Hi Everyone,
This is my first post and attempt at finding support in anyway. My marriage has come crumbling down around me and its been less than two weeks my husband declared his feelings for another woman.
My story
I have been with my husband in a relationship for going on 14 years, we recently just tied the knot last October 2012. We planned wedding many times over the years but money, family and unexpected deaths of my father and my uncle and relatives have all played a part. We have always felt married anyway so it was more or less just to celebrate officially. We began as friends for a year and we became best of friends and were both swept into mad love together. We were inseparable. My husband and I have been through many of life's ups and downs together job loss, issues with family, finances, stress. We had a great relationship with the normal hiccups. We had occasional arguments like everyone else. For the most part we were very happy and always loving. Even after arguments we would cuddle and watch tv. That all soon changed a few months ago. I started noticing my husband spending more time watching sports and becoming distant.
He had recently lost his job and i figured he was depressed and withdrawn. I gave him all my support and encouragement , wiped his tears and cuddled and hugged him. Telling him i will help him find new job and all will be ok. One day my world came crashing down. He was not feeling well and i went to store to get meds. I received a TEXT! From him telling me he is overwhelmed and was going to his Moms for weekend. We have always been so close and loving so never thought twice. His Moms place is crowded with his two brothers, sister, sister in law and parents. Not comfortable. I was upset he didn't tell me in person but i figured he needed his space. .i did not question it. After weekend was over, he called and said he needed more time. I was totally confused. I still trusted in him and gave him time.
I know my husband does not handle stress well and he tends to shutdown. I thought it was best he took time he needed and i knew he was at his moms and was nowhere strange. My mom in law and i are extremely close. After another week or so my husband broke down and told me that he was stressed with his job, bills, family and felt he wanted to be alone for a bit more. I could not make sense of it and was so confused. I chose to give him his time. His mother would tell me he wasn't going out and was always there so i assumed it was time he needed and i tried to be supportive and loving through his crises.
Well my world has been shattered. I found out that when he was laid off In April. He had left prob two weeks later, he was having an affair with his assistant. I am so devastated and beyond in agony. Aside from the everyday issues and job we were loving i could not understand why this happened . So now i know that the time he needed was not about us our issues or his stress it was about his affair. He cant escape from our home and talk all time with her because of how close we are i would know. So he used his moms as a tool.
I am shattered. I have a 17 year old son my husband has raised since before age 3. Blood doesn't make you a father. So our son is in military bootcamp now and so glad for that. My husband still over this time he's been at his moms comes to spend nights out of the week here with me at home and when he is not he was calling me on video phone ten times a day with I love you and talking for hours. I am totally blindsided and in alot of pain. I cant wrap my head around this agony and the betrayal. I knew of the girl and I called her. She confirmed it to me and said she was sorry and would never hurt our family and would back off. As upset and betrayed as i am, i am so in love with my husband i was ready to fight for my marriage. I was not going to let all our years be washed away . Sadly the girl and my husband continued. I confronted my husband two weeks ago that I knew they had not stopped. He shut down and couldn't talk to me. He became very cold and distant after when we did s peak and it was like talking to a stranger. I do not understand his behavior. His warm loving self was a cold shell.
I am perplexed and really blown away by it all. We spoke two weeks ago on phone. He still would not face me in person. Guess he's a coward. Told me that he loves me but fell in love with mistress. That he cant be with me with having feelings for her. So now our 14 years are now disposable because he found something new. He seems very out of touch and not thinking. He says he feels conflicted but we cant be together now. I am crushed Beyond repair. My husband is such a loving man and I could never imagine him doing this. He has shifted personalities over night and i cant grasp it ..
Is this new illusion clouding his brain. Sure the allure of not having anything but fun and sex is exciting because they don't share a real life together. They have zero issues because they are playing la la land. I am devastated Beyond words.
My dilemma, he has done the worst thing you can do to anyone, let alone a wife. Despite it all i know people are not perfect and sometimes mess up royally. My heart loves him with such a pure love and i miss him so badly despite all of this . He knows how much pain he's caused me as i have expressed it when we spoke last. I cried for over an hour without consolation. He has abandoned me and our son for some thrills. He knows i want our marriage and my heart aches he is doing this
I am here all alone going through this and am so depressed. I find it hard to believe that a few months on and off is worth ruining a life together and a marriage ... Are there any people who have been through similar and worked things out? I love my husband deeply ..so alone and hurting
This is my first post and attempt at finding support in anyway. My marriage has come crumbling down around me and its been less than two weeks my husband declared his feelings for another woman.
