My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we have 2 kids. Even though he has a college degree, he's worked as a waiter for over 20 years with no success at having a career. He was undocumented and didn't have much money, but we bonded very quickly and got married about a year after we first met. I didn't think much about finances back then and things were ok until after we had our daughter about 7 years ago. He worked nights at the restaurant and I worked 8 to 5, and did what we could to raise our daughter.
Because of our schedules, we didn't see each other much and I felt like a single mom for a long time. I tried very hard to be supportive of him. For example, he wanted to go into a nursing program a few years ago. I supported him and let him take the prerequisites at a local junior college, let him quit his job, and paid for everything for a while. There was no way I could have sustained it though. Because it would have taken him 2-3 years to take all the prereqs, then wait to get into one the RN programs at a nearby junior college, which only accepted about 30 students per year on average. After about a year, he got another restaurant job and tried to look for a better job.
He tried to find better work for the past 8 years but didn't get a single job offer from anyone. About 3 months ago, he quit his restaurant job for a "contract" office job even though it didn't make sense to me that he'd have to work 40 hours to get the same pay he did working about 25 hours a week at the restaurant. Also, our 9 month old baby needed to be in daycare full time. He thought there would be a possibility for it to lead to permanent work, so he made the switch even though I didn't agree with him.
Fast forward just 3 months, the company told all the temps that the project got finished early, so the job ended in Jan. He's unemployed and I don't know how long it'll take him to find work. I'm very worried about our finances and the possibility of him not finding gainful employment ... ever. Other than this temp job, no one has offered to hire him in the past 8 years. Our issues are largely because of that, and I've grown to be resentful over the years. My salary is just not enough to sustain having a stay at home husband. We live in a high cost of living area, and I barely make enough for a single person with her own apartment. He's great with the domestic stuff, but I feel that I've been forced into this breadwinner position without much of a choice. It's just not fair to me.
I didn't think it'd be like this. I did odd temp jobs too over 10 years ago, but I never thought I'd be doing the same thing 10 years later. People grow and I just didn't expect that he wouldn't. Naturally, I didn't think he'd still be waiting tables for 20+ years. His English is an issue and he never did anything to improve it all this time. Some days, I feel almost fine but other days, I feel very unhappy and just want out. It's hard with two kids. I feel like everything is on me and me alone. He has been trying, but after 8 years of trying with no results, it's just not good enough, especially when you have kids in the picture.
It's a very stressful situation. I feel very trapped but there's not much I can do. Does anyone have any advice?
Because of our schedules, we didn't see each other much and I felt like a single mom for a long time. I tried very hard to be supportive of him. For example, he wanted to go into a nursing program a few years ago. I supported him and let him take the prerequisites at a local junior college, let him quit his job, and paid for everything for a while. There was no way I could have sustained it though. Because it would have taken him 2-3 years to take all the prereqs, then wait to get into one the RN programs at a nearby junior college, which only accepted about 30 students per year on average. After about a year, he got another restaurant job and tried to look for a better job.
He tried to find better work for the past 8 years but didn't get a single job offer from anyone. About 3 months ago, he quit his restaurant job for a "contract" office job even though it didn't make sense to me that he'd have to work 40 hours to get the same pay he did working about 25 hours a week at the restaurant. Also, our 9 month old baby needed to be in daycare full time. He thought there would be a possibility for it to lead to permanent work, so he made the switch even though I didn't agree with him.
Fast forward just 3 months, the company told all the temps that the project got finished early, so the job ended in Jan. He's unemployed and I don't know how long it'll take him to find work. I'm very worried about our finances and the possibility of him not finding gainful employment ... ever. Other than this temp job, no one has offered to hire him in the past 8 years. Our issues are largely because of that, and I've grown to be resentful over the years. My salary is just not enough to sustain having a stay at home husband. We live in a high cost of living area, and I barely make enough for a single person with her own apartment. He's great with the domestic stuff, but I feel that I've been forced into this breadwinner position without much of a choice. It's just not fair to me.
I didn't think it'd be like this. I did odd temp jobs too over 10 years ago, but I never thought I'd be doing the same thing 10 years later. People grow and I just didn't expect that he wouldn't. Naturally, I didn't think he'd still be waiting tables for 20+ years. His English is an issue and he never did anything to improve it all this time. Some days, I feel almost fine but other days, I feel very unhappy and just want out. It's hard with two kids. I feel like everything is on me and me alone. He has been trying, but after 8 years of trying with no results, it's just not good enough, especially when you have kids in the picture.
It's a very stressful situation. I feel very trapped but there's not much I can do. Does anyone have any advice?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment