Ok so just wanted some advice as I'm not sure how to handle things as I'm not used to relationships etc I've spent most of my life single. I'm female, aged 29 (if it makes a difference) and have had a secret crush on a man in his 50's who goes to my climbing club for years. He has been training me/helping me with climbing for years on and off ever since I was 20 (was very distant at times wouldn't see him for months) I suppose if I have to psychoanalyse myself more than anything I liked the fact that someone was showing some interest in me/that they care etc. He is one of those womanizers who has never married and has had lots of women but go fed up of them for some reason or other (lots of red flags I know) His personality is decent though he isn't just about women he loves climbing and he has taken an interest in me/sacrificed a lot of his time to help me in the past. At times I have almost ignored him as I'm always shy around him and so he deliberately stopped talking to me and said that if I'm not saying Hi and making an effort to talk then other people won't. I told myself to stop being stupid and tried to act more normal lol. I suppose this is what contributed to me being single ie I wasn't interested in relationships because of the crush.
Basically I've been feeling the same for years (without him or anyone knowing) when he talked to me/gave some attention I felt happy for ages after but if he ignored me I would start to feel quite low. I've always been very quiet and have probably come across as a loner. I realised that this isn't really normal nor good for me so instead of feeling low I've been making an effort to be more rational get out more, meet other people Anyway believe it or not after a night out with the climbers he has suddenly taken an interest in me, started texting almost everyday, we have been for drinks and to a theatre play where we shared a drink and he held my hand. He wants me to go round to watch some TV with him. He even said that I could go for a weekend away for him (him and his ex had booked it but he said he ended it as he got sick of her drinking) So basically he wanted me to take her place lol. He has way more energy than me, he has text several times asking if I'm free for lunch and I hadn't even had my breakfast lol.
I have never seen him be so nice! He used to insult me for not attending climbing enough now he is suggesting I miss the session to go out with him. I suppose it's like a dream come true for me except now that I'm suddenly getting all this attention from him it feels weird, I feel a little creeped out at times cause of the age gap and it kind of feels like he is using me to get one thing. I mean before if he had touched me/grabbed my hand whatever in a joking way I would get turned on, but when I went on that night out with him holding his hand felt odd. Yet I do enjoy his company, love talking to him and the feeling that he is interested in me/cares in whatever way. He seems as though he genuinely likes me but then his texts suggest that he just wants sex. But then he doesn't seem to be nasty personality wise so why would he take advantage/just use someone for sex who he has known for years??
I guess I just wanted advice. Why have I had feelings for him all these years and now suddenly Im getting the attention it's all too much for me and feels weird?? Is he just after sex, if so can men in general really be that mean as to use someone who they known for years.. I really enjoy spending time with him (as his mate would) but sex I'm not sure about yet. I don't want to lead him on it's not fair on him but every time I see him I can't bring myself to tell him that I just want to friends because I'm not even sure myself. I make sure I pay my share of drinks/meals etc as I don't want to 'owe' him anything ie something in return like sex. He doesn't drive so I do all the driving What's most important to me is that I don't ever want to fall out with him. Another thing is people at the climbing club have found out and I don't want them thinking I'm weird for going out with someone much older. As I said I've been single most of my life so am inexperienced with it all so am just looking for sensible advice..
Put the internet to work for you.
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