I was mulling over this recently, and it seems that through all of the posts about WWs, they all seem to agree on common, Classic Red Flags. And lo and behold, there seem to be seven of them. And here they are:
1. Gut Feeling
2. Sudden changes in her appearance
3. Sudden changes in her behavior
4. Sudden changes in her attitude towards the BH
5. Sudden changes with sex/intimacy
6. Unexplained absences/Unaccounted for time
7. Electronic secrecy
1. GUT FEELING. You, the H or BF, seem to notice that things just aren't "right" with your W/GF. You sense a bit of a "coolness" from her and that she seems "distant" lately. You can't put your finger on it, but that little voice inside you is telling you that something is just, well, "off".
That is the GUT FEELING. Animals are said to posses a sixth sense; they instinctively know when a predator is close by, when a storm is coming, when danger is near. Human Beings lost that sixth sense a long, long time ago as our brains evolved and logic and reason took over. But there are still traces of that sixth sense with us, distant echoes of our days when we were fighting for survival. It's there for a reason, telling us when trouble is near. Never ignore the gut feeling that your W/GF may be up to something.
2. SUDDEN CHANGES IN APPEARANCE. Your W had always dressed conservatively, even wearing the dreaded sweats when she's home. But now, she seems to dress a little more attractively. Her pants seem to be tighter. Her tops show off her assets a bit more. She makes more of an effort with her makeup. She has just gotten a "trendy" new hairstyle. You notice sexier underwear in her drawer. She seems overly obsessed with her weight now.
Perhaps she's just trying out a new look? Maybe her friends suggested a change for her?
Or is this sudden new display not "for your eyes only"? Maybe she's trying to attract the attention of another man? Maybe she already has attracted said attention, and she wants more? Maybe she's involved with another man who told her what he likes to see on women, and now she's dressing the part?
3. SUDDEN CHANGES IN BEHAVIOR. Your W has always been the "Good Wife", the quintessential family woman. She was a homebody who had a small circle of friends. But now, she has new friends. She's going out on GNOs more and more. She suddenly likes those racy "Housewife" shows, when she hated them before. She once abhorred country music, now she listens to it all the time. She likes to jog/play sports now. She couldn't stand that "skank" in the office who was flirting with every man in there. Now they're both inseperable BFFs.
Again, maybe she's just trying something new...
...or SOMEONE new has re-introduced her to the party girl lifestyle?
This brings us to:
4. SUDDEN CHANGES IN HER ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE BH. This is one red flag that should not be brushed off. Did she used to laugh at your dumb jokes, but now seems disgusted by them? Did she always love those little quirks that made her fall in love with you, but now she sees them as immature and annoying? Does she suddenly find fault with the way you drive? The way you dress? The way you do work around the house? Does it seem that you just can't do anything right anymore as far as she's concerned? Does it seem that just last week, you were a model couple, but now she's picking fights with you and you can't be in the same room without an argument breaking out?
Maybe it's depression? Maybe she's got things on her mind?
Or is she in love with someone else, and her marriage is now just an "inconvenient truth" to her? Perhaps she's making you out to be the "bad guy" who's suddenly "all wrong" for her and now she "realizes" that she never really loved you, as a way to justify her affair?
5. SUDDEN CHANGES WITH SEX/INTIMACY. You seem to have had a fine, healthy sex life until now. But overnight, it changed: she is now icing you. She seems to recoil from your touch, her hugs are weaker and she insists that you stay on your side of the bed. She seems to be coming up with more and more excuses to not have sex, and when she does agree, it's like a chore to her...she just doesn't seems to be into it anymore.
Menopause? Exhaustion? Stress? Depression?
Or is she getting her needs met elsewhere, and she doesn't want to waste her energy on you anymore?
But, it could go the other way. Perhaps your sex life was, well, mediocre at best. But suddenly, she's turned into a freak. Those moves that she couldn't stand are now something she can't seem to get enough of. She's turned into a nympho overnight.
