So, friends, it has been quite some time since I last posted. And now I have "graduated" from "Going through a divorce" to the "Life After Divorce" category :)
I wanted to muse about a touchy topic, or at least for me it is. And that is, relationship of X with person she cheated with (oh, yah, I found out about that a while back...).
To make a long story short, my X, back when we were married, turns out, cheated on me with this guy (20 years younger than her, go figure....). He was a family friend (admittedly more a friend of hers even then than mine) and our kids have known him since they were small. This apparently went on some 2 years prior to D and now, 3-4 years after D, they are in a "relationship" (yes that's my sarcasm) and he is planning to move in with her.
Anyway it's a long story, but my point (at least one of them) is this. How do you deal with a case like this. I mean, true I wish her well, we co-parent our kids, and I would like for her to find someone. But geeezzzz does it have to be that guy?? Grrrr....
At first it was a big shock to me. Not that it was new, but the way it was revealed to me. Actually I have this to be thankful for in many ways as it facilitated my closure with her. Personally I have been doing a lot of inner work, spiritual if you will, etc etc. I am not angry (for the most part). I am disappointed, but not angry. Since he arrived I have put up a wall between them and myself and I only interact with the X regarding the kids. I have never been to her/their house since. Now I might say to myself, common, be an adult about it, etc etc. Let go of it. Even be friends. Isn't that the idea of transcending your ego? Well on the one hand yes, but on the other hand I have compassion for myself also. And as such, why should I put myself in situations that are not comfortable for me. So that is what I have been doing till now.
But then comes the question of the kids. What messages do they get out of all this? Direct and indirect? Of course I have not and will never say to them "kids, daddy does not like that guy since your mom cheated on me with him". But when it comes to not going to their house, always having separate events, etc etc, well I don't think that is the best way either.
Maybe it boils down to time. Just need to give it more time. And like I said he is 20 years younger so I mean how long can that last... (then again who knows, maybe they are truly soul mates and who am I to put that down?).
Anyway, just some thought of mine on this subject post D and in the continuing coping. Glad to hear of any similar cases you would like to share.
Peace.
I wanted to muse about a touchy topic, or at least for me it is. And that is, relationship of X with person she cheated with (oh, yah, I found out about that a while back...).
To make a long story short, my X, back when we were married, turns out, cheated on me with this guy (20 years younger than her, go figure....). He was a family friend (admittedly more a friend of hers even then than mine) and our kids have known him since they were small. This apparently went on some 2 years prior to D and now, 3-4 years after D, they are in a "relationship" (yes that's my sarcasm) and he is planning to move in with her.
Anyway it's a long story, but my point (at least one of them) is this. How do you deal with a case like this. I mean, true I wish her well, we co-parent our kids, and I would like for her to find someone. But geeezzzz does it have to be that guy?? Grrrr....
At first it was a big shock to me. Not that it was new, but the way it was revealed to me. Actually I have this to be thankful for in many ways as it facilitated my closure with her. Personally I have been doing a lot of inner work, spiritual if you will, etc etc. I am not angry (for the most part). I am disappointed, but not angry. Since he arrived I have put up a wall between them and myself and I only interact with the X regarding the kids. I have never been to her/their house since. Now I might say to myself, common, be an adult about it, etc etc. Let go of it. Even be friends. Isn't that the idea of transcending your ego? Well on the one hand yes, but on the other hand I have compassion for myself also. And as such, why should I put myself in situations that are not comfortable for me. So that is what I have been doing till now.
But then comes the question of the kids. What messages do they get out of all this? Direct and indirect? Of course I have not and will never say to them "kids, daddy does not like that guy since your mom cheated on me with him". But when it comes to not going to their house, always having separate events, etc etc, well I don't think that is the best way either.
Maybe it boils down to time. Just need to give it more time. And like I said he is 20 years younger so I mean how long can that last... (then again who knows, maybe they are truly soul mates and who am I to put that down?).
Anyway, just some thought of mine on this subject post D and in the continuing coping. Glad to hear of any similar cases you would like to share.
Peace.
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