can it be done?

It's almost a year now since I found that my husband of more than 38 years had been using prostitutes for years - first massage with happy endings and then full sex. He did this while travelling as well as in our home city - going in the day, when I was out of town and sometimes when he knew I would be working late. I can't describe what this has done to me. We're still together - going to counselling as individuals, and a a couple. After so long there is a lot to lose if we can't get through this. He seems very committed to staying together - and after two visits in the first month after I found out (I discovered this some time later) says he isn't seeing prostitutes any more. He lied to me so often, I don't know what I can believe. To make matters worse, he lost his job and is not happy about that. He's looking for work, but not talking to me about it. I think that's because he's looking to work in Asia - where he started with the prostitutes (yes, I st ill look at his emails when I get the opportunity). He really liked Asian women. He didn't tell me this - I found the messages on a forum he was involved in.

The problem is my enormous unhappiness, and disgust with what he did. I've tried everything I can think of to help myself deal with this (focusing on me, losing weight, buying nice clothes - I've just done a meditation course, and am enrolled in a mindfulness course), but there are times when I don't know whether I can do it. I know what I need to do - focus on going forward, not think about the past - but sometimes it overwhelms me. I still cry often. My default is unhappy.

The subject line on this message says it all - can it be done? Can a marriage come back from something like this? If you've succeeded, please tell me what helped you.

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