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Am I wasting my time and energy on a PDw?

I've been trying to hold the W (with BPD-like traits) to a level of accountability. I have been telling her that I will call her out on her abusive behaviors with me and with the children. Here is a not-so-uncommon situation that occurred a couple weeks ago:

Came home in the evening. W was getting on Daughter and Son1 (both in late teens) for not doing chores. While Daughter was cleaning the litter box, W continued harping at her. W's angry and bemoaning tone was provoking. Daughter was giving her some back. I stepped in and told W to stop talking to them the way she was -that Daughter was doing what she was asked. She called me a "f***ing a**hole" and used "f***ing" in a couple other ways in her angry and venomous response. Don't remember exactly what was said, nor do I want to remember. Told her not to talk to me that way. I went downstairs. Heard W's invective and bemoaning voice going at Son1. Son1 called her a "f****g b***h" and walked away. I let it go. She provoked him. She provoked Daughter. It's time these children see her for what she really is.

Next morning W came downstairs and told me she is not going to be cleaning anything in the kitchen except for her own messes; she's not doing laundry for anyone. Said she is tired of doing for everyone else. (The victim) No apology for the night before. I told her that she needed to apologize to me and the children. She refused.

Over the last two weeks since the event I have told her she needs to make the situation right by apologizing and asking for forgiveness -with me and with the children. She refuses. W continues day-to-day like it never happened. I don't want to let this just slide under the rug. I can't pick up day-to-day conversations with her like it never happened. It's a pattern with her that will be hard to break. Brought it up again this morning and told her she needs to make it right. She denied that Son1 called her a "f***ing b*tch." She tried a couple rabbit trails, but I told her nothing makes right what she did that evening. Am I wasting my time and energy? I realize she may never come clean on this event –or any other. Am I expecting too much from a PDw? Suggestions?

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