Okay, so, prepare for a wall of text.
I don't tend to like girls as much as this that often, there've only been 2 girls that I've ever liked anywhere near this much (I'm 18) including the one I'm talking about in this thread, and the other one I ended up going out with for 9 months or something. This is one reason why this is so much harder for me to deal with, because I just know it's going to be a long time before I like somebody else as much as I like this current girl, and I'm a big believer in doing things for yourself, not wasting opportunities that you will regret in the future.
So, there's this girl in my Philosophy class who I've always thought was pretty and nice and ****, but I'd never really spoken to her before. However, last wednesday we paired up for a project, and I spoke to her for 2 lessons. After only 10 minutes of talking to her I really started to like her... a lot. On the friday I was infatuated with her, and couldn't stop thinking about her. On the saturday I messaged her over facebook asking about homework and ****, trying to start a conversation. She started replying, and we got into a really nice, detailed conversation. I then had to go and conveniently left her my phone number. She texted me, it was all going great. She seemed really into me, and obviously I was really into her. On the night, part way through texting she told me that she had been to the cinema with her girlfriend last week... turns out she's bisexual and has a girlfriend.
So on that night I stood out in the rain on the way home from a friends and cried for a good 15 minutes, and then cried some more at home. Sounds cliché, but it's true. I understand it could be seen as an overreaction, maybe you're thinking "hey man, you've only spoken to her for 3 days, let it go, find someone else", but I can't help the way that I feel. So, I've been depressed ever since then, have barely been eating cause when I do I feel sick and **** like that. Again, an overreaction, whatever, I can't really help that I feel this strongly about someone who I've only recently started talking to.
So, saturday night and sunday she keeps texting me, and I keep texting her (because just stopping talking to her would be incredibly mean). Not only that, but I can't stop texting her (okay, that's an exaggeration), I just love to speak to her that much. So, it's now tuesday night and I'm not in a better situation. I said I'd give myself a couple of days to recuperate and think things through... this **** hasn't got any easier. I don't want to stop speaking to her, partly because that would be mean and awkward (as I see her in class), and partly because I really enjoy talking to her. With this being said, I also don't want to have to keep talking to her knowing that nothing will come of it. All today I was fine when I was doing stuff with my mates, but as soon as I get home alone my mind instantly turns to her and I can't get rid of the depression... I put off going to bed at night because when in bed all I can think about is imagining being with her, doing random **** together, even simple stuff like having days out to places etc. I've started smoking a lot again and even considered cutting myself (fortunately I'm not that desperate no matter the circumstances, my self-restraint can hold me away from some things, at least XD).
So I'm just wondering what in the flying **** can I do? I mean, I'm sure that EVENTUALLY the feelings will pass, but that doesn't make the situation any easier at the moment, plus is it really definite that they will pass soon? I mean, I don't think I've ever felt this way about anyone, surely that's got to mean something? Plus, the fact that I'm talking to her every day and seeing her in classes isn't going to help in letting me lose feelings for her quickly.
I don't want her to split up with her girlfriend, that's just a ****ing awful thing to wish. I like to think my morals are better than that even when in this much distress. However, if they DID split up ever, of course I would want to try to be with her, but I'd probably feel like a complete **** if that happened, and feel really guilty. At the same time, I don't know whether I can cope with just being her friend. But I don't think there's any way to STOP being her friend without giving a reason. And now you're probably thinking "well why not just tell her, that will give you a reason". Well, because that is also really mean. Telling your friend, who's in a relationship, that you like them is a bit of a dick move. It could cause awkwardness and arguments, as well as making her feel like ****.
What the **** do I do?
I don't tend to like girls as much as this that often, there've only been 2 girls that I've ever liked anywhere near this much (I'm 18) including the one I'm talking about in this thread, and the other one I ended up going out with for 9 months or something. This is one reason why this is so much harder for me to deal with, because I just know it's going to be a long time before I like somebody else as much as I like this current girl, and I'm a big believer in doing things for yourself, not wasting opportunities that you will regret in the future.
So, there's this girl in my Philosophy class who I've always thought was pretty and nice and ****, but I'd never really spoken to her before. However, last wednesday we paired up for a project, and I spoke to her for 2 lessons. After only 10 minutes of talking to her I really started to like her... a lot. On the friday I was infatuated with her, and couldn't stop thinking about her. On the saturday I messaged her over facebook asking about homework and ****, trying to start a conversation. She started replying, and we got into a really nice, detailed conversation. I then had to go and conveniently left her my phone number. She texted me, it was all going great. She seemed really into me, and obviously I was really into her. On the night, part way through texting she told me that she had been to the cinema with her girlfriend last week... turns out she's bisexual and has a girlfriend.
So on that night I stood out in the rain on the way home from a friends and cried for a good 15 minutes, and then cried some more at home. Sounds cliché, but it's true. I understand it could be seen as an overreaction, maybe you're thinking "hey man, you've only spoken to her for 3 days, let it go, find someone else", but I can't help the way that I feel. So, I've been depressed ever since then, have barely been eating cause when I do I feel sick and **** like that. Again, an overreaction, whatever, I can't really help that I feel this strongly about someone who I've only recently started talking to.
So, saturday night and sunday she keeps texting me, and I keep texting her (because just stopping talking to her would be incredibly mean). Not only that, but I can't stop texting her (okay, that's an exaggeration), I just love to speak to her that much. So, it's now tuesday night and I'm not in a better situation. I said I'd give myself a couple of days to recuperate and think things through... this **** hasn't got any easier. I don't want to stop speaking to her, partly because that would be mean and awkward (as I see her in class), and partly because I really enjoy talking to her. With this being said, I also don't want to have to keep talking to her knowing that nothing will come of it. All today I was fine when I was doing stuff with my mates, but as soon as I get home alone my mind instantly turns to her and I can't get rid of the depression... I put off going to bed at night because when in bed all I can think about is imagining being with her, doing random **** together, even simple stuff like having days out to places etc. I've started smoking a lot again and even considered cutting myself (fortunately I'm not that desperate no matter the circumstances, my self-restraint can hold me away from some things, at least XD).
So I'm just wondering what in the flying **** can I do? I mean, I'm sure that EVENTUALLY the feelings will pass, but that doesn't make the situation any easier at the moment, plus is it really definite that they will pass soon? I mean, I don't think I've ever felt this way about anyone, surely that's got to mean something? Plus, the fact that I'm talking to her every day and seeing her in classes isn't going to help in letting me lose feelings for her quickly.
I don't want her to split up with her girlfriend, that's just a ****ing awful thing to wish. I like to think my morals are better than that even when in this much distress. However, if they DID split up ever, of course I would want to try to be with her, but I'd probably feel like a complete **** if that happened, and feel really guilty. At the same time, I don't know whether I can cope with just being her friend. But I don't think there's any way to STOP being her friend without giving a reason. And now you're probably thinking "well why not just tell her, that will give you a reason". Well, because that is also really mean. Telling your friend, who's in a relationship, that you like them is a bit of a dick move. It could cause awkwardness and arguments, as well as making her feel like ****.
What the **** do I do?
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