, bc, I can't emotionally deal with all this stress anymore. It could be so easy to be happy. My wife has slipped away from me. It's almost like a curse. Everything has an ulterior motive. I give her a drink, she asks what I put in it, I give her her cell phone fully charged, she asks why I have her phone. She wanted something, I ran out and got it for her. All the while she curses me and washes my bones.
I could go on and on. I feel emotionally abandoned, and I KNOW without me, raising 3 kids she'll struggle even more. I just wanted everything to be right, but I've lost hope. No amount of begging, pleading, crying, working, fixing in the house, chores, taking the kids will change her stubborn perception of me. I don't think she will ever change, but I am not ready to leave for the kids sake. They will be devastated, and then mom will say, see I told you what a bad father you have. After having her own childhood broken, this is what she wants for her children? Her mom is ok with this? OMG.
I know I'm in big trouble. I can't live like this anymore. Please advise.
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