Hey, guys. I'm not married, but I posted on here awhile ago and got some great responses that I really appreciated. I'm having a tough time again, so I was hoping to get some suggestions. My full story is here, if you're interested:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...ghanistan.html
But here is the summarized version and what has happened since. Thanks in advance!
I was with a guy for about a year. I'm 21, he's 25. I loved him, still do, and even now I believe he loved me. He deployed to Afghanistan last March. We did good until around July, when he got extremely stressed out with the deployment and decided he should "pause" our relationship until he came home so he could focus on the deployment. I was really upset because it came out of nowhere and it was hard for me to understand, but I said I supported him and let him go.
He kept in touch with me (he initiated everything) about every two weeks but then suddenly stopped contacting me in October. Again, I decided if he wanted to talk to me he would and I let him go. I did send a care package with his favorite foods mid October, and then I said Happy Birthday toward the beginning of December but I never initiated anything else. I did those things for MYSELF, I wanted to know in my head that I did everything I could and let him know that I still cared. I figured it would be easier for me in the long run that way because I couldn't play the "What if?" game or blame anything on myself.
Anyway he got home from Afghanistan two weeks ago. His family lives in another state so he isn't in my town right now, but he will be visiting extended family HERE next week. I had not heard a peep from him until he messaged me on Facebook Thursday night, just saying hey. I replied and we sent a few messages back and forth during the afternoon. He kept the convo going and eventually texted me instead of Facebook messaging.
So I fall asleep last night and wake up to a phone call around 1:30 am and I answered. Yes I know I shouldn't have... Pretty obvious where this is going. I was doing so good before I responded to his Facebook message and broke NC Anyway I could tell he had been drinking but he basically started crying to me (literally) saying he misses me, that he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he loves me and wants me back. He said he's been out with his friends but always ends the night thinking of me. Everything leads back to me. He said he wants to start over. That he saw so many things in Afghanistan that messed with him and he thought it would be better to separate himself from me, but now that he's home he regrets it. He said that he wants to start over with me and commit to me.
So I text him this afternoon asking him if he felt the same way, and he says he doesn't even remember talking to me. I find that a little hard to believe and I'm extremely disappointed and setback. I came forward and asked him (even if doesn't remember saying those things) does he have feelings me?? I said if he doesn't, I'd like him to tell me so that I could move on without him. He says "Yes I guess I do to some degree I do have feelings for you. I just hate that I drunk dialed you. I was wanting to talk to you about everything in person."
So... Do you think he meant any of what he said? And why would he include the "to some degree". What is my next step? I haven't replied to that text yet... The thing is, I was fine without him and don't need "closure" from him. I had accepted that I would probably never hear from him again so this is all completely throwing me off. Obviously I'm not over it and I do still have feelings for him and wish that it could work. I'm willing to put everything behind us. BUT I'm not interested in being strung along or a hookup or being friends. Period.
I guess I was just curious as to how I should respond or what I should do. Any insight. Thank you
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...ghanistan.html
But here is the summarized version and what has happened since. Thanks in advance!
I was with a guy for about a year. I'm 21, he's 25. I loved him, still do, and even now I believe he loved me. He deployed to Afghanistan last March. We did good until around July, when he got extremely stressed out with the deployment and decided he should "pause" our relationship until he came home so he could focus on the deployment. I was really upset because it came out of nowhere and it was hard for me to understand, but I said I supported him and let him go.
He kept in touch with me (he initiated everything) about every two weeks but then suddenly stopped contacting me in October. Again, I decided if he wanted to talk to me he would and I let him go. I did send a care package with his favorite foods mid October, and then I said Happy Birthday toward the beginning of December but I never initiated anything else. I did those things for MYSELF, I wanted to know in my head that I did everything I could and let him know that I still cared. I figured it would be easier for me in the long run that way because I couldn't play the "What if?" game or blame anything on myself.
Anyway he got home from Afghanistan two weeks ago. His family lives in another state so he isn't in my town right now, but he will be visiting extended family HERE next week. I had not heard a peep from him until he messaged me on Facebook Thursday night, just saying hey. I replied and we sent a few messages back and forth during the afternoon. He kept the convo going and eventually texted me instead of Facebook messaging.
So I fall asleep last night and wake up to a phone call around 1:30 am and I answered. Yes I know I shouldn't have... Pretty obvious where this is going. I was doing so good before I responded to his Facebook message and broke NC Anyway I could tell he had been drinking but he basically started crying to me (literally) saying he misses me, that he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he loves me and wants me back. He said he's been out with his friends but always ends the night thinking of me. Everything leads back to me. He said he wants to start over. That he saw so many things in Afghanistan that messed with him and he thought it would be better to separate himself from me, but now that he's home he regrets it. He said that he wants to start over with me and commit to me.
So I text him this afternoon asking him if he felt the same way, and he says he doesn't even remember talking to me. I find that a little hard to believe and I'm extremely disappointed and setback. I came forward and asked him (even if doesn't remember saying those things) does he have feelings me?? I said if he doesn't, I'd like him to tell me so that I could move on without him. He says "Yes I guess I do to some degree I do have feelings for you. I just hate that I drunk dialed you. I was wanting to talk to you about everything in person."
So... Do you think he meant any of what he said? And why would he include the "to some degree". What is my next step? I haven't replied to that text yet... The thing is, I was fine without him and don't need "closure" from him. I had accepted that I would probably never hear from him again so this is all completely throwing me off. Obviously I'm not over it and I do still have feelings for him and wish that it could work. I'm willing to put everything behind us. BUT I'm not interested in being strung along or a hookup or being friends. Period.
I guess I was just curious as to how I should respond or what I should do. Any insight. Thank you
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