Maybe she read an article in Cosmo on how to spice things up? Maybe she feels that she's been neglecting you, and is trying to make it up to you?
Or, maybe she's being introduced to new moves from the OM? maybe she wants to try them with him, but she wants to see how they feel to her first, and you're just the "test pilot"? Or, she may even be giving you more in bed so as to NOT arouse suspicion, or assuage her own feelings of guilt?
6. UNEXPLAINED ABSENCES/UNACCOUNTED FOR TIME. Gee, it seems lately that she's running out to the store for stuff she suddenly thinks you need, even though the fridge is full. But where are the groceries when she comes back 3-4 hours later? She seems to have a huge interest in going to the library for hours at a time, but you know she has no library card. She seems to be working a lot of overtime these days, but there doesn't seem to be an increase in her paycheck. She had to go away for the weekend on business, but when you mentioned this to her boss at the X-mas party, he looked at you like "WTF are you talking about?"
Do you know where she REALLY was? I'll give you 3 guesses, and the first 2 don't count!
7. ELECTRONIC SECRECY. This, by far, is the reddest of the red flags. Whilst the other 6 signs COULD have an innocent, rational explanation, this one has none.
You notice that she's texting like a teenager lately. Her phone that she never used is suddenly glued to her hip 24-7. She gets calls and quickly goes into another room, closing the door behind her. She's changed the passwords to her phone and e-mail without warning, and goes on rants about "privacy" when asked about them. You catch her quickly shutting windows on the internet when you walk into the room, and her laptop is nowhere to be found, as she keeps it well hidden. She hurries up and pays her cellphone bill before you can see it, and claims to have lost it when you ask...even though you always did ALL the bills together.
It takes no genius to see that she doesn't want you to know who she's communicating with.
So, there they are: the "Seven Deadly Signs". Remember, one sign, or maybe even two (with the exception of the "Seventh Seal"), don't necessarily mean an affair...
But several, or even ALL, mean that your marriage is in trouble.
1. Gut Feeling
2. Sudden changes in her appearance
3. Sudden changes in her behavior
4. Sudden changes in her attitude towards the BH
5. Sudden changes with sex/intimacy
6. Unexplained absences/Unaccounted for time
7. Electronic secrecy
1. GUT FEELING. You, the H or BF, seem to notice that things just aren't "right" with your W/GF. You sense a bit of a "coolness" from her and that she seems "distant" lately. You can't put your finger on it, but that little voice inside you is telling you that something is just, well, "off".
That is the GUT FEELING. Animals are said to posses a sixth sense; they instinctively know when a predator is close by, when a storm is coming, when danger is near. Human Beings lost that sixth sense a long, long time ago as our brains evolved and logic and reason took over. But there are still traces of that sixth sense with us, distant echoes of our days when we were fighting for survival. It's there for a reason, telling us when trouble is near. Never ignore the gut feeling that your W/GF may be up to something.
2. SUDDEN CHANGES IN APPEARANCE. Your W had always dressed conservatively, even wearing the dreaded sweats when she's home. But now, she seems to dress a little more attractively. Her pants seem to be tighter. Her tops show off her assets a bit more. She makes more of an effort with her makeup. She has just gotten a "trendy" new hairstyle. You notice sexier underwear in her drawer. She seems overly obsessed with her weight now.
Perhaps she's just trying out a new look? Maybe her friends suggested a change for her?
Or is this sudden new display not "for your eyes only"? Maybe she's trying to attract the attention of another man? Maybe she already has attracted said attention, and she wants more? Maybe she's involved with another man who told her what he likes to see on women, and now she's dressing the part?
3. SUDDEN CHANGES IN BEHAVIOR. Your W has always been the "Good Wife", the quintessential family woman. She was a homebody who had a small circle of friends. But now, she has new friends. She's going out on GNOs more and more. She suddenly likes those racy "Housewife" shows, when she hated them before. She once abhorred country music, now she listens to it all the time. She likes to jog/play sports now. She couldn't stand that "skank" in the office who was flirting with every man in there. Now they're both inseperable BFFs.