My story
I have been with my husband in a relationship for going on 14 years, we recently just tied the knot last October 2012. We planned wedding many times over the years but money, family and unexpected deaths of my father and my uncle and relatives have all played a part. We have always felt married anyway so it was more or less just to celebrate officially. We began as friends for a year and we became best of friends and were both swept into mad love together. We were inseparable. My husband and I have been through many of life's ups and downs together job loss, issues with family, finances, stress. We had a great relationship with the normal hiccups. We had occasional arguments like everyone else. For the most part we were very happy and always loving. Even after arguments we would cuddle and watch tv. That all soon changed a few months ago. I started noticing my husband spending more time watching sports and becoming distant.
He had recently lost his job and i figured he was depressed and withdrawn. I gave him all my support and encouragement , wiped his tears and cuddled and hugged him. Telling him i will help him find new job and all will be ok. One day my world came crashing down. He was not feeling well and i went to store to get meds. I received a TEXT! From him telling me he is overwhelmed and was going to his Moms for weekend. We have always been so close and loving so never thought twice. His Moms place is crowded with his two brothers, sister, sister in law and parents. Not comfortable. I was upset he didn't tell me in person but i figured he needed his space. .i did not question it. After weekend was over, he called and said he needed more time. I was totally confused. I still trusted in him and gave him time.
I know my husband does not handle stress well and he tends to shutdown. I thought it was best he took time he needed and i knew he was at his moms and was nowhere strange. My mom in law and i are extremely close. After another week or so my husband broke down and told me that he was stressed with his job, bills, family and felt he wanted to be alone for a bit more. I could not make sense of it and was so confused. I chose to give him his time. His mother would tell me he wasn't going out and was always there so i assumed it was time he needed and i tried to be supportive and loving through his crises.
Well my world has been shattered. I found out that when he was laid off In April. He had left prob two weeks later, he was having an affair with his assistant. I am so devastated and beyond in agony. Aside from the everyday issues and job we were loving i could not understand why this happened . So now i know that the time he needed was not about us our issues or his stress it was about his affair. He cant escape from our home and talk all time with her because of how close we are i would know. So he used his moms as a tool.
I am shattered. I have a 17 year old son my husband has raised since before age 3. Blood doesn't make you a father. So our son is in military bootcamp now and so glad for that. My husband still over this time he's been at his moms comes to spend nights out of the week here with me at home and when he is not he was calling me on video phone ten times a day with I love you and talking for hours. I am totally blindsided and in alot of pain. I cant wrap my head around this agony and the betrayal. I knew of the girl and I called her. She confirmed it to me and said she was sorry and would never hurt our family and would back off. As upset and betrayed as i am, i am so in love with my husband i was ready to fight for my marriage. I was not going to let all our years be washed away . Sadly the girl and my husband continued. I confronted my husband two weeks ago that I knew they had not stopped. He shut down and couldn't talk to me. He became very cold and distant after when we did s peak and it was like talking to a stranger. I do not understand his behavior. His warm loving self was a cold shell.
I am perplexed and really blown away by it all. We spoke two weeks ago on phone. He still would not face me in person. Guess he's a coward. Told me that he loves me but fell in love with mistress. That he cant be with me with having feelings for her. So now our 14 years are now disposable because he found something new. He seems very out of touch and not thinking. He says he feels conflicted but we cant be together now. I am crushed Beyond repair. My husband is such a loving man and I could never imagine him doing this. He has shifted personalities over night and i cant grasp it ..
Is this new illusion clouding his brain. Sure the allure of not having anything but fun and sex is exciting because they don't share a real life together. They have zero issues because they are playing la la land. I am devastated Beyond words.
My dilemma, he has done the worst thing you can do to anyone, let alone a wife. Despite it all i know people are not perfect and sometimes mess up royally. My heart loves him with such a pure love and i miss him so badly despite all of this . He knows how much pain he's caused me as i have expressed it when we spoke last. I cried for over an hour without consolation. He has abandoned me and our son for some thrills. He knows i want our marriage and my heart aches he is doing this
I am here all alone going through this and am so depressed. I find it hard to believe that a few months on and off is worth ruining a life together and a marriage ... Are there any people who have been through similar and worked things out? I love my husband deeply ..so alone and hurting
Put the internet to work for you.
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