Hello,
I´m looking for common sense opinions and comments, please. All my consious life I´ve suffered the sex trouble - I don´t want sex, but unlike many others I KNOW my reason for it.
I´m a 25yo 5´6" blonde, 118lb, and I do feel attractive. I love myself, I treat myself to nice lingerie, I like being feminine, flirting, and desired (and I am). But.
When it comes to having an intercourse ALL I see around is bacteria. Seriously. I deny myself in spontaneous sex with my permanent and trusted partner because I catch myself with the idea "Oh this table is not clean - I´ve just cut carrots on it" (for example). Not to mention sex on the floor - even if it´s MY floor and I washed it myself just today. It comes worse - even in bed I cannot relax. All my natural desire is killed with the thoughts of "did he wash his hands?" or "did he step on the floor before coming to bed?". This pitifully results in NO vaginal sex (oral is OK with me, my fobia is somewhat only related to no-knickers intercourses). The root for it is that I had bad experience with "unpleasant" deseases with my first sex partner a while ago (an awful liar and cheater he was), and it caused me to have long medical treatment to cure, endless rounds of doctors and etc.. After it I´ve always been having some sort of vagina disbalanced microflora from time to time (I asume all women have it from time to time, but I´ve started making too many check-up tests after that case), and I´m always scared of the ´return´ of those awful problems. Yes, I´ve read that sexually transmitted diseases are only catchable from sex, but I see the threat everywhere - namely on the surfaces of objects, including my bed and fingers of my man. I´m crazy and I know it.
Now I´m just married (2+ months). My husband is GREAT and understanding, I told him everything how I feel. He even washes his hands right before jumping in bed to me. But it doesn´t help us ot have more sex. He tolerates our lack of sex, at least so far. But it makes him unhappy. I make him unhappy. My most loved person. And I also have a tendency to immaculate everything around me in the house, which drives him (as any normal man) crazy. I admit I´m not normal, and he is normal. I want to change myself. I´ve tried making lists of what I really fear, reading on the Internet about possibilities of catching anything from sex on the floor - but it doesn´t persuade me. I´m still scared. I can only shut my eyes and bite my lip - that´s the only way i can have vaginal sex now. I have ALL the natural desire for sex, but this damn thoughts kill it all.
What I would like from this thread - please do not send me to psycologists unless they can be available online - simply because we live on a small island and there are no good specialists here for that. But please do comment out of your common sense - even if you will laugh at me. I want to see it from the comical part, in a humerous nature. Or tell me how you have sex on a pile of dead leaves and nothing happens to you in term of ginecologyst problems. Or tell me anything that you think might help me.. please. I´ve already lost 2 relations because of this thing. My husband is too good to lose him because of that.
I´m looking for common sense opinions and comments, please. All my consious life I´ve suffered the sex trouble - I don´t want sex, but unlike many others I KNOW my reason for it.
I´m a 25yo 5´6" blonde, 118lb, and I do feel attractive. I love myself, I treat myself to nice lingerie, I like being feminine, flirting, and desired (and I am). But.
When it comes to having an intercourse ALL I see around is bacteria. Seriously. I deny myself in spontaneous sex with my permanent and trusted partner because I catch myself with the idea "Oh this table is not clean - I´ve just cut carrots on it" (for example). Not to mention sex on the floor - even if it´s MY floor and I washed it myself just today. It comes worse - even in bed I cannot relax. All my natural desire is killed with the thoughts of "did he wash his hands?" or "did he step on the floor before coming to bed?". This pitifully results in NO vaginal sex (oral is OK with me, my fobia is somewhat only related to no-knickers intercourses). The root for it is that I had bad experience with "unpleasant" deseases with my first sex partner a while ago (an awful liar and cheater he was), and it caused me to have long medical treatment to cure, endless rounds of doctors and etc.. After it I´ve always been having some sort of vagina disbalanced microflora from time to time (I asume all women have it from time to time, but I´ve started making too many check-up tests after that case), and I´m always scared of the ´return´ of those awful problems. Yes, I´ve read that sexually transmitted diseases are only catchable from sex, but I see the threat everywhere - namely on the surfaces of objects, including my bed and fingers of my man. I´m crazy and I know it.
Now I´m just married (2+ months). My husband is GREAT and understanding, I told him everything how I feel. He even washes his hands right before jumping in bed to me. But it doesn´t help us ot have more sex. He tolerates our lack of sex, at least so far. But it makes him unhappy. I make him unhappy. My most loved person. And I also have a tendency to immaculate everything around me in the house, which drives him (as any normal man) crazy. I admit I´m not normal, and he is normal. I want to change myself. I´ve tried making lists of what I really fear, reading on the Internet about possibilities of catching anything from sex on the floor - but it doesn´t persuade me. I´m still scared. I can only shut my eyes and bite my lip - that´s the only way i can have vaginal sex now. I have ALL the natural desire for sex, but this damn thoughts kill it all.
What I would like from this thread - please do not send me to psycologists unless they can be available online - simply because we live on a small island and there are no good specialists here for that. But please do comment out of your common sense - even if you will laugh at me. I want to see it from the comical part, in a humerous nature. Or tell me how you have sex on a pile of dead leaves and nothing happens to you in term of ginecologyst problems. Or tell me anything that you think might help me.. please. I´ve already lost 2 relations because of this thing. My husband is too good to lose him because of that.
Put the internet to work for you.
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