Hi all. I'm new here. I'm not really sure where to start. My fiance and I have been together 4 years. We have children. I won't lie, it's been a rocky relationship. Issues on both our parts. This year though it has been great. Few if any issues, things were really looking up for us and our family. We got engaged and things went south. Not south to the point where I think separation was necessary, but south to the point of we definitely needed to communicate our issues.
That's our problem. We both get defensive and point fingers, rarely accepting responsibility for what we do. That's if we actually communicate our problems at all. and when we do it's just a huge argument. He is very controlling, yet doesn't follow his own rules.
Anyways, he up and moved out on the kids and I. Said we were still together but post pone any wedding planning. I was distraught at first, but I came to terms. I thought maybe this will be good for us. We decided to go to counseling. I actually became optimistic. He said he thought what we were doing was great and that it would make us better as individuals and in return in our relationship. I agreed.
Then it got even worse. He would tell me he didnt have the gas to come visit me now and had to conserve money. Then he would go out to the bars and put it on his credit card. I have to pay for counseling because he "can't afford it". THe only time I would see him was in passing when he would get the kids. He would apologize for not having time to spend with me but say he had to do things for the house or work in the morning, then go hang out with someone else. All the while he has been telling me "I love you" when we get on/off phone. Then all of a sudden I told him what he was doing wasnt fair to me and he said "because I want a little bit of distance!" and hasn't talked to me since (3 days). I started a new job Monday, and he didnt even text me to say good luck ro ask how it went. He keeps the kids every Tuesday night and wednesday day, but this week he didn't call or message me to say he wasn't getting them so I had to find a babysitter last minute to find them.
Essentially, none of this sounds like how he said this would be. Today, when I told him I needed him to sign documents for me, he finally responded and he told me counseling seems hopeless but that he would go. Nothing since that message.
I don't know what to do. How to respond. To call/not to call. Get mad about not getting the kids etc. I just don't know.
Any and all advice is appreciated. I can't reach out to family members or friends because our engagement was so recent I don't want to tell them there are issues already. It's just a sticky situation... and I'm stuck.
That's our problem. We both get defensive and point fingers, rarely accepting responsibility for what we do. That's if we actually communicate our problems at all. and when we do it's just a huge argument. He is very controlling, yet doesn't follow his own rules.
Anyways, he up and moved out on the kids and I. Said we were still together but post pone any wedding planning. I was distraught at first, but I came to terms. I thought maybe this will be good for us. We decided to go to counseling. I actually became optimistic. He said he thought what we were doing was great and that it would make us better as individuals and in return in our relationship. I agreed.
Then it got even worse. He would tell me he didnt have the gas to come visit me now and had to conserve money. Then he would go out to the bars and put it on his credit card. I have to pay for counseling because he "can't afford it". THe only time I would see him was in passing when he would get the kids. He would apologize for not having time to spend with me but say he had to do things for the house or work in the morning, then go hang out with someone else. All the while he has been telling me "I love you" when we get on/off phone. Then all of a sudden I told him what he was doing wasnt fair to me and he said "because I want a little bit of distance!" and hasn't talked to me since (3 days). I started a new job Monday, and he didnt even text me to say good luck ro ask how it went. He keeps the kids every Tuesday night and wednesday day, but this week he didn't call or message me to say he wasn't getting them so I had to find a babysitter last minute to find them.
Essentially, none of this sounds like how he said this would be. Today, when I told him I needed him to sign documents for me, he finally responded and he told me counseling seems hopeless but that he would go. Nothing since that message.
I don't know what to do. How to respond. To call/not to call. Get mad about not getting the kids etc. I just don't know.
Any and all advice is appreciated. I can't reach out to family members or friends because our engagement was so recent I don't want to tell them there are issues already. It's just a sticky situation... and I'm stuck.
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