I am new on the forum and this is my first post but I come here with genuine intentions of understanding my W. We have been married for 18 years. So here is the scoop...
We have been playing an online Role Playing game for the last year and a half. When we both started to play the game we decided to do it together and that we would be each other's love interest in the game. We also promised each other that we would not play romantically with any other characters while playing the game. We also promised each other that we would not take anything from the inside of the game to the outside of the game. Everything was going great until around the beginning of this year when she started getting bored. She had aquired 2 more characters (we'll call them Ana & Teresa) during this time and they were beginning to come of age to play romantically and she wanted to start giving them life. At first, she began to flirt and play romantically with many characters via Ana & then Teresa. Most of which was just harmless point and click interactions. At the beginning of May (May 3) however, Teresa began to really get involved (in character mainly but with some Out of character chit chat/getting to know each other stuff).
At first, I pointed out that I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the situation to which she made me feel as if I was crazy(May 5th). Next, the Role Played a very passionate kiss (May 9th) however I was unaware of the situation as these role play sessions were via private messaging in the game. I still however felt uncomfortable with the situation and continued to press her to discontinue. Each time she made me feel as if I was having crazy thoughts. She urged me to learn more about how to role play and told me I should role play with other women so that I could understand her. She pointed out that actors have real life sex in movies and they're husbands/w ives have no problem with it. She then said that if I had a problem with it then I should just stop looking at her character.
Then on the 12 of May she Role Played a very erotic sexual scene with this other character where he described exactly what he was doing to her. Her response was not to tell him to stop but she told him that she wanted to have a crack at writing a beautiful sex scene. Her's was not as graphic but more romantic. I was still unaware of this but I was getting strong feelings of distrust at that point. I broke into her in game account and found 60 pages of messages written back and forth including the afore described messages within a 10 day period.
On the 14th, I confronted her about the situation, the same day I discovered the messages. I was livid but she apologized and explained that she did not have any feelings of a romantic nature for this guy and that it was more like writing a novel.
We agreed to leave the game and finally did on the 27th May. During this time we argued back and forth and discussed the situation, during which time she told me that she respected this man and cared for his feelings. She is a very caring person and so I could understand that. But she continued to try and push the deadline back until I put my foot down.
A few days later, I sat down on the bed and her lap top popped on so I decided to take a minute and look at her browsing history. What I found there astonished me. She had given this other play an web address to her blog and they had continued having conversations. He was attempting to convince her to come back to the game and she was chating away trying to handle the situation for a couple of days when I discovered his blog dedicated to her. It contained some in game and a few pieces of information like a voice recording of him reading a part of her blog and a few romantic songs which I am not sure if they were meant for my wife or her character. I confronted her again to which she accused me of not letting her handle the situation and not trusting her.
At this point, the only part of this that she sees as wrong is the part where she tried to convince me to Role Play with other women (just not sex she said) and the part where she was covering it up. She says that she can't control what the other player writes and it isn't her fault that he wrote that stuff to her. (Which I concede is true, however, he asked if it was ok that he write that kind of stuff and she did not stop him but instead encouraged him.)
Am I crazy? Is this cheating? Is this normal behavior?
Being married for so long maybe I missed something..
Looking for good contructive feed back that I can take back to her and we can read together.
We have been playing an online Role Playing game for the last year and a half. When we both started to play the game we decided to do it together and that we would be each other's love interest in the game. We also promised each other that we would not play romantically with any other characters while playing the game. We also promised each other that we would not take anything from the inside of the game to the outside of the game. Everything was going great until around the beginning of this year when she started getting bored. She had aquired 2 more characters (we'll call them Ana & Teresa) during this time and they were beginning to come of age to play romantically and she wanted to start giving them life. At first, she began to flirt and play romantically with many characters via Ana & then Teresa. Most of which was just harmless point and click interactions. At the beginning of May (May 3) however, Teresa began to really get involved (in character mainly but with some Out of character chit chat/getting to know each other stuff).
At first, I pointed out that I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the situation to which she made me feel as if I was crazy(May 5th). Next, the Role Played a very passionate kiss (May 9th) however I was unaware of the situation as these role play sessions were via private messaging in the game. I still however felt uncomfortable with the situation and continued to press her to discontinue. Each time she made me feel as if I was having crazy thoughts. She urged me to learn more about how to role play and told me I should role play with other women so that I could understand her. She pointed out that actors have real life sex in movies and they're husbands/w ives have no problem with it. She then said that if I had a problem with it then I should just stop looking at her character.
Then on the 12 of May she Role Played a very erotic sexual scene with this other character where he described exactly what he was doing to her. Her response was not to tell him to stop but she told him that she wanted to have a crack at writing a beautiful sex scene. Her's was not as graphic but more romantic. I was still unaware of this but I was getting strong feelings of distrust at that point. I broke into her in game account and found 60 pages of messages written back and forth including the afore described messages within a 10 day period.
On the 14th, I confronted her about the situation, the same day I discovered the messages. I was livid but she apologized and explained that she did not have any feelings of a romantic nature for this guy and that it was more like writing a novel.
We agreed to leave the game and finally did on the 27th May. During this time we argued back and forth and discussed the situation, during which time she told me that she respected this man and cared for his feelings. She is a very caring person and so I could understand that. But she continued to try and push the deadline back until I put my foot down.
A few days later, I sat down on the bed and her lap top popped on so I decided to take a minute and look at her browsing history. What I found there astonished me. She had given this other play an web address to her blog and they had continued having conversations. He was attempting to convince her to come back to the game and she was chating away trying to handle the situation for a couple of days when I discovered his blog dedicated to her. It contained some in game and a few pieces of information like a voice recording of him reading a part of her blog and a few romantic songs which I am not sure if they were meant for my wife or her character. I confronted her again to which she accused me of not letting her handle the situation and not trusting her.
At this point, the only part of this that she sees as wrong is the part where she tried to convince me to Role Play with other women (just not sex she said) and the part where she was covering it up. She says that she can't control what the other player writes and it isn't her fault that he wrote that stuff to her. (Which I concede is true, however, he asked if it was ok that he write that kind of stuff and she did not stop him but instead encouraged him.)
Am I crazy? Is this cheating? Is this normal behavior?
Being married for so long maybe I missed something..
Looking for good contructive feed back that I can take back to her and we can read together.
Put the internet to work for you.
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