Again, maybe she's just trying something new...
...or SOMEONE new has re-introduced her to the party girl lifestyle?
This brings us to:
4. SUDDEN CHANGES IN HER ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE BH. This is one red flag that should not be brushed off. Did she used to laugh at your dumb jokes, but now seems disgusted by them? Did she always love those little quirks that made her fall in love with you, but now she sees them as immature and annoying? Does she suddenly find fault with the way you drive? The way you dress? The way you do work around the house? Does it seem that you just can't do anything right anymore as far as she's concerned? Does it seem that just last week, you were a model couple, but now she's picking fights with you and you can't be in the same room without an argument breaking out?
Maybe it's depression? Maybe she's got things on her mind?
Or is she in love with someone else, and her marriage is now just an "inconvenient truth" to her? Perhaps she's making you out to be the "bad guy" who's suddenly "all wrong" for her and now she "realizes" that she never really loved you, as a way to justify her affair?
5. SUDDEN CHANGES WITH SEX/INTIMACY. You seem to have had a fine, healthy sex life until now. But overnight, it changed: she is now icing you. She seems to recoil from your touch, her hugs are weaker and she insists that you stay on your side of the bed. She seems to be coming up with more and more excuses to not have sex, and when she does agree, it's like a chore to her...she just doesn't seems to be into it anymore.
Menopause? Exhaustion? Stress? Depression?
Or is she getting her needs met elsewhere, and she doesn't want to waste her energy on you anymore?
But, it could go the other way. Perhaps your sex life was, well, mediocre at best. But suddenly, she's turned into a freak. Those moves that she couldn't stand are now something she can't seem to get enough of. She's turned into a nympho overnight.
Maybe she read an article in Cosmo on how to spice things up? Maybe she feels that she's been neglecting you, and is trying to make it up to you?
Or, maybe she's being introduced to new moves from the OM? maybe she wants to try them with him, but she wants to see how they feel to her first, and you're just the "test pilot"? Or, she may even be giving you more in bed so as to NOT arouse suspicion, or assuage her own feelings of guilt?
6. UNEXPLAINED ABSENCES/UNACCOUNTED FOR TIME. Gee, it seems lately that she's running out to the store for stuff she suddenly thinks you need, even though the fridge is full. But where are the groceries when she comes back 3-4 hours later? She seems to have a huge interest in going to the library for hours at a time, but you know she has no library card. She seems to be working a lot of overtime these days, but there doesn't seem to be an increase in her paycheck. She had to go away for the weekend on business, but when you mentioned this to her boss at the X-mas party, he looked at you like "WTF are you talking about?"
Do you know where she REALLY was? I'll give you 3 guesses, and the first 2 don't count!
7. ELECTRONIC SECRECY. This, by far, is the reddest of the red flags. Whilst the other 6 signs COULD have an innocent, rational explanation, this one has none.
You notice that she's texting like a teenager lately. Her phone that she never used is suddenly glued to her hip 24-7. She gets calls and quickly goes into another room, closing the door behind her. She's changed the passwords to her phone and e-mail without warning, and goes on rants about "privacy" when asked about them. You catch her quickly shutting windows on the internet when you walk into the room, and her laptop is nowhere to be found, as she keeps it well hidden. She hurries up and pays her cellphone bill before you can see it, and claims to have lost it when you ask...even though you always did ALL the bills together.
It takes no genius to see that she doesn't want you to know who she's communicating with.
So, there they are: the "Seven Deadly Signs". Remember, one sign, or maybe even two (with the exception of the "Seventh Seal"), don't necessarily mean an affair...
But several, or even ALL, mean that your marriage is in trouble.
Put the internet to work for you.
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