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Is this a normal reaction?

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I'll keep this as short as possible... It is addressed to the girl I liked (or maybe even loved, I dunno) and summarises everything I want to tell her in person; and hopefully not get laughed at.

'I don't know what were your intentions with me.
At the start you were super interested in me, and we had a total of 18,000+ facebook messages over the period of one month - our spring break. You commented on my statuses and even google translated the things I posted in foreign languages to see what they mean. Then, I am pretty sure I went out of my way to let you know I liked you without directly telling you. You messaged me at midnight while being drunk, several times, including your birthday. And in the end, when you forced me to tell you I liked you (**** sakes, why did I comply to saying it over facebook chat), and you said you had no clue about it! I've had a couple of girl friends telling me how that is the biggest lie they've heard ever. I'll probably agree.

Anyways, you wanted to be friends. And you acted upon that. We hung out a few times. We studied together, and you said nobody else is giving more incentive to study just by being there next to you.
Then, end of the year came and I told you I can't go more like that, and that I needed some time to clear my head. Around that time, no more likes of posts, no more late night messages about what song the lyrics in my FB posts are from, not even when I restored active contact with you.

Summer ended just as it started. I was told on many occasions to never give up, but every person's efforts have a limit. So I had planned to see how much effort I had left to spare. The tests I performed determined that my efforts have depleted. I elegantly told you I don't expect us to continue our communication by sending you "30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge" and making you listen to the lyrics - "some day, maybe we'll meet again".

I randomly stalked your profile on Halloween, only to see you are in a relationship. That would not have bothered me if I had not found out that you've gotten together way before I asked you out for the last time, way before I sent you "Closer To The Edge". So you deliberately hid from me you got a boyfriend. And why was that? As if I hadn't told you numerous times that I value honesty more than anything.
I tend to think I was an "option" for you, and when I told you I liked you, you got scared; then when your first "choice" fell in your cobwebs, you completely forgot about me. Looking for a soulmate "like a penguin" my arse. *******s.

-> (that's also for all of you who TL;DR below: )

When I saw him with you, it felt he's someone I'd punch in the face. Then I realised it's probably biased. I don't know really your boyfriend, so I can't judge. Perhaps the only thing that is making me slightly happy is the belief that I will always be more intelligent, more well known, more successful, more wealthy, more skilled and will achieve more in life than your boyfriend ever will. Or you, for that matter. It's super cocky, I know, but in the end, you are the one who emphasized a lot how "super intelligent" I am.
But even if that's what's gonna happen, I will still not succeed in making you like me "that way". And that's okay, really. It was probably me who ****ed up somewhere in the middle.

And you know what's the only scary thing? That I will see you randomly in 15 years, and when that happens the old feeling of my stomach doing a 180 donut turn will come back in full power, telling me that's the girl I had to get, but failed to.

IFTTT

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