Ok, need some outside input here, I'm so frustrated. So, my husband is a geek. Love parts of that, because we always have automated things and great internet LOL...He's a "Ham"...a licensed Ham Radio Operator. When we got married he joked that part of the deal was that I get my license too. i did...even though I have ZERO interest in it. I did it willingly, and became part of the gang, all of our friends have theirs too. I did this solely for him and he knows it, but NEVER have I held it over his head. It's a running joke in our group that I'm a good wife for it.
So...we go to this "Hamfest" every year. It's two hours away and I think it's on the same weekend every year, but honestly I couldn't be sure....I just go with them when I'm told it's coming up. We get up at 5am and I'm a trooper all day, it's like a huge flea market of junk and the guys love it. Literally the only fun for me is the time spent watching my H have his fun with it.
So...this weekend I'm participating in an Alzheimer's Walk through work, my coworker organized it and she lost her mom to Alzheimer's just this year. I've been signed up and had it on the calendar for about three weeks. It happens to be the same day as Hamfest this year, but H didn't mention Hamfest at all, I happened to catch it from one of our friends. I thought to myself "oh no!" and told H that I have already got plans for Saturday afternoon, and that I wouldn't be able to go to Hamfest. He got upset and threw a huge guilt trip on me. I told him, "I'm sorry, but you didn't tell me Hamfest was coming up. If it's that important to you that I do 'Your' thing, don't you think you should have told me when it was?"
His response: "We go every year. Fine. I see how it is."
I tried to explain to him that if I expected him to do something for me that was only MY thing, I would feel it was necessary to make it clear that it was coming up so that he was sure to be free. He doesn't agree. Totally made me feel like the bad guy, and I don't think it's fair. I think he knows deep down that I'm right (not that I'm proud to be "RIGHT") but he has too much ego to do anything but give me guilt.
So, instead of getting up and going with the group like he planned, he pouted and stayed home. It seems like if I don't always bend to his will and be at his beck and call, I have to suffer the consequences. Fair? Doesn't feel like it.
Kind of just needed to vent, but how would you handle a spouse when they act that way? And do you think I'm wrong?
For the record, today he said "SO, are you getting up and going with me tomorrow then?" and of course, I said yes. I said "sure, it'll be fun, just the two of us." with a smile on my face, even though I know it's going to be a boring Sunday for me LOL... but i would totally do that for him, sans guilt.
I know he'll never address the fact that he blamed me for today, and will just sweep it under the rug...which I know I'll resent, because I feel like he gets to be crappy to me and I'm supposed to just get over it without an apology or a change of that type of behavior. I feel like he refuses to see my side of things, and the fact that hey...she's doing this for me every year in support of ME.
So...we go to this "Hamfest" every year. It's two hours away and I think it's on the same weekend every year, but honestly I couldn't be sure....I just go with them when I'm told it's coming up. We get up at 5am and I'm a trooper all day, it's like a huge flea market of junk and the guys love it. Literally the only fun for me is the time spent watching my H have his fun with it.
So...this weekend I'm participating in an Alzheimer's Walk through work, my coworker organized it and she lost her mom to Alzheimer's just this year. I've been signed up and had it on the calendar for about three weeks. It happens to be the same day as Hamfest this year, but H didn't mention Hamfest at all, I happened to catch it from one of our friends. I thought to myself "oh no!" and told H that I have already got plans for Saturday afternoon, and that I wouldn't be able to go to Hamfest. He got upset and threw a huge guilt trip on me. I told him, "I'm sorry, but you didn't tell me Hamfest was coming up. If it's that important to you that I do 'Your' thing, don't you think you should have told me when it was?"
His response: "We go every year. Fine. I see how it is."
I tried to explain to him that if I expected him to do something for me that was only MY thing, I would feel it was necessary to make it clear that it was coming up so that he was sure to be free. He doesn't agree. Totally made me feel like the bad guy, and I don't think it's fair. I think he knows deep down that I'm right (not that I'm proud to be "RIGHT") but he has too much ego to do anything but give me guilt.
So, instead of getting up and going with the group like he planned, he pouted and stayed home. It seems like if I don't always bend to his will and be at his beck and call, I have to suffer the consequences. Fair? Doesn't feel like it.
Kind of just needed to vent, but how would you handle a spouse when they act that way? And do you think I'm wrong?
For the record, today he said "SO, are you getting up and going with me tomorrow then?" and of course, I said yes. I said "sure, it'll be fun, just the two of us." with a smile on my face, even though I know it's going to be a boring Sunday for me LOL... but i would totally do that for him, sans guilt.
I know he'll never address the fact that he blamed me for today, and will just sweep it under the rug...which I know I'll resent, because I feel like he gets to be crappy to me and I'm supposed to just get over it without an apology or a change of that type of behavior. I feel like he refuses to see my side of things, and the fact that hey...she's doing this for me every year in support of ME.
Put the internet to work for you.
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